Saturday, August 04, 2007
i'm tired of pretending to be unaffected by anything. cos not only am i lying to the people around me, i'm lying to myself. and know what? i think that when you hide and pretend for too long, when the stronghold break, it just shatters. and that's why i've been trying to prevent that from happening the whole day - but it just didn't work out.
i don't cry easily, and not many people have seen me cry. in fact, much less than 5, cos 0 might not be true. but when i have to keep stopping myself from doing so the whole of today, i just don't feel like keeping it at bay. but each time i appear to allow myself to cry, it seems that i instantaneously force myself to hold it back. maybe that's cos for me, allowing myself to cry is comparable this: when your flood barrier starts showing cracks and a bit of water seeps out of it, quickly repair it before it gives way and flood the whole town. i don't know if doing that is a good thing. but it seems to work, albeit at my expense.
i can accept it all; to be honest i've already accepted it. but by accepting it, it just hurts me more. and i'm tired of having to put on a front, but i have to cos some stuffs you just can't tell everyone.
10:10 pm
