Slytherin - through and through

2009-01-10T21:59:00.001+08:00

this blog has moved to: http://breaking-the-dawn.blogspot.com

2008-11-25T23:36:00.000+08:00

this blog has moved. kindly request the add from me.

2008-10-17T00:56:00.002+08:00

i'm considering whether to move this blog to somewhere else.
perhaps i should.

new beginnings call for a new slate.

anyway, managed to sneak in about 1-2 hours of crapping with bestie, umai(:
and as usual, our target was.. ahem. u noe i noe we noe who lah kan, umai? hehe.
seriously. it was rubbish, but that's precisely why i love these sessions. we have wild imaginations. no wonder we won the oscars and grammys like nothing. it's a huge relief to be able to sit down and crap in the midst of all these exam preps. i need balance in my life, seriously.

tapi oscar moscar tu semua tak penting kan umai? sebab aku dapat seto aku dan kau dapat joe kau. hehe. moki pun happy dgn kitty. dia tu...uhh, nak aku campak dalam store lagi?

ever since school ended for me about a few weeks back [okay, it felt like i was away from school for 2 months. main thing is, i like being able to wake up at 10+ every single day of my break. hehe], i've been able to find back myself. it took a while. guess that's what happens when you lose yourself for too long.

anyway, i rediscovered what i like, how i like things to be, how i handle things and my view of life just got clearer. i wish i haven't lost myself for too long. okay, now i'm starting to sound like Meriam from the movie Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam 2 - "aku lupa kepada siapa diriku yang sebenar." or like Misha Omar in the theme song of that movie, "diri begini kerna selalu/ditinggalkan marah sengsara/hingga hilang terlupa/siapa aku sebenarnya"
right now i'm trying not to laugh at my nickname back in pri sch. maybe those guys foresaw the connection between that nickname of mine and the movie+song. oh wells.

i finally learnt what was meant as the heart of the cards. it's not just about treating those cards with respect - it's about having faith, trusting and believing in them. these cards are just representative, or more precisely, a reflection of who we are. do we trust and believe in the cards enough to get far, or are we merely dealing these cards for blind ambition? all the same, do we have enough faith in ourselves, or are we merely shaping ourselves in accordance to others?

and no umai, i am not going to buy Ben 10 cards until i know how to play them. apa kata kau belajar daripada sepupu kau main card2 tu, lepas tu kau ajar aku? kalau aku suka, aku beli, aku kasi kau boring main Ben 10. hehe!

Yu-Gi-Oh! Card of the Day: Spell Card: Monster Reborn
- return 1 monster from the Graveyard to the hand. Can be Special Summoned to the Field.
* monster reborn(: one of the most useful cards around, and my personal favourite. on a personal level, it's a symbol of revitalisation and revival of what i've lost.

Resentment

2008-10-06T19:32:00.004+08:00

i won't be remembered or missed, so there's not much for me to miss or remember.

due to some binding agreeements made, i'm bounded to some censorship rules. even till next year, i think i'll still be bound to it. i don' t find the idea of a legal suit amusing.

whatever. let me see, what did i plan to blog about today?

out of the four years, i had two forgettable years. by the end of that two years, i already told myself that i only came there to study. and a lot of people tell me those two years are the best two years of their lives. fine. then the next two years came along, and recently finished. it was better and more memorable than the first two years. but still, i didn't come out of it all without a price.

let's face it, in everything that i do, i have to depend on myself alone. it has always been that way. maybe it had to do with me being the eldest. or maybe it simply had to do with what i've went through. i started to realize that i had to grow up in primary four after a certain event. that was when i realized i had to mature if i want to see myself actually move on and become a stronger person.

then i came in to an alien environment. i thought it would rock, or at the very least be interesting. it didn't take me that long to realise that the culture doesn't fit me. to put it harshly, i didn't fit in at all. now you see why there are two forgettable years of my life? got promoted to the senior level. things became better and i really liked things the way they are. then i got myself into some issue that i probably should have forced myself to back out of, but guess i was too gullible to snap out of it. until now, that is.

but like the saying goes, life isn't a fairytale. in fact, fairytale is a whole load of bull by itself because it doesn't make sense at all. things happened, people changed, promises broken. at the end of it all, i find it hard to trust anyone else in my life except for a few that i can count on one hand. i was sick of the lies, the empty promises, the empty support and the betrayals. anyone can come up with an impressive arrangement of words. but the sincerity in the words are shown in the things that are done or not done.

i know nobody's gonna read this, much more care. but if one fine day they're trawling through the web and come across this cos they have nothing better to read, fine. to all those who are trying to fish around for rumours about me or to simply infer from them, i am so sorry to disappoint you; i've cut short your supply. the only recent interesting thing you can talk about is the person i am now.

i've changed. i've had enough of giving in and lowering my pride for the better good of the general public at the expense of myself, letting people take me for granted and chuck me when there's no need for me. to all these people who have played a huge role in turning me into who i am today, thank you. if it wasn't for you people, i wouldn't have come to realize once again that i am left on my own to deal with my own destiny. thank you for making me realise that it's time to stop giving and start taking, and time to make anyone who dare to make use of me pay. thank you for making me realise as well that in this world full of backstabbers, liars, betrayers and traitors, there's no place for the weak.

2008-09-24T20:21:00.003+08:00

sometimes i can't help feeling that i'm a different person nowadays. and i don't mean it in a good way.

i'm suffering a burnout.
hurry up and come next thursday.

will it be a bitter goodbye or the sweetest one?
right now, i can't give a damn.

2008-09-23T20:25:00.002+08:00

came across these three songs on youtube. apparently they were from the Pyramid Of Light movie, but i've never heard these songs before. anyway, these three songs have been my inspiration and helped me pick up my strength recently. maybe it can serve some useful purpose to you readers too.

You're Not Me

You think I've got it all
You think I've got it made well
How come my only friends are the ones I pay?
No one understands
What I would do to change my life for just one day

**Don't say if I were you (say if I were you)
Or tell me what you'd do
Or things would be if
You were in my shoes
Cuz you're not me

You know what I need
And it's not another serenade
I get so tired of all the things you say
So give me what I want
if you only would
I'd gladly throw this all away

**Don't say if I were you (say if I were you)
Or tell me what you'd do
Or things would be if
You were in my shoes (cuz you're not me)
Please take me as I am (take me as I am)
This isn't what I planned
But I don't expect that
You can understand
Cuz you're not me

I know you think you're bein' nice
But spare me all your lame advice
Time to play my hand and roll the dice
Everybody's got their price

For far too long I've been denied
I'm makin' my move so just step aside
No one can say I never tried
To do everything to get back my pride

Hey, you were never me
Why can't you see
That you're not me (me, me, me, me, me, me, me)

**Don't say if I were you (say if I were you)
Or tell me what you'd do (tell me what you'd do)
Or how things would be if
You were in my shoes (cuz you're not me)
Please help me if you can (help me if you can)
This isn't what I planned (this isn't what I planned)
But I don't expect that
You can understand
Cuz you're not me
____________________________________
I'm Back

Disappeared
Out of here
It was time to pay my dues
Never guessed
That you'd be dressed
In my clothes and in my shoes
You couldn't wait to move right in
If I were you I'd be concerned
Ain't no way you're gonna win
Betcha didn't count on my return

-CHORUS-
You thought you were so tough
You had it all under control
Now enough is enough
Gonna take back what you stole
{Give it up, 'cause now I'm back}

On my own
All alone
This ain't how the story ends
Now I see
Those close to me
They were just fair-weather friends
You suckered everyone in sight
With promises that fooled them all
You may be top dog tonight
The bigger they come, the harder they fall

-CHORUS-

"For our planet to succeed, Kaiba must be taken out of the picture, permanently."
"You'll never take me alive!"
"Seto Kaiba will bother us no more, hahahahahaha!"
"I'm not going to give up Kaiba Corporation without a real fight! It's takeover time, by me."
"I attack with the Blue Eyes White Dragon

-CHORUS-

"We're going in."
"Big brother, you're here! You're here!"
_________________________________________
One Card Short

(first verse)
Life's just a game
We all wanna win
Keep your hand a secret
Unleash the monsters within
Sometimes it's over
Before it's even begun
If someone else get hurt
Then what have you really won

(chorus)
I'm always one card short
Always one day late
For once I'd like an ending
I can celebrate
Stacked the deck myself, so there's no one else to blame
I need just one more move
One final chance to prove...
I can win this game

(second verse)
Life's just a duel
That's how the world is made
But are we all players
Or are we being played

(chorus)
I'm always one card short
Always one day late
For once I'd like an ending
I can celebrate
Stacked the deck myself, so there's no one else to blame
I need one more move
One final chance to prove...
I can win this game

(third verse)
Is what happens next in your control
Are you doing what you want, or what you've been told
Do you choose the cards from your own hands
Or are we all just puppets in a master plan
One more move

(chorus)
One card short
One day late
Give me something
Something to celebrate
Stacked the deck myself, so there's no one else to blame
One more move, I'm gonna win this game
I'm gonna win this game
I'm gonna win this game
One more move, I'll win this game
Everybody celebrate

(second verse)

2008-09-22T22:04:00.002+08:00

about two more weeks to Hari Raya! and indirectly a few more weeks to the O levels. oh wells. i think we're still lucky, okay. so, for all those P6 students who are going to take your PSLE this year (which is kind of right smack in the middle of hari raya) and also to all the Sec1-Sec3 students everywhere, all the best! just get your paper over and done with, and then you all can go hari raya! and oh, do pray for us as well.

since i'm actually in the Hari Raya spirit (ha! i havent even gotten my baju kurung or my shoes or my makeup or my handbag, for that matter. and the curtains aren't even ready yet), i've changed the jukebox to a Hari Raya special. it's my favourite Hari Raya song from the late Sudirman Haji Arshad, my favourite and one of the best singers of all time. so for now, his song will be hitting this blog's airways.

for now, because there are a LOT of songs for Hari Raya. i'm serious. there's about 10 new ones every year. and if you start counting.. fuyohh. i don't think i'll have problem finding 50 odd of them. see? that's why i absolutely love Hari Raya. we have a lot a lot of songs. hehehe.

also, i'd like to take this chance to wish long-time Malay song/lyricswriter Mr Haron Abdulmajid (who wrote the lyrics for the DJKPM song) a speedy recovery. your new song is simply beautiful. the moment i heard it, i felt so touched. we're all praying for your recovery. amin.

and to the rest, don't forget your final few tarawih prayers! these last 10 nights are the most special nights of Ramadhan. belajar-belajar jugak, tarawih jangan lupa haa.

2008-09-20T12:58:00.006+08:00

Yu-Gi-Oh! rules. seriously. it's one of those little things from my childhood that gets me through some of the toughest things in life. it's not just the anime or the cards. it's what i feel for them.

Blue Eyes White Dragon, the only card that i really cherish. i don't know why but i've always felt a strange affliation to Blue Eyes. maybe cos it's the only card that i can really place faith in. to me it's not just a card - it's special. and yes, if i was really sad, i used to talk to it.

Seto Kaiba, CEO of KaibaCorp (at the age of 18) and one of the best duellist around. the anti-hero-cum-villian in the anime. saves the day but is always trying to beat Yugi. most people see him as stubborn, arrogant, selfish (which he is), heartless, cruel and bossy(which he can be). but for all he's worth, he keeps to his word and knows how to repay favours. he's not evil; he's just... Kaiba. anyway, his holier-richer-smarter-than-thou attitude is usually translated into his sarcastic words that ended up being unintentionally humorous. but he is none of this with his younger brother and only family (they were orphans and adopted by a rich world chess champion who Kaiba defeated), Mokuba. seriously, his brother is his soft spot. he had risked his life and soul countlessly to save his brother, and it's only with Mokuba that we can see the more sweeter side of Kaiba. the pendant hanging from his neck contains Mokuba's picture, and Mokuba has a similar one containing Kaiba's pic. in short, there are only 3 things he care about other than himself: Mokuba, KaibaCorp and Blue Eyes White Dragon.

and obviously, he's my inspiration. why? i like the way he handle stuffs. and also cos of his sense of humour, despite it being condescending always. he's not just cool; he's wayy too cool. even his outfit is cool.

anyway, just to have an idea of how Kaiba's words are:

"If Marik can brainwash people,Joey must have been brainwashed by him to become a mean dog to bite you to death.If I were brainwashed,I would do that." -to Yami Yugi

"I'm not giving up Kaiba Corporation without a real fight... It's takeover time... by me!" (when he discovers Pegasus is trying to take over his company)

Joey: "Looks like a regular old briefcase to me..."

Kaiba: "Its IN the briefcase, you moron!" (when taking out his Duel Disks)

"Just give me one second to pick this lock.." - (to Mokuba when attempting to free him from Pegasus. this part was kinda funny since Mokuba was expecting a hi-tech rescue plan)

"One day we will meet in the arena again, and we'll decide which of us is truly the better duelist, and one of us will walk away with pride." (while apologizing to Yugi about the duel where he threatened to kill himself when he was driven to the edge of the tower)

"If I had a nickel for every time you used the word destiny, I'd be even richer..." - to Yugi

"How sad. You went through all that trouble over some Egyptian Fairytale? I'm surrounded by superstitious nitwits..."

"Teamwork is for boy scouts and nursery school, Yugi."

2008-09-19T22:04:00.002+08:00

this is a special shoutout to one of my besties, Farid!
thanks so much for hearing me out today, and also for cheering me up. seriously, your selamba atttitude is much much appreciated. haha. i realise how much i miss talking to you, dude. anyway, thanks so much for everything rid! kaulah antara sahabatku yang tergerek di dunia(:

in case any of you are wondering, i got back some stuffs today, and somehow some of it weren't exactly things to be pleased about. i was holding on pretty okay, but then i still felt the strong urge to talk it out. so i rang rid up after school and then, rather than being sad, i ended up laughing throughout the whole 15 minutes thanks to rid's selenge-ness. and oh, his story about his O level oral and etc. hahaha. seriously, it's hard not to laugh just hearing him.

and rid, aku janji, nanti raya aku hantar kau kad besar okie? hehe.

2008-09-18T23:59:00.002+08:00

this is what i want:

Maksim's 6th album!! and why is it Pure II and not simply Pure? well, according to his webiste, contractual problems. anyway, that doesn't matter. all i want right now is to get that album. and oh, he's coming up with a greatest hits soon, so yes, i want that as well.

and before i want this and that, i must be able to find his albums in the shops first. but so far, CD-RAMA at cwp doesn't even seem to carry any of his albums anymore. dude, his music is nice. please please bring his CDs back in.

to be honest, i always view music as a way to escape from reality. or to confront it. but usually to escape, cos when you listen to songs, it's like you get transported somewhere else, you discover another part of yourself and feel inspired. i guess that's why i like maksim's music - they leave me feeling inspired. [seriously people, i'm not that shallow to only like him for his looks.]

changed blogsong again. i opted for Leeloo's Tune this time round cos i think it's simply... beautiful. there should be a better word to describe it rather than beautiful, but i can't seem to find the word. maybe cos when i heard the song, it brings back a lot of memories. sad and happy, happy and sad. i guess this is what you call remembering and missing the wrong things at the wrong time.

to end off this post before D-Day Part 1 tomorrow, i shall include two quotes; one with a reference to my bracketed statement. it's from another guy that i sorely miss, especially in the english footballing world: Mr Jose Mourinho. but he's doing a 'fine' job keeping his mouth shut in italy, so i guess there's no difference there:

"Sometimes you see beautiful people with no brains. Sometimes you have players
who are intelligent, like scientists. Our pitch is a bit like that. From the top
it's a disgrace but the ball rolls at a normal speed."

"If you have at home (cars) 1 Bentley and 1 Aston Martin, if you go all
everyday in the Bentley and leave the Aston Martin in the garage, you are a bit
stupid."

2008-09-16T22:01:00.001+08:00

the world's economy isn't in a very good state. seriously. a lot of US major finance firms are shutting down, and there are fears that Britain might be heading for a recession. usually i don't really care about economics; but i guess this time it's slightly different. currently there are fears that major US insurance company AIG may be next to go bust. and this worries me because 1) that's my insurance company and 2) they're Man Utd's major sponsor. 'nuff said as to why it worries me suddenly. but Fed and world banks are pouring in quite a large sum of money to help save these companies, so let's hope it'll all stabilise it slightly.

but i don't know. the world's economy is looking pretty gloomy now, but i guess it's one of those times. it'll pass. but for now, i guess we all have to be prepared to face whatever might come.

man, i sound old. why am i even worrying about economics? it's okayy. shares are plunging and whatnot, but it's part of a cycle. the world will pull through this.

i have no idea what to wear for career day tomorrow. i can find the pants, but i have no idea what top should go along with it. my near-formal shirt doesn't look like it'll ever see the formal light ever again. truth be told, i don't even feel like coming to school tomorrow. oh wells.

anyway, went home with Jing Li. she's such an entertaining person to talk to! and oh, i ran into Dika at commonwealth mrt! which is considerably a surprise, cos it was only yesterday that i was suddenly reminded of him. doinks. guess that's the problem with long-time friends. haha.

and and and, Rid! you, me, umai, and wan should go group study soon again! haha.. but this time round, we'll tell you guys wayy beforehand. and rid, 30 minutes lagi ehk. kwang3.

2008-09-15T23:03:00.002+08:00

after 3 hours on mine/my brother's electric guitar (which i played acoustic, since really, i have no idea how to handle it with the amplifier), i have acquired something: 3 dry fingertips, 1 sliced one, and a nail that is chipped at the side. yayy. my fingers were itching to hold on to a guitar since after break fast. which i eventually did at 8pm. heheh. and oh, did i mention that i named that guitar? i called him Blake. his acoustic older brother i've named Timmy. cute right?

today was officially the last prelim paper, which was HMT. the paper 1 was such a happy paper. one of the functional writing qn was about the new Malay mag, SUTRA. then one of the qn for section 2 was about factors leading to singapore's survival. from the way i wrote it, i've never sounded so proud of the government (:

right now i'm itching to play the guitar again tmr. i wonder if the Arts Con band stuffs will be on. i'd like to compare the sound of their guitar and mine. although if i remembered correctly, the Arts Con's one isn't that impressive for a guitar (i didn't even like the guitar. it felt too fake)

something weird happened to me today. i didn't know if it was all merely coincidences. but when two people from your past and one from your present enter the fray of the day, it gets confusing.

i'm thinking of changing the blogsong. i think Still Waters and Somewhere In Time are very romantic pieces. and both can bring back quite a fair bit of memories. So is Leeloo's Theme. anyway, see how lah. i don't want people to feel sad when visiting my blog. hahaa.

finished the lyrics for the grad song i kinda wrote for the class. i might post it sometime soon, after i've re-edited it. and try to see if i can find a tune on the guitar for it, but the chances are slim. doinks.

and to umai, who suddenly sounded down tonight, cheer up babe. jgn risau sgt psl langau tu. fikirkan hadiah orang tu lagi bagus! [apa kata kita borongkan sekali on the 27th? kan boleh add on glitter-mlitter dia lepas tu banyak2.]

2008-09-11T17:00:00.003+08:00

i'm crazy. seriously. i spent 3 hours all the way till 3am watching and listening to Maksim Mrvica play the piano on Youtube. and i forgot just how much i love the way he plays his music. and of course, ahem... how fine he looks. half the time i was watching the vids, i was captivated by his model good looks. but of course, ultimately it's his music that wins everything else hands-down. i remembered that i started to like listening to him after his rendition of Flight Of The Bumblebee a few years back. the crazy speed at which his fingers work on the piano - it's utterly amazing.

can't wait until his new album hit the CD stores in Singapore (:

i heard the demos, and like almost everything he plays, it's nice. utterly nice.

anw, changed my blogsong to one of my fave vids from him, Croatian Rhapsody. even if you're not a fan of classical music, do watch it for the player:

2008-09-10T20:16:00.002+08:00

Ciao amici!

iow, yes, i have discovered that my inner european is italian! at least according to the quiz that i did on blogthings ytd with umai. hehe. if singapore shook last night, well.. the culprits are anybody BUT us. kwang3.

anw, blogthings quiz is hilariously interesting. which is why i like doing them because other than discovering more about yourself (i know what career to take already - according to the quiz, i should be an artist. muahaha!), realising that the computer can tell you who you really are thanks to simply your name (and the best part is, every single word is true), it also comes up with the darnest name, esp on the name generators thing.

THIS IS THE SECTION WHERE YOU'RE PERMITTED TO LAUGH FOR 5 SEC EACH.
my pirate name: Surgeon Wicked Wilma
my vampire name: Countess of Austria (*Slytherin evil laugh*)
my fashion designer name: Nur Venice (how? glam or very glam?)
my leprechaun name: Tweedle O'Weedle
my socialite name: Pontianak Ibiza (i feel so honoured! sniff sniff, wave hanky to crowd.)

and all your 25 secs is up, so please stop laughing.

umai's ones were equally hilarious, and i think we couldn't stop laughing in front of our screens for a good hour or so. score another one for the complete solution to de-stress!

and the grad song lyrics is coming along pretty well. i couldn't resist injecting some italian into it, but hey, italian's a romance language, okay.

and talking about italian, i miss tiramisu making with umai! sobs sobs. nevermind nevermind, the moment the last paper for O's is out, we shall gorge on tiramisu. rid can pay for us. hehehe. no lah. i am nice - we shall share the cost for one HUGE tiramisu and a bunch of other stuffs. i think the photo caption will be cute (in the form of a headline): The Three Glers Launched Attack - one huge tiramisu and 4 plates of sushi among casualties. that will be the best news ever (:

but for now, i shall start slowly looking for special hari raya cards/e-cards, and a supeeeeeeerrrr special maha sepesel hari raya card/e-card. hehe. i noe u noe we noe what, kan umai kan?? hehe.

la mia incompleta storia d'amore

2008-09-07T00:49:00.003+08:00

se tu amore qualcuno, lascia lui perdere

and you all can go and figure out what it means. hehh. clue: mussolini.

anyway, i'm taking a pretty long break from studying before i launch into History. only 1 small chapter and 1 large chapter left. oh wells.

deb just intro-ed me to Nat Bedingfield's new song, Angel, and the sentimental sucker i am, yes, i fell in love with the lyrics. a bit sappy, but i think it'll sound really pretty in a wedding. but seriously, the song that i was kinda in for the night was Shakira's Don't Bother. it sounds very fitting.

j'ai essayarei t'oublier.
je pense si que je pouvais t'oublier jamais, je serais plus heureux.
mais pourquoi je t'ai preoccupe toujours?
et pourquoi si tu me laisseras, j'etais triste?
Dites-moi, mon amor, pourquoi?

ego iacio meus amor in tu

2008-09-06T02:14:00.002+08:00

the thing about songwriting/lyrics writing is that it just keeps on coming. i'm trying to come up with a grad song, which is about half-done. but i'm still not satisfied with some parts. so i guess it might take me a few days or a week to settle it. it's not just another love song - it's a graduation song. i don't know how the singer is going to sing it - the problem is, i wrote it with mariah carey in mind. anw, for the time being, i need to look for a pianist. and a band. seriously. or at least a decent music-mixing software that i'll know how to use. Cakewalk got me lost.

i realise that i like the Harry Potter world. which is weird, seeing that i don't like Harry Potter. but yeah. i like the whole fantasy world. correction. i like Slytherin, the Malfoys and the Blacks. don't ask me why i'm drawn to them. it's the same reason why i'm drawn to the romanticised version of the Sicilian Mafia. i just like them.

Currently in the midst of reading this hilarious book by Ian Sansom entitled The Delegates Choice. i think the reviewer was right: it is "a perfect antidote for melancholy". thanks mr sansom for introducing such funny characters.

okay, i shall continue my 'scriptwriting' session with umai aka our late night craps. we're on our version of HP and the Chamber of Secrets. and we're already down to scene 9! yayy!

2008-09-05T01:24:00.002+08:00

i told someone once that i don't know if seeing _ around or talking to _ would be a good thing.
and i guess i got the answer.

but hey, it ain't matter anymore.
___________________________
If I Were You - Tamia

I look in the mirror, with you in my arms
And I see a reflection
Of a smile that says you believe in love
And just for a moment, I drifted away
But I couldn't stay cuz
A hint of love, a bit of fear
I'm tryin' to say

[Chorus] If I were you, I wouldn't be here
If I were you I would stay right where you are
I wouldn't come near this broken heart
Just turn around and leave here
And find someone who won't hurt you
Make sure that she still believes in love
Cuz I think my heart has given up
If I were you, I wouldn't be here

I'm tryin' to protect you
From the lies that your heart tells
Even though it says that you love me
All I see is pain and misery
Seasons may change
But I can't forget the days of old
My heart ached when you walked away
I said I'd never love again

[Chorus]

The days go by
And I feel that you could make me happy
Time goes on
And I feel that love is at my door
And though I tell myself that you're the one
Who said those words before
Thought it hurts too much
I can't trust in love
Again
Again

[Chorus] x3
___________________________
Who Do You Tell (When You Love Someone) - Tamia

[ Verse: ]
There you were in a crowded room
With someone at least I assumed
How did I know I would fall in love
With you so soon

Just one look in your eyes
And I see the truth
And I try hard to hide that I'm made for you
But I know deep inside
things that we could do
Just as long as we're together
But...

[ Chorus: ] Who do you tell when you love someone
Hoping that someone's in love with you
Who do you tell when you love someone
I think I might as well tell you

I can't believe that I feel this way
There is so much that I want to say
I wanna touch you, hold you,feel you, please you
As we're making love allthrough the night
We would talk to each other
We would laugh and play
We would claim it's forever
every night and day
We would share every minute
'til the test of time
In my mind

[ Chorus ]

[ Bridge: ]
I've hesitated so many times
And I won't let you slip away from me no
I know you're for me
And me for you
But I don't know what to say or to do
So now that we're together
I'm telling you

[ Chorus repeat ]

2008-09-03T20:06:00.004+08:00

emath extra lessons today. slacked at the back for 3 hours. occasionally listening in to the important stuffs. lessons ended, people left save JL, nanthini, nurun and me [and our emath teacher]. they did their work, i tried to do mine. except that i couldn't focus.
i dont know what's wrong with me, or why. you told me beforehand yesterday and i was fine with the cancellation. but suddenly i miss you like i've never missed you before.

so yeah.. i had to get things out of my system. so i sat down and manage to eke out parts for 3 songs that suddenly popped into my head. i completed one. but that said, i wasn't sure if the melody flowed because i wrote out the lyrics first.

same rules apply.

Last Thing I'd Do

Sometimes i don't know what hurts more
To still love you or to let you go
But if every path i take leads me nowhere
Then hey, maybe it ain't matter anymore

But deep down inside I know
I'd die if you were gone
How am i gonna stand myself?
How am i gonna stand missing you?

* Tell me, how am i to miss you
When you're never here?
Tell me, how can i feel your touch
When you're never near?
Tell me, why do i love you when
That should be the last thing i'd do
Last thing i'd do

Nowadays i go all about
Laughing joking a smile on my face
But what nobody knows is inside this heart
But hey, maybe it ain't matter anymore

Cos deep down inside i know
I'm dying bit by bit
How am i to soldier on without your love?
How am i to keep looking up to the sky above?

*

I admit, i do still love you
Though it should be the last thing i'd do
Last thing I'd do
For you

2008-09-03T01:33:00.011+08:00

changed the song again. there's eng subs on the vid, so it's universally understandable. although i like the tune of the song, i can't help finding the lyrics quite sad. being a secret lover must be tough because the whole thing has to be kept a secret. i wonder where Ungu got the inspiration for that song...

anyway, my mood was slightly dampened. what should have been on tomorrow had to be put off to an unknown time. i mean, it's okay lah. guess it's just not my time.

to cheer myself up, i visited Victoria's Secrets website and took a look at the fall wardrobe. and i fell in love with almost all the clothes. some pieces that i was interested in:

terry off-shoulder dress ; peplum blouse

Kate fit straight leg pants ; Carmen fit wide leg pants

pleated scoopneck bra top ; blouson halter bra top

blouson tie-waist top ; corset blouse

silk georgiette babydoll bra top ; gathered sleeves top

nice right? but sighs. i can only just hope for these pieces. i don't even know if they're gonna be shipped to SG and sold at around 30 bucks? fat chance. even their bags are what.. 40 +++ ?

anw, for those who want to take a look at more of these VS products, go here:

http://www.victoriassecret.com/

"stand out in a crowd. take a chance. turn heads. break hearts. embrace your sexy side."

- slogan on VS Very Sexy Hot Pocket Totebag

2008-09-01T20:01:00.002+08:00

selamat berpuasa semuanya (:

okay lah, seeing how the first day of the fasting month is already over, this message is kinda late. BUT it's never too late cos we have 29 more days to go! [and on a more morbid note, it's the start of countdown for the Os.]

and thanks to anak Pak Saad's [aka Syafiq Saad] MSN personal message, i have been inspired to continue with it.

he wrote: puasa yok2 bangun pagi bukak periuk

i shall write: puasa yok2 bangun pagi bukak periuk
perut keroncong sekali tengok periuk kosong

and i suddenly thought of this: puasa yok2 lepas sahur tarik selimut
orang sibuk subuh dia buat air liur

HAHA! yayyy. i shall ask umai, rid and wan to join in the formation of these pantun puasa one of these days. hehe.

the fasting month is super fun. i loike i loike (:

anw, selamat berpuasa everybody(: dah minum air katirah dgn chendol geylang tu, jangan lupa tarawih dgn belajar. hehe.

2008-08-31T00:27:00.002+08:00

went for group study with umai at Civics Centre lib today(:
i feel so proud of myself, to be up by 9 on a saturday for 4 hours worth of amath and chem.
anyway, we started at around 10 and of course, being us, we couldn't resist some light good-natured crap and random discussions about school and life.

then around 12 we took turns to SMS rid. hehe. that was hilarious, cos rid had to text between me and her. according to him, he was studying at republic poly's canteen. but we just asked him if he wanted to join us at the lib. he was enthu about the idea and told us to give him 30 min. he also said that wan will be coming along.

so we waited. 40 minutes later wan showed up. we asked him where rid was and he said don't know. [okay, we half-heard it. so we sort of assumed rid was somewhere lost outside.] then another 10 min passed. no sign of rid. we asked wan again, and guess what? rid was at home, which is technically only 10 min from the lib. he wasn't at RP. chet!

and then we waited - again. then umai caught sight of him crossing the traffic light. when he neared the glass panel, umai quickly wrote big big on a piece of paper "1/2 hour??" haha. so much for 30 min. [and then we told wan our misadventures with time based on our past outings. and yayy, wan laughed at rid.]

so then the 4 of us sat down and studied chem for another 30 min. rid and i argued about whether sodium oxide is a solid at rtp for a while before we opened his textbook and found the answer. hehe. and wan was totally relax one corner, happily doing his chem-physics. then at around 2, umai and i went off for lunch cos i was super hungry and my brain was gonna burst already. so we exchanged goodbyes and reminders to fast for the upcoming fasting month (it will start on monday!)

but it was super fun studying with them. cool right, three different schools come together to study, argue and crap. hehe. yayy. i miss them alot alot.

so we shall go for a massive outing after Os, okay dudes (and beb)?? we drag along all the rest and go attack some eating place for our own grad party. umai and i have found a perfect spot. kan umai kan? hehe.

i think i should go for these weekly study sessions at the lib every sat. it helps, actually. i never thought i could cover 2 subs in 4 hours. and besides, the lib is kinda nice to lounge in.

so yes. Woodlands Civic Centre Library, you are officially my fave place today (:

2008-08-30T00:53:00.003+08:00

to all teachers, Happy Teachers' Day(:

went home, abandoned my plan to visit my pri sch and opted for a movie marathon instead. but i fell asleep halfway so that's not exactly counted.

anyway, i came across this meaningful song just now. i only had one song by Tamia (Officially Missing You), then i thought i should look for me. and i found this song:

Almost by Tamia

Can you tell me,
How can one miss what she's never had
How could I reminisce when there is not past
How could I have memories of being happy with you boy

Can someone tell me how can this be
How could my mind pull up incidents
Recall dates and times that never happened
How could we celebrate love that's too late and
How could I really mean the words I'm about to say

[Chorus]:
I miss the times that we almost shared
I miss the love that was almost there
I miss the times that we used to kiss
At least in my dreams just let me take my time and reminisce
I miss the times that we never had
What happen to us, we were almost there
Who ever said it's impossible to miss
What you never had, never almost had you

I cannot believe I let you go
Or what I should say is, I should have grabbed you up and never let you go
I should have went out with you
I should have made you my boo, boy
Yeah, that is one time I should have broke the rules

Should have went on the date,
should have found a way to escape
Should have turned almost into if it happen, now it's too late
How could I celebrate a love that wasn't real
And if it didn't happen, why does my heart feel

Chorus

(some times I want to hug you, sometimes I want to love you)
You seem to be the perfect one for me
(some times I want to touch you, but tonight I want to love you)
You, you're all I ever wanted
You're my everything, Yes it's true
Boy it's hard to be close to you
My love, boy it may sound crazy
But I'm in love with you

Chorus 3X
______________________________________________

today during the concert they played all the songs that i used to silently dedicate to you.
and i re-dedicate them again to you.

falling down on everything i knew

2008-08-22T23:32:00.003+08:00

Falling Down - Oasis

The summer sun
It blows my mind
It's falling down on all that I've ever known
Time to kiss the world goodbye
Falling down on all that I've ever known
Is all that I've ever known

A dying scream
It makes no sound
Calling out to all that I've ever known
Here am I, lost and found
Calling out to all

We live a dying dream
If you know what I mean
All that I've ever known
It's all that I've ever known

Catch the wind that breaks the butterfly
I cried the rain that fills the ocean wide
I tried to talk with God to no avail
Calling my name from out of nowhere
I said "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time"

Catch the wind that breaks the butterfly
I cried the rain that fills the ocean wide
I tried to talk with God to no avail
Calling my name from out of nowhere
I said "If you won't save me, please don't waste my time"

The summer sun
It blows my mind
It's falling down on all that I've ever known
Time to kiss the world goodbye
Falling down on all that I've ever known
Is all that I've ever known
_________________________________________
thank you Oasis for coming up with a song that i can really relate to now.
when i've no one to relate to.

i'm falling apart away from others' view. and with every waking day, i realise how much i need you back in my life to help me pull this moment.
at the very least you could put back the meaning back in my life.
at the very least you could lessen the tears and give me just that enough strength to carry on.
at the very least i know i'm not alone.

i'm very tired. just hear me out. somebody. please.

2008-08-19T20:25:00.002+08:00

came to school with a recurring tension headache. i don't like it. it hurts. and i can't have things both ways: it's either i stay up late, or i'm stressed/thinking too much. if i do both, i'll be getting those headaches again. and i don't know. it feels like i have to keep on depending on my painkillers to ease it off.

but towards the end of the day, i felt better. so i started the whole post-it convo thingy with the Back Five. and yeah. it got olga to turn around to ask why we were so high. we can't help it, i guess. we're always like that when we're stuck in mundane stuffs.

aborted my plan for starbucks and headed home. only to be locked out of my own house thanks to me not having my house keys. sat outside for an hour plus until my parents came back. luckily i had OCK currypuffs with me. and my geog textbook. i've never been so focused on human geog before. and oh, then the ice cream uncle started ringing the bell downstairs so i bought an ice cream, sat outside my door and ate it.

more eating ensued after my parents came back. so much for my reduced-carbo diet.
then wrote a song. more of lyrics. i have the tune in my head, but i don't know how to play it on the guitar so i couldnt jot down the chords. but when i wrote it, the main instrument playing in my head was more of the piano rather than the guitar.

not mind-blowing, but i had to get my thoughts and feelings out. and since there's no melody, well, you can create your own. but please, this lyrics is mine. if you want to use it, please tell me and not just steal it. it's evil, it's wrong and it hurts.

Gone

If you are gone
How will my life be like?
Will the stars still shine for me
Or like the sun
it'll fade into the night?

# I look out the window
Searching for an answer
But all that is staring back at me
Is the dark and emptiness

* So I know that if you're gone
That's what my heart will be like
Cold and empty, inside out
Thirsting for a drop of love
Guess that's what I'm gonna feel
When you're gone

#*

I never understood why
You enter and leave my life
Can you hear the plea for you to stay
I love you, don't go away

*
When you're gone

After you're gone
How will my life be like?
Will the stars still shine for me
Or like the sun
It'll fade into the night?

2008-08-11T19:47:00.002+08:00

changed the jukebox again. i don't know, i just felt connected to that song : I Stay In Love by Mariah Carey, ever since i heard the piano instrumental on youtube. it just sounded pretty.

i'm not really in the mood to sic things out or whatever. so yes, this blog will be entry-less for a few days.

still, whatever. enjoy the song.

2008-08-10T02:46:00.003+08:00

i've been... well, let's just say i've been sitting down to think hard about stuffs. and... i just don't know how everything will end up. i'm trying to get my life back on track and focus on what needs to be focused on. but it's hard. it's way too hard.

i've weighed all the consequences on both sides. but it still leaves me with a nought for an answer, because what exactly am i more willing to risk?

i'm terrified of whatever that is to come. maybe it's my fault for letting myself end up in this position. but now that i'm faced with the harsh reality, i'm just scared.

i can ask around, but the ultimate decision rests on me. i'm trying very hard to keep an open mind about this whole thing. still i find myself blinded by the situation to even think about acting rationally. i simply don't know what i'm more willing to forsake.

me, or us.

i don't want to hurt you. but at the same time i don't want to regret.

days are flying past. i don't have much time.

2008-08-09T21:36:00.002+08:00

this is gonna be a special post for a special day(:

HAPPY 43RD BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE!

and again, it takes me quite some time to realise we're 43 and no longer 37. i don't know. everytime it's National Day, i keep on thinking Spore is still 37. but no we're not. we're now in our early forties (:

anyway, i was reading The Saturday Times and i almost laughed reading one of the columns about why the Western detractors love to hate Singapore. authoritarian country? are you kidding me? just because we speak English doesn't mean we have to conform to the Western lifestyle. sure, our liberty looks controlled, but just like parents raising kids, too much might not be a good thing. i mean, we're happy with our way of life which is a complete rojak (mixture). it's so cool. anywhoodles, adapted from the author's words, they don't really know how to face this creature named after a lion cos we're neither here nor there. which makes us unique. now i realise how apt the STB tagline (Uniquely Singapore) is. it's not just our food - heck, our political system too. and the ban on chewing gum which none of us really care about anyway, cos chewing gum is so passe. people are into donuts now.

back to the topic. why do i love Singapore? because it's Singapore. no, really. i mean, we're unique right? so that's why i love it. the food (this is super important to us Singaporeans who are perhaps the only country with eating as a national past-time), the public transport system (the mrt and buses are really interesting places to be in, i swear), all those cool places stashed away in some corner (like that paintball spot at sembawang), Singlish, the NDP, HDB flats, the racial cohesion+tolerance+acceptance+harmony, and complaining about everything in Singapore but grown to like it eventually. and oh, coffeeshop and wet markets. these things make Singaporeans Singaporeans. cool eh?

in short, we have a little bit of this, of that. we learn to swear in 4 plus different languages. we listen to songs although we understand nothing without the translations. our political system is weird, but likeable and effective. even our gangsters vary accordingly but still have the Singaporean attitude branded on them.

people are complaining about us not having a Singapore identity. actually, we do. it's just that it's a complex mix, we can't find a word to describe it perfectly in English.

but hey, how about rojak?

2008-08-07T23:24:00.002+08:00

Though I'd be safe living behind this wall
But the pressure's too much
And it's starting to fall

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind
Underneath the disguise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore

Sometimes I just wanna run away
Sometimes I, I wanna run

We're going in circles
A constant battle
As the clouds cast a shadow on us

Well I guess I'm trying to be nonchalant about it
And I'm going the extremes to prove I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my my mind
Underneath the disguise of a smile gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel and I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal that fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise 'til I go home at night
And turn down all the lights and then break down and cry
____________________________________________

i'm barely holding it all together. i'm barely holding on.
everything is just too much.
i just wanna get away. pack my stuffs, get lost and shut everything out.

how bitter is a breakdown when you're battling it all alone.
cos the only thing that's hearing me is the four corners of my room.

2008-08-06T20:17:00.002+08:00

although it's 2033 hours now, i have a safe bet i won't be catching the dream train anytime before 1am. and somehow, my gut feeling tells me it's gonna be a sleepless night for me again. like wow. i can hold on 3 days with 3 hours of sleep per day. can i hold on another night like that? don't switch the tv remote, don't get your ass away from your seat. stay tuned to find out more.

and obviously it led me to being restless the whole day. the school day was pretty slack cos teachers either go through stuffs, they forgot to come in for lessons, they weren't in school or they were just plain boring. but homework kept on coming and coming. and coming and coming and coming. by geog, me and jes lee were already tired and fed up out of our wits. so naturally we had to come up with crap and start making noise to render us awake enough for Fascist Japan-ridden History lesson. and we agreed that the chapter is a must-study cos..well. there are only 2 things they can test us on. Causes and Impacts of Militarism. and uhh.. it was sort of new to me cos i've never studied that chapter before. *flinches*

then just now during HML, it was fun, although it was just sitting at that see-saw area to finish up our practice paper. initially, Cikgu Rina came over and sat to talk to us for a while. Cikgu is so cool lah seyy. our plan is to lepak (hang out) at her house after our Os and go for an outing. then Mdm Christina Low saw us and we sort of volunteered to deliver 3 cartons of drinks to the GO (now we know where they keep all the good stuffs). after that Cikgu Samat saw us and talked to us for a while before excusing himself to eat cos he was super hungry. Mira was obsessed about her Yakult and Nescafe (and then she got bullied by us). and then we decided on what to get Cikgu Kartinie for Teachers' Day.

talking about Teachers' Day, i have no idea what to get for my teachers. and also cos, well, i'm kinda broke. but never mind, i'll defo think of something.

and my new fave line from my new fave song from Mariah Carey:

got flavor like ice cream, cos i'm that chick you like

~ I'm That Chick by MC in E=MC2

thinking of which, we can probably use that slogan for the yearbook thingey. i think it'll be cute.

2008-08-05T23:47:00.002+08:00

guess what? operating on three hours of sleep for a soon-to-be third day straight isn't doing anything good to me or anyone else for that matter. cos by 2230 hours, our brains pretty much shut down. and any answers that crop up in our homework/revision is utter gibberish. sure, we're awake. sure, we know the answers, or at least know that we knew the answer once. then it all went haywire.

cos 1) we are already struggling to stay awake. and i really mean it. 2) we really wanna finish up our work cos we have no other alternative 3) as much as we tried, the brain has shut down. a 30-min power nap only restores alertness for the first 5 minutes. 4) i have no idea what i'm doing or writing.

2008-08-05T00:57:00.002+08:00

I'll Light A Candle by Agnes Monica and Keith Martin

I spend my time today
Just thinking of you
My heart and my mind
Are filled with missing you

I can't wait for the moment
When you finally back in my arms
So for now while you're not around
The thought of you keeps me warm

I'm longing for your touch
And your kisses i really miss
I hope you come home soon
But until then this is what I'd do

*Reff
I'll light a candle ( To say that you can hold )
Just to let you know ( Just to let you know)
That I've waiting so long for you to hold me
Tell me that you will stay ( Stay with me forever )
I'll light a candle in the window
All because of ...

(Keith Martin)
Just the thought of you
Gets me through my days
You constantly on my mind
In every single way

I can feel your touch in my dreams
I don't want to open my eyes
Just to know that you're waiting for me
Makes me feel warm inside

It's only time
That keeps us apart
But in a moment
We'll be face-to-face
And heart to heart

* Reff

(Agnes)
There's nothing that I need to know
That you coming home

(Keith Martin)
Don't you worry girl
You won't be alone too long

(Agnes)
When the morning comes and I see your face
Lying next to me

(Together)
We will make it last forever
Don't ever leave

*Reff
*Reff

i keep the smiles and laughters to avoid the painful truths. it's not time to face them yet.
with a few weeks left, the only thing i am left to do is to cherish every moment with you.
it's ironic - you're ready to settle down; i barely started life.

2008-08-04T00:14:00.002+08:00

listened to Delon today. i think he has a very sweet voice. manly and strong, but sweet. it's hard not to like his voice. and of course, my fave song from him today is Merindumu (Missing You). i swear, everytime i hear that song, i melt. that, Karena Cinta (Because Of Love) and Aku Masih Cinta (I Still Love You).

also found Chelsea Olivia's Kucinta Apa Adanya Kamu (I Love You For Who You Are). personally, the song was meaningful. i mean, nowadays people keep on looking at superficiality. but loving someone should be about the person - you don't have to like or accept the flaws. but.. i don't know, we just have to treat those flaws as something that makes the person that we love the person that we love. without those flaws, the person we love won't be the person we love.

come to think of it, Titi DJ's songs are quite nice as well. Jangan Berhenti Mencintaiku (Don't Stop Loving Me) has this subtle connotation of imploring, or rather requesting, the Significant Other to appreciate you in their lives. and also cos knowing that he/she loves you makes you feel alive.

and ST12's Puspa is nice! i heard it over one of those fill-in slots on one of the indonesian channels quite some time back, and although i made a mental note to download the song, i sort of forgot. then i found the lyrics and the song as well. ST12 really has a way with their songs.

how can i forget Yovie & Nuno, winner for Favourite Indonesian Artiste on MTV Asia Awards 2008? their songs Menjaga Hati (Protecting Your Heart) and Inginku Bukan Hanya Menjadi Temanmu (I Don't Just Want To Be Your Friend) are sweet. and nicely done with that distinct Yovie & Nuno touch.

Letto has won me over with Permintaan Hati (Heart's Request). granted, it wasn't melt-worthy like Sebelum Cahaya (Before Daylight). mainly because the beat was faster. but i can't help liking the song. actually, i like almost all of Letto's songs. their songs always sound so sincere.

sighs. no wonder Indonesian artistes are considered the giants in the Malay music industry. the effect that their songs leave on listeners. and how deeply meaningful their lyrics are. when it comes to love songs, they can perfectly capture the feeling.

that's not to say Singaporean Malay artistes are not as good. Taufik always always always makes me melt everytime i hear him song, no matter what song. Usah Lepaskan (Don't Let Go), Berserah (Leaving It Up To Fate) and Till were perhaps some of my fave tracks from him because every song, every line sounds so sincere, it really touches my heart. and when he performs live, we can just know the sincerity there.

the same goes for Hady Mirza (anw, congrats Hady on being the singer for this year's NDP theme song!) during the Asian Idol competition (which he won!), when he sang Berserah, i couldn't help tearing. to prove my point, i listened to his other songs and watched his other performances. conclusion: there is just so much sincerity in his singing. you can feel it.

Aliff Aziz is still relatively new, but so far he's doing quite well. my fave song had to be Nyala, because i felt that's where he showed maturity and the prowess of his voice. give him a few years. he's only 17, there is still a long time for him to improve on his singing and song choices.

Fuad Rahman, although i can't find his songs as easily as Taufik's or Hady's, impresses me as well. granted, he's a rocker. but when he delivers those slow rock ballads, i can't help not liking them.

Elfee Ismail, pride of the Singaporean Malay community when it comes to traditional songs. he was the winner of Bintang Nusantara 2007, an annual competition held between traditional singers from Singapore, Malaysia and Brunei. His dad was renowned veteran singer R. Ismail who used to sing the very popular and much loved Gurindam Jiwa. His elder brother, Eiss, is another Singaporean Malay singer, but he's more inclined towards pop/rock. in short, he was from an arts bloodline. Elfee's voice is captivating - it sounds almost as powerful as his dad's. you never tire of his voice somehow.

okay, i think that's enough of gushing over some of my fave Malay artistes.
morning people!
and how is it that every song reminds me of you, in smiles or through tears? sometimes i hate myself for loving you too much.

2008-08-02T01:12:00.002+08:00

as noted, i changed my jukebox from For The Record to Thanx 4 Nothin. i was contemplating whether to put in Last Kiss, It's Like That, Heat or Thanx 4 Nothin before settling for the latter. and according to some youtube viewers, Thanx 4 Nothin is sort of a prelude to For The Record. one thing i like about MC is that some of her songs are coherently arranged. she did that for some of her MVs for Emancipation of Mimi, and she did it again for her tracks in E=MC2.

anyway, it's finally the end of the week. the only two subjects that i recalled actually listening in/studying today was amath and chem. which is bad, considering that i took almost 3 hours to try and complete one of the amath practice papers. sighs. there's this mutual disunity between me and maths.

after chem remedial, went to pray before hitting LJS for a very late lunch (or was it tea-time?) at about 4 plus. the stomach was hurting since..well, 1.15. but i guess once in a while it's okay to operate on an empty stomach.

but the whole time after school, for some reason you were in my mind. i realised that i'm actually scared about a lot of things. my prelims. my Os. my future.
and also, if you completely leave my life. if that happens... i can live, but i won't be alive.
yes, i'm loving the way the schoolweek ends - i got to see you for three days straight. i finally got to hear your voice, your laugh. see your smile. inhale your scent. exchange smses. i cherish every single waking moment that i'm with you.
but as i see how fast the days are passing, i just get scared because i know what it all spells. i'm trying very hard to make the most of whatever time that we could possibly have, no matter is it 2 minutes or 2 hours.
i love you, but i'm just scared. people say they respect me for the way i love you. but deep down, i don't feel that way - i'm too scared about all this. i don't even know what to do when the time comes - or if i can even pluck the courage when the time comes.
i guess it's true when they say that loving is never easy. but when you're unsure about what to do but completely sure about how you feel, that's when it hurts too much.

2008-07-31T20:55:00.001+08:00

for the first time in a very very long time, i felt really happy(:

a few things happened the past few days, some good some bad. i mean, i didn't really take these things too hard. cos like what Mariah Carey sang in For The Record,

"But whatever
That's how it goes
Win some you lose some
And others you hold in your heart "

but what happened today really made me smile. and uhh, no, i wasn't talking about the scolding that the class got from mr tan, or the sianzation of the day. haha(:

anyway, suddenly hooked onto this hit by Gita Gutawa feat. Dafi. i think the song is cute. hehe.
and oh yeah, it was for a cornetto sweetheart brownies advert. which makes it cute and sweet(:

Dua Hati Menjadi Satu oleh Gita Gutawa ft. Dafi

Sejak melihatmu
Ku jatuh hati padamu
Saat mengenalmu
Semakin ku ingin kamu
Maukah engkau menemani aku...

[Reff:]
Hariku indah
Dua hati kan bersatu
Hariku indah
Dua langkah menjadi satu
Andai aku dan kamu
Bersama selalu

Saat kau menatapku
Aku jadi salah tingkah
Kau genggam tanganku
Berdebar debar jantungku
Maukah engkau menemani aku...

[Reff]

Dan bila kau tak ada
Mengapaku memikirkanmu
Apakah engkau juga
Memikirkan aku

[Reff]

Andai aku dan kamu
Bersama selalu

Sejak melihatmu
Ku jatuh hati padamu
Saat mengenalmu
Semakin ku ingin kamu
---------------------------------
and since i'm in a good mood, here's the translation:

Two Hearts Become One by Gita Gutawa ft. Dafi

Ever since i saw you
I fell in love with you
When i got to know you
The more that I want you
Would you like to accompany me (in life)...

[Reff]
My day turns out great
cos two hearts are gonna become one
My day turns out great
cos two roads are gonna merge
if only you and i
could be together always

From the moment you looked at me
My steps are in disarray
You held on to my hand
My heart pounded incessantly
Would you like to accompany me (in life)...

[Reff]

And when you're not around
Why do i keep thinking of you
Or perhaps you are
also thinking of me

[Reff]

If only you and I
could be together always

Ever since i saw you
I fell in love with you
When i got to know you
The more that I want you
------------------------------------
thank you for everything(: especially for making me feel this happy since a very long time <3

congratulations (:

2008-07-31T20:44:00.005+08:00

i know this one came quite late, but i only managed to find the pics just now.

so anyway, Congratulations to national defender Baihakki Khaizan and his wife, Suria singer-actress Norfasarie on their wedding! may the love castle in the air that you two so lovingly built will last forever (:

grabbed some pics from various media sources:

trivia about their wedding:
- had 22 sponsors, with major sponsors including Soo Kee Jewellery and Fatimah Mohsin Bridal Gallery
- held over 4 days to accommodate to the large number of guests on both sides of the couple
- a sort of birthday present for the couple's mothers whose birthday were not only 1 day apart, but also 1-2 days before the wedding. sweet right?

once again, congrats bai and norfa! may you two stay happy and loving always!

2008-07-29T23:33:00.002+08:00

i'd like to dedicate this post to my late maternal grandfather (Atuk).

Atuk, it's almost been 6 years since you've been gone. i feel so ashamed now, but i have to admit it, back when you moved on, it didn't seem to affect me too much. but suddenly nowadays, i miss you. everytime the mrt passes by commonwealth, i saw how the route that i used to take to your house has been evolved. how tanglin halt was no longer like how i knew it. suddenly nowadays, i sat down thinking, how are you faring? are you smiling upon us, or are you weeping?

Atuk, i miss you so much. and my biggest regret is not ever telling you how much i love you, because i only realise it now. if only i could turn back time and relive those moments we shared - i'd cherish every single moment. i'd cherish every single smile from you. i would have came over to visit you more often. and i would definitely tell you how much i love you.

Al-Fatihah...

2008-07-29T00:04:00.002+08:00

i've actually been re-hooked on Meg Cabot's The Mediator series all over again. ahem. correction. i've been re-hooked on the cute ghost guy in the book, Hector 'Jesse' de Silva. if you have read the book, you'll understand why. and of course, the fact that people like him only occurs in books. but uhh. falling in love with a ghost, no matter how hot he is, is utterly bizarre.

i wish i have the courage to tell you exactly what i feel. i don't want to make the mistake of not letting you know. but at the same time, i don't know if the biggest mistake is in letting you know.
cause and effect. ironical that SS pops up in my mind now. but the concept itself is closely related to life. cause and effect.
if one day i tell you, how will it affect things between us? how bad will it end up?
but if that day comes, and i don't tell you, can i live after realising what i've let go?

2008-07-27T22:26:00.002+08:00

i can't reiterate this much more: i hate liars. seriously.

anyway, i am sort of fed up with friendster cos it won't make Woodgrove Primary School my featured group. i miss my old primary school building, alright? the new colours are..uhh.. mindblowing to the maximum. so before the pic is changed to the new one, i'd like to admire the old colours for a while longer.

you know, Speech Day ytd reminded a lot of my Primary 6 Speech Day [where i was a lousy emcee]. there's quite a vast difference. of course, primary school tends to be less sophisticated than secondary school, but i think that Speech Day is like the essence day of the school. it should show how the school really is - the environment, the spirit, the atmosphere. but then again, back in P6, we didn't have such a thing like the upcoming Farewell Assembly. so Speech Day WAS Farewell Assembly for us P6-ers back then. and till this day, i still think my proudest moment was announcing and seeing "and now we welcome the graduating batch of 2004 into the hall." i think we all sort of felt honoured at that point cos like, i don't know. it was just something that was evoked in all of us: we were recognised.

and everytime i think about how schools mould us as individuals, i'd like to think of it this way: values of WGPS + Crescent. it's ironic how you will only start appreciating yr school motto only after you left it. back in pri sch, the only reason i liked the school logo (a huge tree) with the motto (Staunch, Stable, Steadfast, Successful) was because the outline looked interesting. now that i think back, i appreciate wgps' values quite a lot. i think the tree logo represented what every wgps-ian should be: no matter what happens, we should always be rooted to our background. the school song. and the 4S (with the last one, i want to make it a reality). maybe all this explains why i still treasure WGPS a lot. i can't believe i'm tearing.
and yupps. so hopefully crescent will spell out the same for me. and the last motto: sincerity has a very close spot to my heart.
but for all the cherished moments, sometimes i can't help wanting to get out of crescent asap.
but when that day comes, i know it'll hurt way too much.
i think i have found a oldfound favourite song: I Want To Spend My Lifetime Loving You, as featured in the previous entry. although it made me feel like watching The Mask of Zorro, i still think it's one of the most beautifully simple yet deeply meaningful song that i've heard in a long time. i like songs - they're a represantative of our emotions, when words can't subtly describe it.
i've been crying but nobody knows or have to know.
i dedicate every word of that song to you.
maybe i'll never have you, but to be given that one chance to love you? i'll never regret.
cos just maybe
"I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that's the only thing i'd ever do"
i miss you terribly. i don't know whether this distance is doing me more harm than good.
because every passing day and every widening distance makes it harder for me to let you go.

save the night, save the day

2008-07-27T02:28:00.002+08:00

i discovered something new and weirdly about myself today: i can do my maths pretty well at home. but i simply cannot do it in school. this is so frustrating.
and i realised something: The Glers are somehow always ending up in the same area. RE: at CWP's Popular bookstore, i ran into umai, who ran into rid, who was studying at the library. i think it's amazingly cool. [oh yes, good luck for your prelims rid! study hard, jgn sibuk nak train bobby masuk sarkis aje. lepas kau nye balak part 1 dah berlalu, kau boleh wish untuk aku pulak. heheh. lepas tu kita bertiga boleh mengharungi The Exams sama2, insya allah.]

but right now, this song is enough to make me smile(:
i think it's very sweet. and makes you want to dance. y'know that feeling?
anw, it's from The Mask of Zorro movie (which was uhh.. aeons ago), but it's sung by Marc Anthony and Tina Arena.
trust me, it's a beautiful song.

I WANT TO SPEND MY LIFETIME LOVING YOU
Music by James Horner, Lyric by Will Jennings
Sung by Marc Anthony and Tina Arena

Moon so bright, night so fine,
Keep your heart here with mine
Life's a dream we are dreaming

Race the moon, catch the wind,
Ride the night to the end,
Seize the day, stand up for the light

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do

Heroes rise, heroes fall,
Rise again, win it all,
In your heart, can't you feel the glory?

Through our joy, through our pain,
We can move worlds again
Take my hand, dance the dance with me

I want to spend my lifetime loving you
If that is all in life I ever do
I will want nothing else to see me through
If I can spend my lifetime loving you

Though we know we will never come again
Where there is love, life begins
Over and over again

Save the night, save the day,
Save the love, come what may,
Love is worth everything we pay

2008-07-25T23:13:00.002+08:00

actually, i'm half-asleep right now. i don't know - it just came all of a sudden.

tiring week generally. but this is the week where i was faced with reality incessantly. the way everything is working out. sighs.
imy alot. i just wish there's some way for me to express it.

2008-07-25T01:11:00.001+08:00

cos everything just seems to get more ambiguous by the day.
i couldn't stop crying the whole day. i just can't shake the feeling off.

2008-07-23T20:35:00.002+08:00

switched the jukebox from Curtain Falls to For The Record, since a lot of people have been telling me they're addicted to the song. it's nice and meaningful right?

i've been getting a bad feeling since ytd, and my eye wouldn't stop itching. and a few significant lines from Bye Bye kept on playing in my mind suddenly.

i'm really hoping everything's alright.

2008-07-23T00:37:00.002+08:00

i'm actually in the midst of forcing myself to be awake. but after reading the human geog TB, it's not helping me in any significant way.

had SPR today. it was the most fruitful session ever - i actually managed to complete my prelim 06 emath paper during that time. i was like, why didn't they just let us take the emath mock in the first place? we'd have gladly done it man.

right now i have no idea what i'm supposed to do by tomorrow. honestly.

but whatever lah. i'm so fricking tired of it all. end with the homework already.

2008-07-21T21:59:00.002+08:00

Happy Racial Harmony Day peeps of Singapore!
we're unique, okay. i think we're the only country so far (that i know of) that actually has such a celebration. so peace to the world, and no to war!

anyway, i finally found another leo ku aka gu ji ji fan in jesslyn cheah. actually, i found two, but the other one's not counted cos we don't exactly know each other. anw,we were talking after school today and we were like discussing about everything under the sun, and that's when i found out that she likes leo ku too. to be honest, 99.99% of the time i have no inkling what he's singing - whether it's in cantonese or mandarin - because i understand neither. but after i heard his voice on his songs and read the translations, i really like them. my fave song from him is Sleeping Beauty. self-explanatory why, i think, cos it's my favourite fairy tale. but i think some of his best works would be his medleys - he's one of those few singers who can sing effortlessly beautiful medleys.

sometimes i just find it weird that most people tend not to share the same music interests as me. so does that make me unique? ooh yeah! but seriously, how many people that i know actually likes songs by singers like brandy, mariah carey and leo ku? everytime i gush about MC, i always get that 'look' as if i'm inspired by MC. actually, i am. but in a more general sense. and those sort of sense like being able to run on heels. anyway, brandy has a super nice voice! i always keep on imagining her dueting with the likes of ashanti. and leo ku? i want all his medleys and nice songs.

and surprisingly, while everyone is all hee and haa about that Umbrella person aka Rihanna, she has never made it to my fave list. honestly. she scores high on the other list, though.

which brings me to another topic. nowadays i can't find people to talk to. i mean, sure, we can talk about things on the surface like music, weather, whether the chimpanzees at Mandai are friendly or cute enough. but someone for me to really sit down and talk to? i might have resort to Spongebob's Bubble Buddy. who isn't capable of going to the loo on it's own. but who cares right? he's Bubble Buddy!

i have come up with a philosophy about people and emotions:
it's like cheap 'luxury' sofa: italian leather on the outside, lousy cotton on the inside.
you spray water from outside, it doesn't seem to get wet.
but do we really know what happens to the cotton inside?
is it soaked, moistened or managed to remain dry?

2008-07-18T20:28:00.004+08:00

it's finally fri to the day. alhamdulillah..

round up for the week, which was kinda havoc. early part of the week was the usual madness with the Court. especially since we created the Queendom of Retardoland. and the list of subjects just got longer, thanks to Ferind and Kalyn including every single jap and korean guys they know. what else? thursday was quite crappy, especially during english (as usual). ferind and jeslyn were playing around with some weird jap rope charm thingy.

mr tan: (went over and picked it up) eh, what is this?
ferind: i don't know, it's some thingy i got from japan.
mr tan: oh. i thought it was something to ward off evil or what.
jeslyn, ferind and me: ya. like you!

hehe. then after that jeslyn just stuck it in the air everytime mr tan came near.
haha. then there was the issue of handwriting.

mr tan: jeslyn lee, can you please write shorter essays next time? 4-5 pages.. *shakes head*
jes lee: but syafiqah also write 4-5 pages what..
mr tan: yes, but her handwriting is pleasant so i don't mind reading. but yours *shakes head again*
jes lee: ehh.. *ready to ward off mr tan with the rope charm thingy*

then he was like talking at the other side of the class and weirdly, he was saying something like: [my] handwriting is artistic.

i almost choked on my mentos, can? and teran laughed at it knowingly. right on, babe. me + pencil + drawing block = no art produced. ever.

then after that ferind was like 'marking' mr tan's handwriting. and hehe.. his 'teenagers' look like 'fungus'.

anw, yayy mr tan for entertaining our crap all the time. you are our fave teacher. really. you will defo be in the extended class vid. wakaka.

anw, stoned together with the Court throughout the whole day. this is what happens when we don't have english lessons. totally flunked my emath test. felt lousy after that so me and ferind went to get ice cream, which we finished up in class. on the way back, we ran into mr tan.

ferind and me: eh. hello mr tan!
mr tan: *saw us eating ice cream* aiyo. ice cream. so fattening.
ferind and me: hehh? where got?!

and sorry lah people if you're jealous of my ice cream :p there was Chem extra lesson afterwards, where Ms Sim told us this hilarious incident involving her, the office lady and her photo. after that bunked to class and spent time with deb and laura. laura was high! and obsessed with deb's phone. dingdong!

so we wasted the time playing Wheel Of Fortune without the Wheel, and it was super fun! deb earned the most (not fair), i got stuck at $100 (cos i only played as contestant once, after that i was question provider + the wheel of fortune woman) and laura was the best: hers was always $0 or $100. wakaka. then para they all joined in for a while and it was rather nuts.

after that, it was henna time! for deb, at least. and the henna artist? yours truly. muahaha.
it was my first time drawing henna okay! but it turned out nice (:

went home, ate donuts (i officially love Donut Master, esp their tiramisu donut) and am now trying to finish up as many hw as possible.
and i really feel like emailing/writing to/talking to you. i have soo much to talk about.

2008-07-17T23:50:00.003+08:00

today was a sleepy day for me. literally. slept on the way to school. slept through CME. slept just before Speech Day Rehearsal which i had no choice but to attend. and of course, slept on the way home. and right now, i'm about to turn in and sleep - again. you'd think sleeping through the day 4 times would be enough.

anw, SPR wasn't as bad as expected. i mean, yeah, it's still boring, but it was still kinda okay, minus the fact that i was sleeping with my eyes open and sleepwalking half the way through the whole rehearsal. but it was kinda obvious, so i managed to escape from being held back to uhh.. practise bowing and handshaking. and oh yeah, there was the SG factor as well. haha. he dresses cool, man. and the way he talks. something to divert attention to uhh.. remain 15% awake?

but nevertheless, some things just can't be changed(:
which is, you(:
oh yay. tomorrow's friday - finally. i can't wait to get out of the school week.

seeing - and being uhh..won over? - seb around just made me cherish how much ily.
and otw home, i just terribly missed you.

2008-07-15T22:10:00.005+08:00

the craziest social thing that happened in class this week was the creation of the Queendom of Retardoland, with Ferind as the Queen (and ultimately the most retarded. zoinks.) and the best part, we might create a not-so-fairy tale out of it. cute right?

next craziest social thing was lunch today with sharah, which evolved into 1 hour worth of playing around in the toy stores at Tanglin Mall. can you blame us? the things were so cute. and there were Gold Label Barbie dolls. we were captivated by a lot of things. now i know where to head to everytime i feel down or pissed or sad. or missing you too much.

third craziest thing was staying up all the way till 2.30am this morning to finish up the farewell vid + curse and swear at the blardy movie maker which hanged for 4-5 times + watching Top Gear to entertain and console myself + wait for it to attach to my email. but i managed to stay awake the whole schoolday, yay(: except of course, the refusal to wake up once i'm asleep in the mrt. i just love sleeping in the mrt. sure, it's unglam. but the mrt is comfy. [okay SMRT and LTA? i'm praising the public transport system here. give me some credits, can?]

fourth craziest thing was..uhh.. doing hw/reading sch stuffs + playing the Cool Wall game + watching Top Gear episodes + blogging almost at the same time. i feel blessed to be a woman: we are so the multi-taskers. and even if we're short or blemished, we always have that dainty pair of killer heels and makeup to fall back on. i think i'm starting to sound feminist. hehh.

talking about Top Gear (which is my favourite car show only because 1. the hosts are really crappy 2. the experiments with the cars including racing in a Nissan GT-R versus bullet train across Japan 3. i like Richard Hammond, cos i think he's kinda cute cos he's short and all. hehe 4. James May's blurness 5. The Stig, the all-covered up guy in the white suit who tests the laptimes for the cars, is weird. much weirder than all the 3 hosts combined 6. i like it. it's pure entertainment)

anyway, that whole show inspired me. Jeremy Clarkson came up with this campaign to ban unnecessary or downright stupid signs like these:

like Clarkson said, if the sign wasn't put up, the car wouldn't have crashed into it.

when i saw this on Top Gear, i was speechless.

yupps. i think it's quite an interesting idea, isn't it? i mean, we always run into stupid signs that say redundant stuffs like "Beware of cars" in the carpark. so why don't we start our own stupid signs watch? that'll be cool. then we can count how many there are in this lil' happy island of Singapore.

another idea that got me riveted was the Cool Wall. in the show, the hosts used it to rank the various cars tested or featured. there's Seriously Uncool, Uncool, Cool and Sub-Zero. i feel like doing my own Cool Wall. but oh, in Seriously Uncool, i'd put a huge pic of Cristiano Ronaldo in a Real shirt. disloyalty doesn't exist in Man Utd. and ohoh, i'd put the Germany's military uniform from the 1940s on the Cool page cos i like it. the uniform only, minus the swastika. and on Sub-Zero, me! wakaka. no lah. i'd put.. uhh.. i have no idea what i'll put.

i really miss everything about you. indirectly For The Record in the vid was for you.

" cos when i'm looking in your eyes, feels like the first time

give me one good reason why, we just can't press rewind "

2008-07-13T00:39:00.002+08:00

special shoutout to Sathiya, Madhumita and Jeslynn Lee. thank you for everything dudettes. and i mean it from the bottom-most bottom of my heart. i owe you guys a lot a lot, i have no idea how to thank you guys. it was hell at first, then it was a smoother sailing. but hey, we pulled it through together, and i can't thank you guys enough for saving the day. haha. who says it's impossible to save the world in 4 minutes? you guys did a great great great job! we'll make it work(:

haha. i'm still really touched by what sath, madhu and jes are doing. and i seriously have no idea how to thank them.

and also not forgetting everyone who has played a part: para, nita, deb, sam and everyone everyone who has contributed. it's a very long list. hehh.

i love you dudettes, really. i really really love you guys(:
see lah... even that isnt enough to express how much i feel.

thank you sooooooooo much dudettes! i owe you all.

and to you, thank you for making me smile truly in a long time.
wish i could just give you a hug. cos isly, no matter how hard i try.

2008-07-09T20:18:00.000+08:00

barely holding on, but then again, it doesn't matter to every single f-ing person in my life.
because at the end of the day, i'm left to fend for myself.

sometimes i just want to step away from it all. i don't know what is it that i want to step away from, but i just want to step away from it. just for once.

people say when you laugh too much, that simply signals you're gonna cry sooner or later.

if only people know what the hell i feel inside.
if only they can hear.

i know better than to turn to you, but all the same, i can't help wishing.

cos i'm living out the script of my life

2008-07-08T23:18:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling rather fcuked up. oh hell. why don't i simply make it totally fucked up?

anw, thanks to babes Para, Madhu and Sankari. your endless craps really cheered me up(:
[and pssst Para. i still owe you a date. starbucks, okay?]

i took a sudden liking to Curtain Falls by Blue. actually, i liked the song once. then it was stashed away on my playlist. but now the whole song makes sense to me all over again. it's kinda inspiring, when you think about it. moody tune, but hey, it can cheer me up.

Curtain Falls by Blue

DUNCAN:
Yeah
We come from humble beginnings and
Who could have guessed it when
You sit and doubt it and
Things aint all that bright
But we made it through the night oohhh
It´s like a game of truth or dare
If you can make it here
You´ll make it anywhere
That´s what we´ve been told
But the story's getting old

LEE:
Together we faced the cold outside
No one can say we didn´t try
And I will never give you up or let you go (no no)
Together we faced our final fears
Remember the moments that we shared
That´s why I'll never give you up or let you go

ALL: (Chorus)
We´ll be ready when the curtain might fall
Feel my heart beating when the crowd calls
I gotta read between the lines
Cuz I'm living out the script of my life
Cuz we all got a part we must play
And I've done it but I've done it my way
I gotta read between the lines
Oohh (oohh)
In the script of my life

SIMON:
We started out many years ago
No one will ever know
How far we´ve really come
Since we walked away
And no more words to say
Heyy

ANTONY:
And we made a lot of sacrifice
Undid a lot of ties
Fought a lot of fights
To get where we are now
Just don´t ask me how (no no)

LEE:
Together we faced the cold outside
No one can say we didn´t try
And I will never give you up or let you go (oh no)
Together we faced our final fears
Remember the moments that we shared
That´s why I'll never give you up or let you go

ALL: (Chorus)

SIMON:
We´ll be ready when the curtain might fall(bounce)
Feel my heart beating when the crowd calls(bounce)
Gotta read between the lines(bounce)
In the script of my life(bounce)
We all got a part to play(bounce)
I've done it but I've done it my way(bounce)
Gotta read between the lines(bounce)
In the script of my life(bounce)
Script of my life

ALL: (Chorus)
Common put your hands up
(Chorus)
My life, my life

2008-07-07T23:18:00.002+08:00

helloooo 500th post!
omg. my blog is 5 centuries old now. congrats! have your uhh.. ultra-golden times 10 anniversary! *lights up fireworks in the background* i love you blog! you've been my 'victim' where i jot down every other single rubbish that exists in my nonsensical life. ILY blog!

anddd i owe rid a quiz! nanti i buat rid, swear!! lepas tu aku cc kat kau, okies? ily bestie!

yesterday, umai and i were randomly discussing about our childhood friends. and she was like, "you know, according to people's belief, those who keep on arguing always end up married." i was like, dots. but isn't it scary? i think it is.

anyway, i have to try to get that vid done by thursday night so i can send it over to him and he can put in his pic there. but whatever lah. as long as he's happy.

guess what my current favourite colour is? it starts with a B and ends with a LUE. join them and you'll get BLUE. remember that british boyband of the milennium? suddenly today i could remember all their songs. and MVs.

"U make me wanna call you in the middle of the night
U make me wanna hold you til the mornin' light
U make me wanna love
U make me wanna fall
U make me wanna surrender my soul
I know this is a feeling that I just can't hide
U're the first and last thing on my mind
U make me wanna love
U make me wanna fall
U make me wanna surrender my soul "

a chupa chup for guessing the title of that ultra-nice song. it is soo obvious.
and cos you make me wanna do all that(:

Setangkai Kembang Melati @ TWSS

2008-07-06T21:22:00.004+08:00

i think i'm semi-antisocial. i mean, i dont really have a whole ship of friends or anything. but maybe not having a whole Superstar Virgo of friends is better. dots.

anyway, friday was outing cum TWSS malay musical drama performance (which was under umai's mum) with my beloved bestie, umai! i swear, we were like dressed up in contrasting colour themes, judging from our photoshots: me in white headscarf, she in black outfit. cool rite? inilah yang dinamakan kuasa besties. hehe.

met up outside BK CWP at around 5, and both of us were practically half-dead. like umai said in the mrt, "i feel like spreading out a mat and sleeping here." tsktsk. dah bagus kitaorg dress glam seglam nye, ada ke patot kitaorg nak tdo kat tikar? ish3.

reached TWSS at around 5.30. and the best thing is, we stood at the foyer for a good 45 min before they opened the doors to the hall. and needless to say, 2 sleepy glamorous besties at a school foyer results in endless crap not only involving us, but our old primary school gang. especially si u-noe-who tu. btol tak umai? kekeke.

the whole drama musical lasted from 6.30 all the way till 9.30. i'd give it 3 out of 5 stars. the whole thing was pretty okay. EXCEPT for mic defects, which almost spoiled the whole thing. but to be fair, the whole drama musical wasn't that bad. maybe the next one can be better? [and pssst. umai and i had plans to be uhh.. non-professional drama critics for the next one.] and oh, there was this pink bunga manggar right in the corner beside us. we were so tempted to steal it away for u-noe-who. nyehehe.

after which, umai and i contemplated where to go: chilling at Starbucks, or have dinner at Sinaran. since we were both starving (tulah.. ada buffet dinner, tknk), we opted for the latter. it was quite funny on our way up the long flight of stairs to get to the Sinaran coffeeshop. one, because we're simply like that. two, because we were dressed for a cafe and resorted to a coffeeshop instead [re: do you know how much i have to lift my skirt just to ensure that i don't step on it and fall in a very un-sleeping beauty-like manner?] reached there, ordered our drinks and food. and heheh. being super exhausted and sleepy people, we were really tempted to sleep on the table. but ehemm. glam mesti maintain beb.

btw, the food was great, but quite pricey for a coffeshop. but who cares? nice food = worth the price.

after that, we mrted home. and as per usual, more craps. especially after we got seats in the train. we were reluctant to leave them cos it was just so shiokk.

so anw, reached home at 11. i think i made a wise choice of not wearing contact lenses, cos it was a very quick process of washing up and off to lala-land.

this was all due thanks to photoscape and picnik.com.
rather small here, but it's meant to be clicked on. hehe.

yayy! i love us lah seyy. next time we drag rid along. then he can carry all our bags. hehee.

2008-07-02T22:06:00.004+08:00

to be honest, i really have nothing to update about. dots. never mind, i'll find something to blog about.

okay, firstly, it just rained super heavily 2 hours ago. i was like whoo.. white night sky. cool or cool?

secondly, my persuasion skills sux. debbie, you go and convince him cos he is super reluctant. and i give up.

thirdly, this is starting to sound like humanities essays. hehehh.

okay okay. i shall cut the crap. and inject more crap: cos WESTLIFE rocks big time! they're the bestest thing that ever happened in the music world, and ultimately my life. why? cos their songs are simply too nice to be true, and every single one of them can sing. and the most important thing is, i like Shane Filan! he has the best voice i have ever heard. no matter how sad the song, hearing Shane sing can make me smile. hehe.

and an understatement: the next time Westlife comes to singapore, i MUST go. i don't care how or when or where. but uhh.. how much, i will care. but that's beside the point. bottomline is, i willl go for their next concert (if ever) in Singapore. how does that sound, Jes Lee and Umai? on??

less than 48 hours more to TWSS 60s-inspired show. and ultimately, starbuck-ing with umai! that's the only thing that can really make me smile this far. yayyy!

so should i wear a skirt with flats, or should i wear jeans with heels? decisions decisions...

for once in a long time, you were really annoying.
but for once in a long time, we were having a decent convo.
but can we not end up getting miffed at each other after every convo?
sometimes i feel like i don't know you anymore. but everytime i'm breaking down, you somehow appeared.
i know it's a difficult thing to be in love. but i never knew it'd be this hard to love you.
maybe that convo would be the only one we'll be having till a very faraway next time.
i'm backing out. i'm edging away.
it doesn't matter whether it hurts me, cos it definitely does.
but we both need to find our own focus.

cos baby baby, i stay in love with you.

2008-06-27T22:39:00.002+08:00

firstly, thank you westlife and lee ryan for being my accompaniment for the past week. do you guys know how much your songs meant to me? when i can relate almost every song to my life, that's why you all mean a lot to me. i'm tempted to list out all those songs. maybe i should, since i need to do something to get my mind off things.

by Westlife:
- If I Let You Go
- Us Against The World
- Maybe Tomorrow
- Have You Ever Been In Love
- The Dance
- Close Your Eyes
- Mandy
- Soledad
- One Last Cry
- Obvious
- When A Woman Loves A Man
- I Did It For You
- My Love
- I Lay My Love On You
- Unbreakable
- Written In The Stars
- Miss You Nights
- Against All Odds
- All Out Of Love
- I Miss You
- Why Do I Love You

by Lee Ryan:
- How Do I
- Guardian Angel
- Reinforce Love
- Don't Leave Me
- Stop The Rain
- La Donna Che Vorrei

but you know, the two songs that really stood out was: If I Let You Go and How Do I.
i might as well combine these two songs to compose the medley of my life.
they'd sound perfect.

cos we will never say bye

2008-06-26T21:45:00.000+08:00

the one thing about farewell is that it triggers off the impending scene of goodbye. would those moments be a 'see you soon/around' , or would the goodbye be forever?

anyway, i came across this song by Lee Ryan (ex-Blue member). it was a song for War Child compilation album which was released in the UK. i think the track complimented Stand Up For People pretty well. besides, Lee is rather on about reducing poverty around the world, especially among children. so his avenue is usually through his songs.

Don't Leave Me by Lee Ryan

Without your smile
Without your touch
I am not used to anyone
Without your voice
To soothe my ear
I am lost
Not know in which way to turn

Always see the beginning
And fear it's the end
As you tell me you love me
I can't comprehend
So...

Don't leave me
Now you're with me
Please say you'll stay always
Don't leave me
Now i'm falling, girl
Cause without your love
I am not used to anyone

Without your hand
Entwined in mine
It's a miracle I still breathe
Come rain or shine
Until all time
I will love you eternally

Always see the beginning
And fear it's the end
And you tell me you love me
I can't comprehend, no
So...

Don't leave me
Now you're with me
Please say you'll stay always
Don't leave me, no
Now you're falling, girl
Cause without your love
I am not used to anyone

Don't leave me
Now you're with me
Please say you'll stay always
Don't leave me
No, I'm falling, girl
Cause without your love
I am not used to anyone
___________________
Don't Want To Let You Down by Lee Ryan

So here we both stand after so long apart
Want to let go, but you're still in my heart
Should I give in to what's on my mind?
Should I just surrender, let fate decide?

Cos I don't wanna let you down
No I don't wanna let you down

Do you still remember, the laughter and tears
Who would have thought, the memories would last all those years
And I never gave in, I believe that somehow (yeah yeah)
That you're the one who really knew me
Do you know me now?

Cos I don't wanna let you down(Don't wanna let you down)
No I don't wanna let you down

Sometimes my mind runs away
And I need your guidance here tonight, oh
Sometimes, help me find the way to love
To finally love again (to finally love again)

Here we are together I'm trembling inside
But do I keep the memories safe in my mind?
There's a chance to stop the sorrow
There's so much to lose
Are you gonna be the one to show me babe...
The road I must choose

Cos I don't wanna let you down
No I don't wanna let you down

Noo... don't wanna let you down

E.L.D.D.S

2008-06-26T20:50:00.000+08:00

LD Farewell Party today! the whole event was really unexpected, how my juniors went to the nitty-gritty to prepare our farewell. i really don't know what to say. although i did not exactly contribute that much to LD, and although i always criticise my CCA, it has always had a place in my heart.

So from the bottom of my heart, i wanna thank my juniors (although they won't be reading this) for everything that they've done: the pizza, satay, games, and of course, the seniors' souvenir, an ultra-cool LD 05-08 digital keychain. i think i speak for all the seniors when i say that it's something that we will really treasure.

Para, Viv and Teran, no matter what we'll still be the highest committee. hehee.

snuffed passion (for food)

2008-06-25T21:50:00.002+08:00

ever since i recovered from my fever + gastric flu a few days back, i can't seem to find my appetite. i mean, i can be very hungry, but when i eat, i feel so full. but a short while after that, i feel slightly hungry again. it's worrying, cos i'm eating so little. i don't know. i just can't seem to find the food around me appetising anymore. seriously. even if you plonk typhoon oreo in front of me, i'd reject it. maybe this is cos my tummy is still in the process of re-adjusting. but it's scary and worrying me.

i usually can't remember what i eat in a day, but today i can perfectly recall what i ate: 1 plate of mee rebus, 1 cup of ice cream, 1 packet of maggi mee, 1 garlic bread and 1/4 of a murtabak. do you know how little that is? usually i can finish at least 3/4 of my murtabak, 1 packet of maggi wasn't ebough and i usually entertained my tummy with cookies and whatnots in between lunch and dinner. last time i can just eat and eat and eat like what. but now, i can't even bring myself to eat. not even a sweet.

sometimes i wonder what exactly caused my abrupt drastic loss in appetite. was it my illness, or was it my emotions and current state of mind. or maybe it was a combination of both.

so yes people, THAT's the secret to weight loss. not that i need it much, anw.

to end off my post by making myself sound philosophical: when you're all alone, that's when all the truth hits you the hardest.

2008-06-24T23:02:00.002+08:00

not since a long time, i just broke down and cried thinking about us today. everything is just getting more ironical. i don't know how else i'm holding on.

ahem..yes, the Agents are back from their mission in the Bahamas and our enemies safely eliminated. but boy, it wasn't pleasant. at all. even now i'm feeling the after-effects.

anyway, i fell in love with... Westlife! yups, again! but it's the old Westlife, with Brian McFadden in it. i was watching a vid of Delta Goodrem and Brian singing Westlife's old hit, Flying Without Wings. watching Brian sing, i just suddenly missed those irish lads. i don't care what people say. I LOVE WESTLIFE! yes, i love them to bits!

why? cos (1) their songs are L-O-V-E. (2) they're the only menband that can really deliver songs that are meaningful, gives you strength, comforts you and makes you cry as well. as far as i'm concerned, only less than 5 other artistes make that list of mine. (3) you never tire of their songs. and when i say never, i really mean NEVER. i can hear their songs on loop and i will still love their songs all the same. (4) they're cute, aren't they? i mean, who cares if they're married/attached? point is, they're easy on the eye. (5) they plain rock. boybands come and go. this uhh..band was a boyband transformed to a menband and ta-da, they still rock! why? cos Shane, Mark, Nicky and Kian (and Brian once upon a time) simply do.

2008-06-20T00:21:00.002+08:00

i woke up crying when you appeared in my dreams. boy imy so. it felt so real.

ahemm. The Glers are currently away on leave due to unforeseeable circumstances (where all the agents are suddenly whisked on a jet to the Bahamas - in their dreams - to carry out their most top secret task of their secret agents' career.)

any queries should be directed at Agent Rid (who is still happily un-Perth-ing away) or to Agent Fika (once she decides to come back for work). Agent Umai is currently out of reach.

thank you for your kind attention.

[i can't make this speech any longer as we fear that our alien enemies might trace us down. however, i will be back to report for duty ASAP]

2008-06-16T20:24:00.002+08:00

i've been trying to complete my homework, but i can't help feeling fcked up. yes, i'm feeling fcked up. oh wait, haven't i been feeling like that since a few days back?

but then again, i feel fucked up. so what? it doesn't matter.

sometimes i wonder, is the search for an escapism a way to cure someone, or a way to slowly kill what's inside someone. or maybe along the way of curing, it kills what's inside. two-pronged tactic.

time and again, i just want to sit down and cry. but it seems like i have forgotten how to. and know what? it's just hurting inside cos there's just no other way out.

people say time heals all wounds. maybe it did. but when wounds heal, they harden. that's how people steel themselves.

maybe it's true. maybe everything just kills off what's inside.

fck it all.

2008-06-14T23:38:00.003+08:00

i'll be honest: i'm in a fcuking bad mood.

if i actually had something to rant, i'd rant. but i just suddenly feel so fcuked up. i don't know whatever it is that's called my life. the only thing i know right now is that i'm listening to wang leehom and not feeling any better. or maybe his songs aren't the best to listen to when you're already feeling down.

and maybe for the first time, i don't even feel like watching Spain play Sweden.
and i don't care if people's gonna read those previously 'missing' parts. you want to read, read lah. there's no point stopping people, anyway.

anw, welcome back rid (:
your sms woke me up this morning just in time for my subuh prayer. thanks rid.

2008-06-12T23:46:00.000+08:00

thanks to umai's recent discoveries (ehemm. i know you know we know what lah kan), our primary school tales were brought up again. how i miss those days. too bad it'll be hard to replay those scenes again.

so the whole night we were just recollecting our pri sch memories. there was A LOT, but i guess i'll just share some that i will forever recall:

- me and andika were forever fighting over a potato dish at Stall No. 9. serious. everytime it's lunch, we'd race down (along with the others) and try to be the first to get the potato dish. cos dika ALWAYS gets all, and i always lose to him. bluekk. but once a while he'd give in. doinks.
- my favourite dish from the makcik at Stall No. 9 is her sambal goreng. but i don't think it's being sold nowadays :/ [pssst. next year cook it for me, ok makcik?]
- Stall no. 9 is our fave stall, really. that's where we all can queue up for food and still play-fight with each other. perfect examples: me and dika over potato, umai and zan stepping on each other's foot. hehe. and oh, one thing i will never forget: syazwan is always looking out for the tempe goreng every single time. plus the makcik always gives discount and free kueh. yayyy.
- the bus-bay is our playground. this is especially so after excursions, or while waiting for our HML class to start in the afternoon. in short, havoc reigned.
- BCG game in the field every recess when the weather is fine. that's where we all get our stamina, really. mindless game of catching in the whole field. 2 classes combined, with the occasional additions of kids from other classes. talk about bonding.
- the one incident in P6 where i was doing maths hw with ash and ziq. it was super funny. i wouldnt mind banging my head again and again to give the idea of how it was. so yes, haziq. you got yourself in my memory books thanks to your singing of Abang Torek and the soapy hair.
- sitting next to andika during malay lessons in P5. please refer to the first example to have an idea how i 'suffered' then. but no matter what, he's my beloved friend of 12 years. hehehh.
- crapping with Syafiq Saad, Zulhakim and Farid during malay lessons in P6. we were sitting together. imagine the scenario.
- music lesson with Ms Jayan! we somehow converted it to a dance lesson. and we were hip-hopping and what not. best music lessons ever!
- my favourite english teacher ever, Ms Hayati! she plain rocks!
- my prefect duties. they were fairly interesting, and slacking. but important though. hehehh.
- my school song and motto. only now do i realise that who i am is cos of my pri sch. so along with this goes my ex-principal, Mrs Tan (although i dont like her at that time at all). she's not bad, after all.
- the school uniform. i swear i like it a lot a lot, even at that time. it's just so cool, i think. white blouse, not-too-dark green skirt and a not-too-dark green prefect tie.

2008-06-11T22:46:00.000+08:00

went for the Panda outing with Viv, Sam and Le Yi (:

for the first time, i was the FIRST to arrive. hahaa. so i waited for the rest outside cineleisure, then off we went to get our tix. and to make a long story short, it was hilarious before we entered the cinema (thanks to vivien), during the movie (must-watch!! i will never see kung fu and praying mantis in the same light ever again) and after the movie (cos the exit hallway was lighted with blue lights, which was sort of weird. hehh)

after that we walked around first, cos viven was full after chomping on the popcorn non-stop throughout the whole movie. then we decided to head to Far East Plaza to eat at Ramen Ten (:

there was a buy-1-spicy-ramen-get-1-free offer there, so me and sam took that deal. she ate the lala ramen, i took the salmon one. then viv ordered the mushroom ramen while leyi ordered the chicken gyoza (which she commented was wrong choice afterwards). and to save budget, we all ordered green tea.

haha. we were rather captivated by the glass. i suggested to sam to sneak them into her bag but she refused :(

anyways, the food was great. and Panda (i.e Sam cos she was wearing black&white) and i were the only ones to finish our ramens. viv and leyi's reaction when they tasted our spicy ramen was rather funny. hehee.

after that, i went to pray so the rest went to Heeren first. there we just walked around (to ease the fullness and to elevate the feeling of sleepiness) and managed to grab some shots. after that, we all mrt-ed home. (and yes, in the mrt, i just slept like a log. oh wells)

(photo-edited this sneaky shot in the ladies)

keep bleeding, i keep bleeding love

2008-06-10T01:21:00.002+08:00

why is the situation between us like this? i'm annoyed at you but i still love you. although like i realise there's no fricking point in me forever waiting and hoping. but why am i still doing it without fail? i told myself i'm not going to bother too much about you. but why can't i stop worrying about you?
half the time when i miss you (like today), it feels wasted (like today). other times i can't help but miss you.
but like what most of my friends say, you don't care. so why should i care about you?
that's the problem. i still care for you, and i still know i'd die if anything happens to you. i can't imagine life without you being some part of it. i don't even know if i can pick myself up afterwards.
i just need people to back me up. to cushion my fall. i'm so tired of facing this alone. till now, i can still hold on to the threads. but what happens when it snaps?

special shout out to:
Umai - HAHA. thank you for making me laugh non-stop for a good 15-20 minutes. late night craps is the best! ILY beb. we are in the same perahu, 'thanks' to manusia2 yg benar-benar 'sensitive'. buhh.

Vivien - hee. i shall be a panda and hook onto you! and even if you run away, i will come look for you. hehe. can't wait for Wed!

and the song that accompanied me through the night:

Bicara Manis Menghiris Kalbu by Siti Nurhaliza

Satu per satu teman
Ada disekeliling mu
Satu per satulah jua
Tinggalkan diri mu
Cumalah aku sahaja
Yang masih lagi bertahan
Memendam rasa

Bulan madu yang indah
Sudah sampai kehujungnya
Engkau pun mula berubah
Dan beralih arah
Kata-kata manis
Tiada lagi ku dengar
Hidup ku pula makin tawar

Tiap bicara manis
Bagaikan selumbar bisa
Kau tanam di jiwa
Tak terlihat oleh pandangan
Mata mu

Tiap bicara manis
Memujuk dan merayu ku
Tak usah berlalu
Dan merajuk bawa hati pilu

Andai sudah tiba masa
Dan tiada jodoh kita
Biar kita berpisah... dari merana

Tiap bicara manis
Bagaikan selumbar bisa
Kau tanam di jiwa
Tak terlihat oleh pandangan
Mata mu

Tiap bicara manis
Memujuk dan merayu ku
Tak usah berlalu
Dan merajuk bawa hati pilu

Keikhlasan hati ku
Bukanlah untuk di balas
Cukuplah sekadar
Jadi kenangan waktu berjauhan

Tiap bicara manis
Bagaikan selumbar bisa
Kau tanam di jiwa
Tak terlihat oleh pandangan mata mu

Andai sudah tiba masa
Dan tiada jodoh kita
Biar kita berpisah...Dari merana

2008-06-06T23:10:00.003+08:00

dreamt of you for three nights straight. and every little thing has started to remind me of you.
i miss you.
but i know there's no point even if you come online, cos it's not like we talk, anyway. it's just the presence of you there.
i miss you.
i have no idea how i'm going to keep on holding to this facade of strength. there's only so much the mind can avoid.
i miss you.
those songs that, for some time are just nice songs to me, have started to sink their meanings in again. iow, they're songs that i usually associate with you once.
i miss you.
i'm almost out of my mind keeping it all inside, trying very hard to accept and push it all aside at the same time.
i miss you.
i can almost remember everything that i know about you. things that i make it a point to remember. things that i suddenly found i can remember although it wasn't imprinted in my mind in the first place.
i miss you.
i wish i can just see you, even for a brief moment. yes you were in my dreams, and i saw you there. but those were just dreams.
cos boy, i miss you badly. i really really do.

but maybe i have to distance myself from you, from all of this.
i thought i was over you. i thought i had loved you less.
how was i to know it's never gone?

Breakdown by Mariah Carey

Krayzie:
Break break down,
Steady breakin me on down, break break down,
Steady breakin me on down,
Break break down, steady breakin me on down,
Break break down, steady breakin me on down.

Mariah:
You called yesterday to basicallly say
That you care for me,
But that you're just not in love
Immediately I pretended
To be feeling similarly
And led you to believe it was o.k
To just walk away from the one thing
That's unyielding and sacred to me

Chorus:
Well I guess I'm trying to be
Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove
I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath a disguise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

Mariah:
So what do you do
When somebody you're so devoted to
Suddenly just stops loving you
And it seems they haven't got a clue
Of the pain that rejection is putting you through
Do you cling to your pride
And sing "I will survive"
Do you lash out and say "How dare you leave this way?"
Do you hold on in vain as they just slip away

Wish:
Yeah, c' mon, yeah, c' mon, c' mon

Well I guess I'm trying to be
Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove
I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the disguise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

Wish:
It'll break you down
Only if you let it
Everyday crazy situations rocking my mind
Tryin' to break me down
But I won't let it
Forget it ( forget it)

Krayzie:
I be feelin' like you bringing me down
Taking me around
Stressin' me out
I think i better go and get out
And let me release some stress ( stress )

Wish:Don't ever wanna feel no pain ( pain )
Hoping for the sun
But it looks like rain ( rain, rain, rain )
Lord, I just wanna maintain

Krayzie:
Yeah, I can feel pressures ya'll
But never the less
Krayzie won't fall
It's over, it's ending here ( here )

Well I guess I'm trying to be
Nonchalant about it
And I'm going to extremes to prove
I'm fine without you
But in reality I'm slowly losing my mind
Underneath the guise of a smile
Gradually I'm dying inside
Friends ask me how I feel
And I lie convincingly
Cause I don't want to reveal
The fact that I'm suffering
So I wear my disguise
Till I go home at night
And turn down all the lights
And then I break down and cry

2008-06-06T00:38:00.002+08:00

If I Say by Ramzi ft. Ash King

I been sitting here so long
Thinkin how this came to be
Don't know if it's right or wrong
Cos you're the closest friend to me
You're the one that I would call
When I needed somebody there
I know it makes no sense
But would you understand

If I say that I love you
If I told you what's the deal
If I say that I love you
Tell me how you feel
If I say that I love you
Would you like at me the same
Cos I don't know wanna throw it all away

If I say that I love you
If I say that I love you
Tell me how you feel
If I say that I love you
Throw it all away

Baby I can't look into your eyes
Cos Im scared that you might see
What I feel inside
What you really mean to me
And baby I can't run away
So I really need to know
Need to know

If I say that I love you
If I say that I love you
Tell me how you feel
If I say that I love you
Throw it all away
_______________________________
I Want You Back by L. Sayer

You know I thought I could live without you
I thought I could get along
But I never realized that I could be so wrong
Was I a fool to leave you
Or was I a fool to let you go?
Doesnt seem to matter much now baby
I should have never let you go

I want you back
I want you back
And I will never stop until I got you back, aah, aah

I wander the road where we used to walk
And lotsof people pass by
They all look like theyre in love
Everybody but me
I see your face in the crowd
I hear your voice everywhere I go
And when I turn around thinking youve come back
Ah, youre never, never, never there

I want you back
I want you back
And Ill keep on searchin until youre really here

I want you back
I want you back
And I will never stop until the love Ive got
Is back in my heart to stay

I want you back
I want you back
And Ill keep on searchin until the love I got
Is back in my arms until I got you back

I want you back
I want you back
And Ill never stop until the love I got
Is back in my arms until I got you back

imy. and isly. but let me keep it all to myself. let me still love you in silence. perhaps it's for the better.
things between us are getting nowhere. as much as i try to let you go and forget you, i can't. isly boy. but it's just something i can't say out.

2008-06-05T00:17:00.002+08:00

Jay Chou-ed and JJ Lin-ed the whole night. it was quite refreshing to be listening to Chinese songs after a long time. although i'm a wang leehom fan, i skipped him. diao. listened to Leo Ku instead, on Youtube. fell in love with his songs, Sleeping Beauty (in mandarin) and Love Too Late (in cantonese). i understand neither, but there's such a thing called translation so i don't really mind.

sighs, i'm feeling rather fcuked up recently. but whatever. life has to move on, doesn't it?

anyway, my stomach is pretty much semi-distended from a whole day of makan-ing. breakfast-ed with Vaish at McDonald's Tanglin Mall. then walked back to school from TM. a very eye-opening 25 minutes. hung around with Mira and Shiau Haln until 1.30, then met up with rayhanah and off we went in search of the Nita, Sharah, Nasuha and Cikgu Rina at Swensen's. malu-ed myself there, then the swensen staff let us switch tables. sorry peeps. ate and shared pastas around. then Cikgu Rina left halfway cos she has an appointment. then we Rinarians happily ordered Earthquake and was captivated by the dry ice for 30 secs before we wolfed down the whole thing. choosing the ice cream flavour was fun and chaotic. it was worse when we were eating the ice-cream themselves. [the Earthquake was the only thing that we paid for. thank you Cikgu! WLY!]

then we went to HMV to reduce the fullness of the Swensen's lunch. spent like 30 minutes there. i saw a lot of oldies CDs that i was tempted to buy. come on.. MoTown, James Brown, Diana Ross, Luther Vandross, The Police, Air Supply, The Remembrandts.. some of the best in the music industry ever.

then mrt-ed home. couldnt really stay awake, so got myself a decent power nap between Yishun and Admiralty. it felt slightly better. reached home at about 5pm, i think.

i'm going back to my ZJL and LJJ. tata!

imyal. suddenly everything i do doesn't make sense.

2008-06-04T00:45:00.002+08:00

i know that i'm probably not the best person for you, but one thing that i'm sure of is how much i love you. the time and distance might have affected things between us, as with all the disagreements. but none of it changes what is deep inside my heart.
i lead my life trying to push you out of it, trying to de-focus you from my thoughts. but it's just thoughts. what's inside the heart is something that can't be changed. call me crazy or weird, but it was the same sincerity, the same sense of security, the same feeling of wanting to smile and cry at the same time.

i was listening to Westlife today, and found this song that i remembered i used to like. it's very sweet and meaningful, isn't it?

When A Woman Loves A Man by Westlife
Album: Turnaround

When the stars are in her eyes
And the sun is in her smile
The only moment in a life
That happens the same time
Is when a woman loves a man

She'll be a mother and a child
Sacrifice her days and nights
And no other will exist
She'll put her life in every kiss
When a woman loves a man

And you'll be amazed at when you're stumbling
She'll fight for you
And won't let you give in
She'll do all that she can
When a woman loves a man

A soothing breeze always blows
Somebody understands another soul
It's like the planets have aligned
Every sentence has a rhyme
When a woman loves a man

Oh, you'll be amazed how when
You're needing it
She'll fight for you
From the begining to the end
And she'll do all that she can
When a woman loves a man

It's the greatest gift of all
Knowing that unconditionally
She'll catch you when you fall
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Oooohh, yeah
When a woman loves a man

When the stars are in her eyes
And the sun is in her smile
She'll be a mother and a child
But all at the same time
When a woman loves a man

She'll be your air,
She'll bring you life
She'll make me sacrifice
When a woman loves a man

2008-06-02T01:44:00.002+08:00

i still love you, and with it, i wish for your safety and happiness.
because if anything happens to you, i won't be able to take it.

" 'cos baby you're all that i want
when i'm lying here in your arms
i'm finding it hard to believe we're in heaven "

2008-06-01T02:35:00.002+08:00

are they just dreams, or are they signs of things to come?
ya Allah.. tidak kira di mana dia berada, tolonglah lindunginya ya Rabb. aku takutkan dia.

finally kickstarting revision during June. whoots. i guess slowly does it. that's when it becomes a bit enjoyable.
Euro 2008 is starting - soon! yayyy. and i'm supporting Spain and Germany.
SG vs Bahrain next monday. all the best Lions! although i won't be at Kallang, i will still support you all. give the game your best shots, and hopefully we can win it. on to WC 2010!

2008-05-31T02:36:00.002+08:00

tribute to my fave manager ever, after Fergie. in all his annoyance-ness: Jose Mourinho (:
[pssst. good-looking right??]

anyway, while 3/4 of the world is waiting for Inter Milan to officially announce that Mr Mourinho here will wear the nerazurri of Inter Milan, here are some quotes by him that are not only memorable, but something for us to consider as well:

“There's a history made up by each of us, that leads us to that final victory. It's that history, in it's entirety, that turns us into champions.”

“To be the ultimate team, you must use your body and your mind. Draw up on the resources of your teammates. Choose your steps wisely and you will win. Remember only teams succeed.” - said on the show Mourinho Ultimate +10

“The moral of the story is not to listen to those who tell you not to play the violin but stick to the tambourine.”

“From here each practice, each game, each minute of your social life must centre on the aim of being champions”

“First-teamer will not be a correct word. I need all of you. You need each other. We are a TEAM.” (in a letter sent to the players)

“For me the most important thing in my life is love. I think you have to be in love with your family, with your job, with the people who work for you. If you are not in love with your wife you have to divorce. If you are not in love with your kids you are not a human being so you have to kill yourself, if you are not in love with your job you must change your job.”

2008-05-28T00:03:00.002+08:00

tonight me and umai have officially lost it: we were dangdut-ing for almost 2 hours! thanks to the videos of our past favourite dangdut singers (esp. Mas Idayu, Iwan and Amelina) on youtube, we were karaoke-ing and dangdut-ing in front of our comps while laughing away! HAHA! and the best part: we couldn't stop! now i know why the makcikS and pakcikS just can't get enough of dangdut, cos it's addictive!

okayy. i am exhausted, thanks to school and dangdut! hehehe.
and also to you - ty for making me laugh(:

i shall get myself bubble tea and pancake tomorrow morning. maybe from there i can work out to losing weight (other than through dangdut, cos seriously, dancing to dangdut is super the tiring)

2008-05-27T01:19:00.002+08:00

things about you just gets weirder by the moment. one second, i know my heart will break if anything happens to you. the next second, i wish i could dedicate the sardonic of songs to you.
i'm trying to detach myself from what i feel, but like what they say, you can't deny what's already true.

the realization of reality has long hit me.
but the realization of my emotions just keeps adding on and strengthening itself each day.

i'd be lying if i say i'm not tired of it. but i'd be lying as well if i say i regret it.

you won't see me cry, i promise

2008-05-26T02:47:00.002+08:00

just let this song say it all:

Cry by Jay Sean
Album: My Own Way (released 2008)

[Verse 1:]
Had me convinced that I just wasn't enuff,
me and you fussing and fighting cussin all of that stuff
now I know, that I might've done you wrong,
didn't know I'd pay so long, till u did the same
I know I'd done u wrong I was making it up to u,
I apologised in a million ways but I thought that was that,
but I guess u got me back, didn't know it'd be like that,
but u did the same

[Bridge:]
Now we're caught in a circle
A constant battle
The day that u hurt me
The clouds cast a shadow on us
And I hope that you're happy we're even now, so cry baby cry

[Chorus:]
Let me see you Cry cry cry
I need to see u cry cry cry
Until your tears run dry dry dry
Like the deserts need the rain
Want ya tears to fall down on me [x2]

Before the love just turns to hate
Before I ask for u to stay
And just before u walk away

[Verse 2:]
What is this, what happens to relationships,
started off so good and ended up so bad
baby I just wanna know,
Tell me do u know, baby
Before we knew it we were at it again, no no no,
somehow I don't think we can ever be friends, wish it wasn't so
Wish it wasn't so, but u did the same...

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

So we go on and on on this merry go round
trying to chase a love that can never be found
time to say goodbye and step off of it now,
It's over (boy) it's over [x2]

[Chorus]

and i wanna say, thank you very much

2008-05-24T23:26:00.001+08:00

to:

UMAI - thanks beb, for making me laugh through the bad mood, for enduring my craps till wee hours, for adding on to my craps, for inspiring me to crap, for understanding me, for agreeing with me that Bayu in Jelita is sweeet, for agreeing with me that afgan's song was sweet (kan kan kan??!), for letting me psycho you into liking the songs i'm hearing, for always being there for me, for being the bestie that i can count on and trust - always (:

RID - thanks beb for accidentally making me laugh with your random sms ("Fiqah! Tgh buat aper tu?") last night and incidentally lifting up my spirits (: you're my bestie that never fails to make me laugh, even through the tears, and inspiring me to crap aimlessly. also for entertaining all my craps, all my complaints, all my disappointments. and also helping to piece the sky back when it shatters. and ohh, also for reading my crap smses even though you were with Mr Headache last night. hehehh.

RAIMI - welcome aboard the Superhero League (: it was nice talking to you, walaupun tak sangat. hehehh. and make sure you take care of my umai okayy.

JELITA - you are perhaps the only drama to make it on my ty-list. thank you for giving me an excuse to cry. and pssstt.. BAYUUU!!! why are you so sweet?? whyyy??

YOU - my heart-felt sardonic thanks. i don't understand anything and everything.

ucapkan matahariku, puisi tentang hidupku

2008-05-24T01:41:00.003+08:00

started watching Jelita on youtube today! i missed the series while it was aired on RCTI cos 1) it was at the 7 o'clock slot and 2) i was busy prepping for MYEs and settling homework. so today, i suddenly felt like watching it. who knows, it might be nice after all. and guess what? after watching the first episode, i'm hooked. and i like Bayu (Dirly Idol)!! in the drama, initially he was a jerk, then he turned out to be a nice guy. and he's so sweet! and as usual, i have to hand it to agnes monica for again, acting really well in this drama. she really brought about the role of Jelita well. great work for the cast!

storyline-wise, it's one of those dramas that can make you laugh and cry at the same time. typical love story background: rich guy falls for poor girl, and the feeling's mutual. but the way the story is developed is nice (: yayyy Jelita!

[pssssttt. umai, apa kata kau try tgk sinetron ni?]

look for the girl with the broken smile

2008-05-20T22:58:00.003+08:00

I Wish You Knew by Mariah Carey

I've got to see you
Wherever you are
And I've got to be there
I'm wishing on stars
I've got to reveal what's inside of my heart
But the words escape me
And I'm paralyzed
So helpless when I
Look into your eyes

[chorus]
And how I wish you only knew
What I feel inside for you
You probably haven't got a clue
But I wish you knew
How I love you baby

Honestly I know it's silly of me
To want you so badly
But keep it concealed
See my inferiority complex kicks in
And the words escape me
And I'm paralyzed
So helpless when I
Look into your eyes

[chorus]
_________________________________

i'm trying to find a thousand different reasons to hate you. but i just can't; because i'll find a thousand different reasons to love you.
today was perhaps the first time when i teared again. pulled down my facade.
how is it that you're my strength but my greatest weakness?
please, don't throw me Glances when you're not gonna do anything. what do you expect me to do? i'm just a girl who's in love with you.

i'm just so tired. i've done all i could. now i just leave it up to you to decide where this will turn out.
ily, but i'm tired. very very tired. why don't you do something?

but no matter what you'll never see me cry

2008-05-18T21:09:00.004+08:00

ytd's tiramisu-making with Umai was super cool!
initially, we thought it would be disaster (cos uhh.. we took 2 hours to make SIX small tiramisus, and i bought whipping cream instead of whipped cream). but guess what? it turned out to be nice! and we've unofficially created our own tiramisu recipe. hehe(:

got back my MYE results a few days back, and conclusion: i cannot do maths. seriously. which is kinda weird because, according to someone, "totally no logic. if you can do science, for sure you can do maths." but heck. i'm weird, anyway.

today i realised something about my likings. these are a few of what i like: butterflies, lavender (the colour and the scent), unicorns, Polly Pocket (the old one where Polly was super small, not the new one), strawberries (not flavour..they always taste so unoriginal), mermaids.
which is slightly contrasting to my character, but hey, deep down, these things are all that i like.

i found this song by Rihanna.
it just raised all the irony of everything that's happening between us.

Cry by Rihanna

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cuz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truely
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

*Pre-chorus:
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

**Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

*Pre-Chorus

**Chorus

How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

**Chorus

**Chorus

All my life..

surprisingly, rihanna's the irony between us. our contrasting preference for her, the song that brought us closer, and now this song that just spells out whatever i'm feeling.
maybe i stopped crying because i stopped hoping too much.
i've done all i can do to patch things up. but i've since left it up to you.
i love you so much. but i just don't know what's happening between us.
did you change? did i? or did we change? i miss you with all my heart, but there's nothing left for me to do.

the earth and sky always meet but never unite

2008-05-15T21:38:00.000+08:00

i was inspired by farid to do this. and also spurred by my emotions. kwang3.

anyway, kids. come closer, sit around. make sure you've grabbed all the necessary munchkins and pillows. you ready? good. now listen here. i have a story to tell. it's called The Sky and The Earth.

once upon a time, there was the Sky. tall, vast, annoying and unpredictable. then there was the Earth. quiet on the surface, but equally unpredictable.

one day, the Earth fell for the Sky. but the Earth felt that it was pretty silly because Earth and Sky - two completely different elements. the Sky is made of all types of gases and the atmosphere. the Earth is made of all types of rocks in layers. but all the same, the Earth fell for the Sky. and like how the Earth always is, it pents up everything inside.

but somewhere along the line, the Sky is stuck to something already: the Clouds. the Clouds are made of almost the same things as the Sky: condensed water vapour. anyway, the Sky and the Clouds seem to be perfect together. they seem to fit the jigsaw puzzle well.

again the Earth just kept it all inside because the Earth kept in mind a few things. the Earth realised something too: whatever the Earth experiences or does don't affect the Sky in any major way. but whatever the Sky experiences or does, the Earth feels it, senses it. was it because the core of the Earth was given up for the Sky? the Earth has no idea.

but the Sky is the sky, and the Earth is the earth. they'll always meet, but never unite.
while the Earth keeps on penting up everything inside.

The end.

so kids, how was the story? was it interesting? even if it's not, just say it is. then i shall give you the whole spoiled chupa chups machine.
now pack up all your munchkins - don't leave any crumbs behind! - and put on your footwear. do you see that big door right there? yupps.. you all can slowly walk there and leave. tata!

when the heart is torn between hurt and longing

2008-05-14T23:30:00.003+08:00

suddenly i'm missing you badly since the morning.
there's so much i want to tell you about.
and everything that i do just reminds me of you. every song that i heard led my heart back to you.
i love you so much. i swear i do.

my god... ilysm.

cos you know you've got the keys to my heart...

2008-05-12T23:44:00.002+08:00

i miss you so much.

for once, i thought it felt as though we're hugging. but who am i kidding? myself?

it felt like you've always been there. it felt like it's never changed.

i try to think of a thousand different reasons to put you out of my life. but i simply can't.

how am i to survive without you in it?

2008-05-10T21:26:00.006+08:00

this is what the Fullerton looks like from the inside. cool eh? went inside for learning journey ytd afternoon.

quick post about CrezAwards last night. it was better this year than last year. great job to the AVA people for the lighting effects + the misty thingey from the aircon + dry ice. it made the $10 seem worth it.

the contestants this year was better than last year's, thankfully. ariel had a reaaallllyyy nice voice! and nazeera just rocks lah, that girl! i salute her for her bravery to just go out there and dance it all out ALONE. and her song choices were great! at some point, i felt like dancing along to the music. hehehe.

left early, at around 9.30pm to head off (supposedly) for dinner at tanglin mall. but it turned into something else which had us (me, ferind, vaish and jing li) LOAO all the way till 11 plus. cos then we realised we're gonna miss the last train if we don't budge from where we are by then. let me fill you in.

we walked out of school (it was dark and lonely although the lights were on). then we got shocked in a good way as to how one of the sec 4 girls that we knew was dressed up in (iow, we almost didn't recognise her). so then we walked down the slope, and then we saw the bus zooming towards the bus stop. ferind was like, should we catch the bus? heck lah! run after the bus! so we did (thankfully i was wearing pumps) and managed to board the bus. there were only a few people on the bus and i think we just polluted the silence with our laughing.

so we got down at the stop near TM. and guess what? there was another bus behind! we were wanting to throw our shoes at the second bus. ran our way to the first bus for nothing. hurrs. so we were trying to decide where to dine at all the way to TM, and the funny thing was, we were like walking to the left and to the right - McDonald's or Starbucks. in the end, we stopped in the middle and asked for someone to decide. me, ferind and vaish were like, anything. jing li pointed to Starbucks. we were like, YAY! finally a word from jing li!

entered starbucks, found a seat at the corner facing the street and went to other our drinks. i had white choc mocha frappe, the rest had choc cream chip frappe. ferind had a huge muffin as well. so we sat there, drank coffee and crapped the hell out there in Starbucks. we were like laughing non-stop as one after another of us shared what's going on in our heads. it ranged fom crezawards, our contemplation of the principal's future speech about the success of crezawards, our weird dreams, and the highlight, ghost stories.

ferind and i were mimicking some contestants, or pretending what we'll be like as the judges. so case in point, they're so lucky they didn't have us as the judges. cos it'll be such a nerve-racking experience. kwang3.

the speech was interesting. hehehe. but too sensitive to be posted so ZZZIIIPP! confidential, sorry.

the ghost stories sharing was funny and scary at the same time. vaish was telling us about her encounter with a black cat with green eyes that keep appearing everywhere. ferind was talking about an out-of-place shadow she saw in her room. jing li was talking about the weird feeling we get when there's something where we are. i was laughing and half-freaked out. the crapping started when we were talking about ghost movies, and that's how sadako and ju-on came out. endless crapping and laughing (Starbucks was like waiting for their last 8 customers - us included - to get the hell outta there) led to vaish earning a new nickname: sadako.

hehehe. after that, she became the butt of our SMS jokes. i can't say how annoyed she is!

oh yes, in the bus, jing li scared a woman who was romanticising with her husband when her bag strap fell on the woman's head. again, we broke the otherwise silence of the bus.

it was a hell lotta fun last night. to put it in our words, next time we'll just sell off our tix to people and chill out at starbucks from 8 to 11 plus. maybe we can even sneak in time to wander at orchard at night. or we can skive town and head to night safari or cineleisure for gaming.

thank you so much to ferind, vaish and jing li who made it a memorable night for me. ILY all!

what i wore last night.

me and ferind at crezawards.

yes, i know we look retarded. but that's the point.

maybe what i prayed for didn't really happen. maybe it partially did.
but nothing will ever change what i'm feeling.

because, from the deepest bottom of my heart, i love you.

2008-05-08T23:10:00.003+08:00

retail therapy didn't work.
i'm so tired. the memories just kept on coming.
and i just have no fricking idea what to do.

" No I can't breathe easy
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for "
~ Breathe Easy by Blue

" menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

banyak kata yang tak mampu ku
ungkapkan kepada dirimu

Chorus:
aku ingin engkau slalu hadir dan temani aku
di setiap langkah yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu sepanjang hidupku "
~ Tercipta Untukku oleh Ungu

There she goes once again
The ghost of our love
Is making me shiver
It's only small drops of pain
But even the rain
Can turn into rivers

Thought I'd be safe
Living behind this wall
But the pressure's too much
And it's starting to fall

**So how do I get over you?
How do I survive?
Living half a life that I knew
Oh how do I get over you?
When you take away everything I held to be true
I wonder if you feel it too
Do you?

Everywhere that I turn
There's something there
Something to remind me
When I sleep it's alone
Still I reach out
As if you're beside me

Try to move on
I try to find something new
But everything that I did
Is something we used to do

**

Seems like every place
Every place that we knew
Every sign, every taste
Reminds me of you
I thought that this would be gone
But it's still so strong
I keep holding on
What else can I do?

**
~ How Do I? by Lee Ryan

2008-05-07T23:21:00.000+08:00

today was the last two papers for MYEs. logically speaking, i should be happy and glad. logically speaking, i should be out and about watching tv shows after tv shows.

but for some reason, i don't feel like it. i don't feel like celebrating. i don't feel like wanting to bother to do anything. deep down, it feels so...cold and empty. did the influx of memories yesterday change me? or maybe all along we've changed.

i don't even know why i'm bothering to try. because everything just ends up the other way round.

i just feel so empty. come to think of it, i have no idea what i'm doing with my life.

i can't. i just can't.

2008-05-06T22:21:00.002+08:00

i keep telling myself i won't bother much about you.
but why are you the first person i want to see in the morning?
i don't think about you, tried to forget you
but why are all the memories coming back?
all the words that i've long forgotten...
i'm living my life as simply as possible, as carefree as possible
but why is it that at some point, i feel sad?
why is it at the end of the day, you're the one i want to turn to?

"you look familiar..."
and why do i feel like i've known you all my life?

it's all coming back to me. every place, every meet, every dream...
every tear, every smile, every hurt, every happiness..

"Jadikanlah aku cintamu bersemi untuk kita
Biar waktu nanti yang bicara ku lugu menanti
Kuterima engkau seperti yang ini apa adanya
Biar hati kita yang bicara ku cinta apa adanya kamu"
- Kucinta Apa Adanya Kamu oleh Chelsea Olivia

how do i stop loving you?

2008-05-05T23:36:00.002+08:00

i don't feel like talking about my life because for now, let's just say i don't even know who my friends are (melainkan sahabat2ku yang sedia maklum mereka lah sahabatku sampai kapan pun) and where i stand. it's such a cool position to be in, isn't it? don't even know who your friends are. LOLS.

i don't know - maybe people have different perceptions about friendship. but for me, being friends basically means you have faith in the friendship. if you can't have faith in it, reflect and stop being such an A.H. honestly, it hurts to hear indirectly from the people themselves that your friendship is like second-grade to them whom you consider relatively-close friends.

on a more lighter note, i came across a blog by an indonesian who called himself Longley Time. somehow it reminded me of another blog, Ayat Cinta, that i came across once but haven't visited for quite some time. cos both are talking about CINTA.

memandangkan i dah malas nak bagitau manusia2 berhati titanium ni semua kejadian dalam hidup i, and yang cuma baca cuma umai dengan rid, might as well tulis dalam bahasa melayu kan? lagi senang hidup i daripada nak buang current try sindir2 manusia2 berkepala batu yang takkan get it.

anyway, ini yang i jumpa kat blog tuu. macam worth a read:

Ketika cinta membutakan mata dan memekakkan telingaku..Aku tak
tahu..
Ketika ku tersadar, ternyata cinta yang buta membuat kita lupa tentang
apa itu hakikat cinta sesungguhnya..
Cinta tak membutakan, cinta tak
memekakkan...
Tapi cinta melembutakan hati yang keras, cinta membelai
perasaan manusia yang selalu diliputi amarah..
Cinta menghangatkanmu dikala
kau kedinginan dan mebuatmu dingin di kala kau kepanasan...
Cinta manusia
adalah berkah
Sehingga begitu halus & indah
Maka janganlah berkata "aku telah mati karna cinta".
(dikutip dari official forum baladewa)

and of course, tak ketinggalan, pepatah2 cinta yang inspirational:

Bercinta memang mudah. Untuk dicintai juga mudah. Tapi untuk dicintai oleh
orang yang kita cintai itulah yang sukar diperoleh.

CINTA sejati adalah saat kau dapat merelakan CINTA itu bahagia, bukan untuk
mendapatkannya.

Kerinduan adalah kekuatan dari cinta. Dimana dengan kerinduan, Terciptalah
ayat-ayat cinta, syair-syair sendu, lagu-lagu nostalgia, lukisan-lukisan indah,
bangunan-bangunan mahal dan kesetiaan cinta.

apapun, strongly recommend the blog. some posts are really touching - i guess that's where we can see kuasa cinta. and the best part about his blog is that, other than the fact that all the entries are sincere, there are also verses from the Quran. i don't know.. reading his blog, it's like we can tell what sort of person he is. i'm impressed, but i guess it would be an exaggeration to say he's like Fahri in Ayat-Ayat Cinta.

and here are a few quotes from the other blog:

Andai kata cinta itu sebuah pengorbanan, mengapa pengorbanan itu bukan
nokhtah sebuah cinta? Andai kata derita itu harga sebuah cinta, mengapa cinta
itu semakin sukar dimiliki? Cinta seumpama kota kristal indah di penglihatan
derita di perasaan.

Kadangkala kita menyedari betapa dalamnya kita menyintai seseorang, disaat kita
sedang kehilangannya. Dan kadangkala kita juga menyedari betapa perlunya cinta
seseorg terhadap kita, disaat kita amat memerlukannya

Cinta yang lahir dari pandang pertama adalah cinta suci, manakala perasaan
cinta yang lahir dr kemesraan persahabatan adalah cinta sejati. Namun sukar
untuk membezakan yg mana lebih abadi, cinta suci atau cinta sejati.

Cinta adalah cinta. cinta tak dapat ku lihat, tak dapat ku sentuh, tapi cinta
hanya bisa ku rasakan dalam hati.

cinta yg sederhana adalah sebuah kejujuran dan kepercayaan. jgn sampai cinta itu
hilang hanya karena ketidakpercayaan.
jagalah cinta karena cinta datang dari
Tuhan.
percayalah,cinta itu indah jika kita menghargainya dgn ketulusan hati
dan beningnya jiwa.

just some more from anakmelayu.com :

I have found out the paradox that if i love until it hurts,then there is no more
hurt, but only more love ~ Mother Teresa

Cinta bukan mengajar kita lemah, tetapi membangkitkan kekuatan. Cinta bukan
mengajar kita menghina diri tetapi menghembuskan kegagahan. Cinta bukan
melemahkan semangat tetapi membangkitkan semangat.

why all the phrases about love spilling out on my blog? cos they're interesting and really nicely phrased. sometimes phrases, no matter how simple, just sound beautiful because of word play.

jauh di lubuk hatiku
masih terukir namamu
jauh di dasar jiwaku
kau masih kekasihku...
(Kau Masih Kekasihku
oleh Naff)

2008-05-03T23:00:00.003+08:00

An ULTRA-SPECIAL dedication going out to my sahabatS TERSAYANG,

Siti Humaira Bte Sumri and Mohd Farid Bin Mokhtar :

thank you for everything(:

all the craziness, night gamings, crappy SMSes and MSN convos especially, the perasan-ing, the moments where we can be ourselves with each other, the support, the advices, everything that makes me feel (ahem..) loved and that i matter (kwang3), the merepek-ness, the songs, the funny stories, for making me have some of the craziest dreams (hehe.. bab ni rid, aku rasa kau kena tanya aku sebab umai dah tahu. kwang3. it involves the three of us, a big tree, bbq and hawaii), for always making me laugh (especially sorang2 depan comp. kita bertiga paling terror dalam bab ni, kan kan kan?)

hehe. aku rasa list takkan habis.

but case in point is, ILY TWO MANY MANY MANY MANY SERIBU SATU MALAM(:

pssssssssstt. yuk kitaorg adakan post-MYE outing.
(super psssstt to umai: and tiramisu kita!)

dan motto terbaru aku: hidup mesti maju!

2008-04-30T23:56:00.000+08:00

i'm resigned to everything.
____________________________________________________
Agnes Monica - Matahariku

Tertutup sudah pintu, pintu hatiku
Yang pernah dibuka waktu hanya untukmu
Kini kau pergi dari hidupku
Ku harus relakanmu walau aku tak mau

(Korus 1)
Berjuta warna pelangi di dalam hati
Sejenak luluh bergeming menjauh pergi
Tak ada lagi cahaya suci
Semua nada beranjak aku terdiam sepi

(Korus 2)
Dengarlah matahariku, suara tangisanku
Ku bersedih karna panah cinta menusuk jantungku
Ucapkan matahariku puisi tentang hidupku
Tentangku yang tak mampu menaklukkan waktu
_______________________________________
Agnes Monica - My Sun

The doors to my heart are now closed
Once opened just for you
Now you've gone from my life
I have to let you go although i don't want to

(chorus 1)
The colours of the rainbow in my heart
For a while they're shattered, unmoving, then they moved away
No longer emanating the pure soft light
All the sounds ebbed away and i'm left alone in silence

(chorus 2)
Hear me, my sun, the sound of my tears
I'm sad because the arrow of love pierced my heart
Say it out, my sun, the poem about my life
About me who's incapable of conquering the passing time

in touch with reality

2008-04-29T23:28:00.001+08:00

next time a part of my life is fucked up, can i please not be the last person to know about it?

woke up with a killer headache this morning. i thought i wouldn't be able to think straight for my papers today, but like the panadol extra advert goes, "there's no time even for a serious headache."

luckily SS was a semi-breeze and Bio was a paper that i could crap my answers in as long as they make sense. and have i mentioned how boring doing Bio papers is? i don't know how many times i felt like sleeping in the coldness of the hall.

[pssst. i'd like to contest the statement that 19 degrees C is the optimum temperature for the brain to work, cos it just makes me sleepier than usual.]

my mum bought for me the Ayat-Ayat Cinta novel! i saw the cover and i liked it. i read the first chapter and i fell in love with it. Habiburrahman El-Shirazy has such a way with words that just amazes me. simple, casual yet effective. i can't wait for the movie to be out!

there's a lot of cool malay movies coming out soon. english ones are a bit bluekk nowadays.
i wanna watch AAC, Congkak and Hantu Ambulance! (although the third one is really scary, but heck.)

but for now, it's the Man Utd-Barca match later at 2.30am!
come on lads! we can make it happen! we can squish barca and bundle them out.

i wanna eat ice kachang and chendol and bubur cha cha and red ruby. i'm really really dying for them. oh, and i want to eat indian rojak and grilled stingray and al-amin woodgrove's mee soto!
i wanna go to that italian place at bedok corner and try the ravioli. and haig road's kebab! and the claypot fried rice at TKC. and a really nice cup of teh tarik!!

makan-hunting at geylang + bedok after myes, anyone?
i'm so deprived of coffeeshops near my school :(

(8 balakS down, selori kayu balak more to go.
hidup mesti maju! hehe.)

oh hey, i come in to school at 2pm tomorrow. whoo! sleeping in(:
from emperor's new school at 6pm on kidscentral: "K-U-Z-C-O. Kuzco Kuzco, go go!"

2008-04-28T23:35:00.002+08:00

had my emath P2 and pure geog P1 today. both papers were relatively okay. geog was such a happy paper. i was like "yay!" when i saw the questions, and after the paper.

then after i step out of the auditorium and walked out of school... i don't know. i just felt like crying. i just felt... very down. and the best part, i have no idea why.

in the afternoon, i suddenly got the weird clammy feeling again. i hadn't had the feeling for quite some time. i was scared - really scared - for someone. again, i have absolutely no idea why.

i had a strong feeling to rush up to you, hold you tight, comfort you and cry in your place. from what or why, i don't know. but that's the persistent feeling the whole time.

i'm trying all my best to make sense of everything - what happened, what didn't happen, our fight, our situation etc.
but i don't know if i'm capable to take on all of this on my own.

but then, i have to. every other person just tells me not to think about it, shelve the whole issue. easy for them to say, because 1) they're not me and 2) i bet they're sick of it.

people have others to help them guide their way along when they're lost.
i guide others, no problem. but in this sort of thing, i'm somehow left on my own.

i don't know. i'm so tired.

i think i've lost it.

when even the butterfly lost its splendour to me

2008-04-27T01:26:00.006+08:00

Om Shanti Om rocks!

ahemm.. i now officially re-instate myself as a Shah Rukh Khan fan(:

whoo! even though he's older than my parents at 40-odd years old, he is still hot maha hot!

anyway, 2 things dampened my high-ness from the afternoon (which was spent tutoring my cousins before eating while watching om shanti om). man utd lost to chelsea, so that explains part of it. the other one..well..if i can lift from Jay Chou's song, bu neng shuo de mi mi.

i know a lot of things happened. i was really mad at you yesterday, but then as usual you did something to make me un-mad at you.

but today, whatever happened - or didn't happen - ... i'm sorry.

i don't want things between us to go down the wire.

if we're both sulking, who's there left to cajole us?

as much as i want to approach you, i no longer know how to...

half of the time, i don't even understand the things between us. or where i am in this matter. i simply don't know what else to do.

maybe fate let us meet to separate us. but maybe not.

are we different people now? i know you, but sometimes i can't help feeling i no longer knew you. sometimes i feel like i'm dealing with a complete stranger, not you - i don't know where you went.

i know people think i overreact to things in a way that is not rightfully mine - but when my heart is yours, how do i not? how do i explain all the signs that i get if something happened or is going to happen to you? those instances when i felt what you were feeling?

i'm so tired of everything. i just want to sit down and cry.

but that'll be worse; everytime it happens, i wished you were there - although the reason for the tears might be because i'm mad at you.

i just feel so lost. confused. empty.

i don't know who to turn to, who to talk to. i don't know who'd understand.

i miss you. terribly.

but when fate denied us again, again and again... i'm just lost.

how do i go from here?

i'm lost. i just feel so lost. i don't know where we are, how we are, what to do. i don't know how to carry on.

things between us are just getting worse each day. and in spite of all these, i don't want to lose you.

i don't know what i'll be, what i'll do if you leave my life.

2008-04-25T21:05:00.000+08:00

i'm hurt, pissed, sad, worried, scared... everything all at the same time. for a while i couldn't understand why i felt more hurt than pissed. i just felt so... emotionally-drained.

but when i became worried for you, ended up scared for you that i completely forgot my hurt.. that's when i realize that some things will never change.

that's when i realize i love you.

Separuh Hidupku oleh Titi DJ

Pernahkah selama ini
Ku berhenti mencintaimu
Pernahkah kau mendengar
Ku tak ucap sayang padamu
Di setiap detak jantung
Ku selalu sebutkan namamu
Cintamu telah membuat
Hatiku terukir jelas dirimu

Reff:
Engkaulah jiwaku
Engkaulah mimpiku
Engkaulah separuh dari hidupku
Hanyalah dirimu
Yang membuat segalanya indah

Biarlah yang ku rasa
Semua itu akan abadi
Kan kulakukan segalanya
Agar ku dapat cintamu

Back to : Reff

(I)
Ku sayang dirimu, ku jaga hatimu
Di sini tempatmu di sisiku
Tetap ku terjaga dalam tidurku
Memikirkanmu dirimu

Usahlah yang kau rasa
Semua kan abadi
Separuh hidupku
Lupakan segalanya
Agar ku dapat cintamu

Back to : Reff, (I)

and even the rain can turn into rivers

2008-04-24T20:05:00.000+08:00

i was right - it was screwed.

just because i didn't tell you straight, doesn't mean i don't feel hurt or pissed.
just because i'm always accepting of things, doesn't mean it was okay.

the very least you could do was to tell me beforehand.

as much as i'm hoping for an apology from you, let's face the facts - it'll never happen.

thank you so much for everything that you didn't do. you're welcome to do it again next time.

2008-04-22T23:05:00.000+08:00

the only thing that's keeping me going is the meet :)
which i hope will materialise and no weird thing will cause it to get cancelled again :\

2 people pissed the whole school off this morning, and then someone else pissed The Back Five. so basically, everyone was like, what the hell is their problem?? and obviously, the whole sea of curses and swearings took place afterwards. it was pretty entertaining, to be honest. like what i told ferind and vaish, i felt like lining the 3 of them up and shoot them ala the mafia execution style. that'll be soo cool.

sometimes i don't even feel like coming to school, thanks to the lessons that i have. who am i kidding? of course i don't feel like coming to school. out of all the lessons, the only lesson that i even bother to look forward to is english, because that's when The Back Five get the chance to crap with a teacher. (see the power of words now?) and also because of The Back Five and my friends. i owe them a lot, especially The Back Five because of their nonsensical rubbish that can not only make me smile, but laugh a hell lot. i love you guys! and and and, let's make that zoo-cum-karaoke-cum-bowling-cum-night safari trip a reality, alright?

sometimes i wanna tell the whole world what i'm feeling inside. but that's gonna be the most stupidest thing for me to do cos it's risking everything. so more often than not i'll just keep it to myself.

gotta really start studying for mid-years. i am too relaxed :/

deja-vu, one year on

2008-04-21T23:05:00.005+08:00

maybe according to people, my day today is relatively slack:
crapped in school with The Back Five as usual (things got a bit funny in that sense after the bio test paper and the question about 3 similar roosters who had either all their parts intact or some parts removed). then hung around after school to have a quick eating fix with vivien, samantha, shijia and yuki. they're so funny! i miss them a lot. then went home, watched White Lady (this philippine horror show) and it was only after dinner at around 9pm did i start on my work. and truth be told, i've never done so much science in 2 hours plus. but somehow i feel too guai for my own comfort. kwang3.

anyway, i agreed to reschedule tomorrow's meeting to thursday. i was pretty worked up about it when i first discovered that i have to cancel it. but then got a grip on myself and asked this morning, so it got rescheduled to thursday, although that means i have to waste a couple of hours before the meeting. but i don't really mind.

y'know, suddenly the date and time of the meeting feels so deja vu.

maybe fate wasn't stopping us after all - maybe fate decided on this exact one-year meet between you and me.

coincidences

2008-04-21T00:40:00.002+08:00

i finally knew the song title (artiste i'm not too sure), after hearing it countlessly and liking it everytime i hear it being played. it's a pretty old song, actually. something out of the 70s, if i remember correctly.

When I Need You

When I need you
I just close my eyes and Im with you
And all that I so want to give you
Its only a heartbeat away

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

Miles and miles of empty space in between us
The telephone cant take the place of your smile
But you know I wont be travelin forever
Its cold out, but hold out, and do I like I do
When I need you
I just close my eyes and Im with you
And all that I so wanna give you babe
Its only a heartbeat away

Its not easy when the road is your driver
Honey thats a heavy load that we bear
But you know I wont be traveling a lifetime
Its cold out but hold out and do like I do
Oh, I need you

When I need love
I hold out my hands and I touch love
I never knew there was so much love
Keeping me warm night and day

When I need you
I just close my eyes
And youre right here by my side
Keeping me warm night and day

I just hold out my hands
I just hold out my hand
And Im with you darlin
Yes, Im with you darlin
All I wanna give you
Its only a heartbeat away
Oh I need you darling

and when i'm in love with you, how?

2008-04-20T02:05:00.000+08:00

Butterfly by Mariah Carey

When you love someone so deeply

They become your life

It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside

Blindly I imagined I could

Keep you under glass

Now I understand to hold you

I must open my hands

And watch you rise

** Spread your wings and prepare to fly

For you have become a butterfly

Fly abandonedly into the sun

If you should return to me

We truly were meant to be

So spread your wings and fly

Butterfly

I have learned that beauty

Has to flourish in the light

Wild horses run unbridled

Or their spirit dies

You have given me the courage

To be all that I can

And I truly feel your heart will

Lead you back to me when you're

Ready to land

I can't pretend these tears

Aren't over flowing steadily

I can't prevent this hurt from

Almost overtaking me

But will stand and say goodbye

For you'll never be mine

Until you know the way

It feels to fly

**
**

So flutter through the sky

Butterfly

Fly

Spread your wings and fly

Butterfly

maybe we just weren't fated to meet up, even for a while.

"Love is not a decision we make, it's just something that happens."

"Love is like an eternal flame; once it is lit, it will continue to burn for all time."

2008-04-18T23:03:00.002+08:00

woke up this morning loving you more than yesterday.
and ending off the day loving you more than in the morning.

Terlalu Cinta oleh Rossa:

Jangan dekat atau jangan datang kepada ku lagi,
aku semakin tersiksa karena tak memiliki mu
Ku coba jalani hari dengan pengganti diri mu,
tapi hati ku selalu berpihak lagi pada mu

[#:]
Mengapa semua ini, terjadi, kepada ku

[Reff:]
Tuhan, maafkan diri ini,
yang tak pernah bisa, menjauh,
dari angan tentangnya

Namun, apalah daya ini,
bila ternyata, sesungguhnya,
aku terlalu cinta, dia
Tapi hati ku selalu berpihak lagi pada
mu

[#] ~~ [Reff]

[#] ~~ [Reff]~
Aku terlalu cinta, dia

loving you with all my heart and sould.
you're my everything.

2008-04-17T23:36:00.002+08:00

i admit: i was pissed in the morning. then,

" But I hate it...
You know exactly what to do
So that I can't stay mad at you
For too long that's wrong "
- Hate That I Love You by Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo

sometimes i just hate you for it.

2008-04-16T21:46:00.002+08:00

this is random but important: UMAI! ILY beb! hehe.

as usual, morning crap with umai via sms. hehe. sampai berpantun dibuatnya kita, padahal nak lempar the bedebahS ke dalam tank piranha. haha. okay, actually it was from yesterday that we were throwing 2-liner rhymes (aka pantun in malay) for everything we said. yesterday's MSN convo was pretty evident of that.

and guess what i realised? when i'm sad/cried, two things will happen to me. and one of them is getting a slight fever. which is what i'm getting now. kwang3.

the other one.. shhh.. it's too embarrassingly weird to tell the world.

ANW, umai and i have a post-MYEs plan outlined: we're gonna make tiramisu together-gether! our target ingredients: lady's finger biscuits, cream cheese, whipped cream, canned fruits

and oh, i STILL want to go for P. Ramlee the Musical. i wanna go as my post-MYEs treat, and also because i want to. i think that's one of the things that comfort me now. kwang3. especially since i wanna go with the Glers. it can be like our mid-year outing. i miss going out with them - like, properly going out. not just sneak time after group study. hehehe.

me /// you
which one of us is creating the wall, and who keeps on trying to break it?
i don't know what's going on between us.

i near gave up.