Wednesday, January 30, 2008
firstly, Happy 16th Birthday Andika, my oldest friend that i've known since nursery(: you know i love you friend. haha.
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i know that some people think that i'm wayy better off and happier now, since i'm like crapping non-stop the whole day with the ICJ. but just because i crap, laugh, join in the craziness doesn't exactly imply that i'm really okay with stuffs. sure, studies-wise, i'm trying to make it a point to do work in advance, especially for subjects like emath (which is now leisure time). sure, entertainment-wise, the ICJ is just simply nuts.
i thought i managed to cover it all up pretty well. i really thought that nobody can see through it. but it's funny when suddenly one person realises what i'm actually feeling beneath my whole demeanour. i was quite taken aback when she asked whether i'm okay or not. i mean, physically i am. mentally, i am. emotionally, i'm not. but yeahh...it's better to let people assume that i'm perfectly okay, inside out.
my life has been pretty quiet nowadays. i'm so tired - i simply don't want to care about half of my world. whatever happens, happens. whatever doesn't, simply doesn't. whether he's gonna be in my life or not, i leave that up to God. whether the number of friendships that i have is gonna shrink and be reduced to a single digit, i just simply don't care. i've had enough of all the hipocrisy, lies and broken trusts.
sometimes i just feel like breaking down. cry it all out, comfort myself, and walk through the door as if nothing happened. i can do that. i always do that. but it doesn't matter cos nobody cares.
10:12 pm
