Wednesday, August 15, 2007
this post is bound to be deleted soon, so if you're reading it, then fine.. but you won't see it again.
i was reading through my previous blog entries, as in wayy back ones, and.. do my latest entries sound that.. different? vivien told me today that she's perfectly fine, but i'm different. so yeah.. maybe that's why i read through my past posts. she's got a point.
i try not to make it so obvious, but trying hard to hold back your tears the whole day sort of crushed the front. yes, i cried a few times today. twice in school. a few more afterwards at random places. the mosque. my room. the toilet. hell, even now..
i know i should be focusing on my common tests. they're already here, and after tomorrow's combo of english-hml-ss, the other subjects require me to study. and i haven't start studying, that's one thing. even if i'm studying, it's like there's no point because i won't be able to focus.
i've tried, alright, i've tried to forget about this whole thing, shove it all aside. but the more i push it aside, the more i choose to ignore and forget it, the more persistent it is. and i'm just so tired of having to pretend everything's fine, having to hold back my tears..
i can't tell you, obviously. but as the days pass, the truth becomes more clearer. yes, it's my fault i let myself feel this way. but it's not something that i can control, can it? but i have no regrets.
9:55 pm
