i don't know whether i'm doing the right thing, making myself put on a front to all the people around me. but it makes me feel better to see them not worry too much about me. i know some people may think i'm avoiding them, or running away from them. that's not the case. i just don't want to reveal too much. i think it's enough.
i'm trying to get over you, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can really put a smile to my lips and make me forget about all my troubles. it's just your presence there and the support that just... to put it simply, i don't have the heart to disappoint you.
when i was about to sleep last night, images of you just flashed into my mind seamlessly, and it was as if every single memory was dredged out. it was pleasant and hurting at the same time; i don't know how i managed to smile and hold back the tears at the same time.
sometimes i think it's a vicious cycle - i keep falling for you day in and out. the moment i fall out, i just fall back in. i don't like to admit it, but i sort of knew when it started. it wasn't sudden; it was gradually when i came to learn who you really are.
call me foolish, accepting reality and letting you go, but still loving you as before. there's only so much you can ask for in life. you don't own someone because you love them; you let them go because you love them. maybe that's a wrong philosophy for me to hold on to. but that's how i am. sometimes i think i'm too selfless, but i can't help it; this is me.
it always hurt to love someone and lose them, whether it's literally or you have to let them go. but it's better than never to have loved at all. there's a tinge of serenity when you see the person you love happy with their life. i'd call the feeling syahdu in malay; can't quite find the english word.
i don't want to let you go, but i admit defeat, i know i have to. because that's only fair for you and me.
12:06 am
the one
Nur Syafiqah Ahmad Jaaffar
ex-WGPS 6E'04
Crescent Girl's School
syaf_316@hotmail.com
be sorted @ nimbo.net
