Thursday, January 24, 2008
woke up this morning not giving a hoot about the world, L included. i didn't care, i didn't want to see him, i didn't want to hear him, whatever's gonna happen can just happen cos i just didn't care. vented it out during mass run and PE. badly needed to talk things out with someone, anyone. but as usual, came back to class, crapped with the ICJ (Insanely Crappy Judiciary of me, ferind, jeslynn lee, vaish and laura) and ended up silently talking and consoling myself all the way home. funny how you can have so many people around you but none can get what you're actually driving at. then you wonder who are your actual friends and who are simply people in your short life. FFS, not everything is about L. and when i say 'talk' , i don't mean a 5 minute summary of whatever happened.
i give up trying to talk to people. i just fucking give up. half the time they don't even bother listening. so why the hell should i waste my time? i am so sick of it all - talk to the hand, thanks.
i used to go to L to talk all these things out, all this whirlwind of confusion and fed-upness and the whole fucked up feeling. cos he listens and stuffs. but not this time. this time i don't want to. i just simply don't want to.
but i end up talking and consoling myself in the end, cos hey, who's there? things are so haywire. i don't believe in the whole "i'll be there for you" bullshit anymore. i simply don't. everything's in disarray. maybe next time i should like have a book where i write all my appointments. that'll be nice, won't it?
maybe i'm heading for a breakdown. i just can't take all these things anymore. i just can't.
10:28 pm
