Tuesday, May 22, 2007
to my CGS friends: sorry guys if me being emo today dampened your mood somehow. i just felt down. and thanks for all the attempts to cheer me up (:
Note: sorry in advance if this post sounds self-centred.
i couldn't get the song Sampai Menutup Mata out of my head the whole day. it kept replaying in my mind, and everytime it loops, that's everytime i felt tears at the corner of my eyes. i wasn't crying - i could feel the tears, that's all. but you know what? i seriously wanted to cry. i seriously wanted to go crouch in some hidden corner and really really allow myself to cry after so long. but i just couldn't. but i want to.
and the reason for all of this is so stupid. very very very stupid. sometimes i wish i could turn back time so i'll be leading my own life and didn't cross over to the other side. but then most of the time i'm glad i did. but i think it's my fault that i'm in this situation now. but i can't help it. the more i try to forget, the more difficult it becomes.
i know friends have been telling me to forget and ignore it and go concentrate on something else. but it's way easier said than done. way way easier said than done. i am the one who has to get through all of this. i am the one who's feeling the hurt that's self-inflicted more than anything else, and i think that's why it hurts so much. cos i know it was wrong in the first place, and i was aware of that. but did i heed my own advice? i didn't.
i'm not blaming anybody or the situation for that matter. it's just me. i gotta deal with this and get through all this. the only question is how long..
11:11 pm
