Wednesday, March 19, 2008
as much as i try to shift it all aside, i just snapped during lunch today. i mean, the whole day my mood was already so fucked up, and then it's like i just snapped and lost it real bad. it was... terrible. usually in the past i'll just keep quiet about it. like, it's there but wtf. just shut the hell up about it. guess that was the biggest mistake i ever did. then i snapped and it was just really uncontrollable. i thought that i couldn't stop.
anyway, thanks olga for hearing me out and making me laugh after that.
thanks also to Jes Lee, Vaish and Laura for cheering me up as well.
negative point here: i'm just gonna blog out my thoughts about this whole thing. offensive or whatever or what, it's my blog, what i've been keeping shut about all this while. so in other words, suka hati aku lah. korang tak suka boleh blah and berambus.
i guess sometimes trying to be considerate doesn't pay off. then you end up keeping and hiding it all away for months on end and then, you snap just like that. but then it's not like it wasn't made known before. like hello, it was like right there in front of your face and it's just like dismissed. and then there's a whole bunch of BS happening all around. like wtfh. it gets so sickening after a while.
and naturally when you're at the brink of losing it, you just simply have no one to talk things out to. diao. as usual, busyness prevails, or my lack of it. whatever lah. at the very least i don't put volatile things off until it's too late.
to be honest, it seems pretty much too late for anything, isn't it? because once someone snaps, things just get harder. and then they just lose faith in things.
lolS. these sort of things just make me more cynical than ever about these sort of things. sometimes i don't even know what this all means to them. basic things like trust, respect, sensitivity (it doesn't matter if you were from an all-chinese class or a CHIJ primary school or whatever. you're a Singaporean living in a multi-racial/religious country. at times like this, i think this is where neighbourhood schools score in - the mentality of the students.)
what's the measure of a friendship - by words or by actions?
kadang2 i wish yang you boleh sense benda ni semua..dapat rasa yang things are really fucked up for me now. sama macam selalunya i dapat sense yang things are not really going on okay untuk you last time.tapi pada masa sama, i tahu you sibuk and stuffs - tak sampai hati nak bebankan you lagi. secara jujur i cakap, i really really want to just go and talk to you about all this whirlwind which is my life. and bukan aje pasal masalah ni, tapi pasal benda2 lain jugak, pasal janji i pada you nak ceritakan al-kisah2 lucu kat kelas. tapi i tak berani nak ganggu sebab i tahu you betul2 sibuk. you know, at the time that i'm writing this, i rasa mcm i tengah cakap dengan you (in english lah..tapi ni i tulis melayu - walaupun you tak faham - jadi certain manusia2 yang mulut murai kat dunia ni takkan faham apa aku tulis.) Seriously. maybe pasal i dah lama tak berbual dgn you F2F. or maybe pasal imysm. but i can almost imagine what you'll say - and i'll end up setuju-ing and dengar-ing your advice.amazing kan, even though you're not here, it feels like you've never left. thank you (:
8:32 pm
