Friday, October 17, 2008
i'm considering whether to move this blog to somewhere else.
perhaps i should.
new beginnings call for a new slate.anyway, managed to sneak in about 1-2 hours of crapping with bestie, umai(:
and as usual, our target was.. ahem. u noe i noe we noe who lah kan, umai? hehe.
seriously. it was rubbish, but that's precisely why i love these sessions. we have wild imaginations. no wonder we won the oscars and grammys like nothing. it's a huge relief to be able to sit down and crap in the midst of all these exam preps. i need balance in my life, seriously.
tapi oscar moscar tu semua tak penting kan umai? sebab aku dapat seto aku dan kau dapat joe kau. hehe. moki pun happy dgn kitty. dia tu...uhh, nak aku campak dalam store lagi?
ever since school ended for me about a few weeks back [okay, it felt like i was away from school for 2 months. main thing is, i like being able to wake up at 10+ every single day of my break. hehe], i've been able to find back myself. it took a while. guess that's what happens when you lose yourself for too long.
anyway, i rediscovered what i like, how i like things to be, how i handle things and my view of life just got clearer. i wish i haven't lost myself for too long. okay, now i'm starting to sound like Meriam from the movie Pontianak Harum Sundal Malam 2 - "aku lupa kepada siapa diriku yang sebenar." or like Misha Omar in the theme song of that movie, "diri begini kerna selalu/ditinggalkan marah sengsara/hingga hilang terlupa/siapa aku sebenarnya"
right now i'm trying not to laugh at my nickname back in pri sch. maybe those guys foresaw the connection between that nickname of mine and the movie+song. oh wells.
i finally learnt what was meant as the heart of the cards. it's not just about treating those cards with respect - it's about having faith, trusting and believing in them. these cards are just representative, or more precisely, a reflection of who we are. do we trust and believe in the cards enough to get far, or are we merely dealing these cards for blind ambition? all the same, do we have enough faith in ourselves, or are we merely shaping ourselves in accordance to others?
and no umai, i am not going to buy Ben 10 cards until i know how to play them. apa kata kau belajar daripada sepupu kau main card2 tu, lepas tu kau ajar aku? kalau aku suka, aku beli, aku kasi kau boring main Ben 10. hehe!
Yu-Gi-Oh! Card of the Day: Spell Card: Monster Reborn- return 1 monster from the Graveyard to the hand. Can be Special Summoned to the Field.
* monster reborn(: one of the most useful cards around, and my personal favourite. on a personal level, it's a symbol of revitalisation and revival of what i've lost.
12:56 am
Monday, October 06, 2008
i won't be remembered or missed, so there's not much for me to miss or remember.
due to some binding agreeements made, i'm bounded to some censorship rules. even till next year, i think i'll still be bound to it. i don' t find the idea of a legal suit amusing.
whatever. let me see, what did i plan to blog about today?
out of the four years, i had two forgettable years. by the end of that two years, i already told myself that i only came there to study. and a lot of people tell me those two years are the best two years of their lives. fine. then the next two years came along, and recently finished. it was better and more memorable than the first two years. but still, i didn't come out of it all without a price.
let's face it, in everything that i do, i have to depend on myself alone. it has always been that way. maybe it had to do with me being the eldest. or maybe it simply had to do with what i've went through. i started to realize that i had to grow up in primary four after a certain event. that was when i realized i had to mature if i want to see myself actually move on and become a stronger person.
then i came in to an alien environment. i thought it would rock, or at the very least be interesting. it didn't take me that long to realise that the culture doesn't fit me. to put it harshly, i didn't fit in at all. now you see why there are two forgettable years of my life? got promoted to the senior level. things became better and i really liked things the way they are. then i got myself into some issue that i probably should have forced myself to back out of, but guess i was too gullible to snap out of it. until now, that is.
but like the saying goes, life isn't a fairytale. in fact, fairytale is a whole load of bull by itself because it doesn't make sense at all. things happened, people changed, promises broken. at the end of it all, i find it hard to trust anyone else in my life except for a few that i can count on one hand. i was sick of the lies, the empty promises, the empty support and the betrayals. anyone can come up with an impressive arrangement of words. but the sincerity in the words are shown in the things that are done or not done.
i know nobody's gonna read this, much more care. but if one fine day they're trawling through the web and come across this cos they have nothing better to read, fine. to all those who are trying to fish around for rumours about me or to simply infer from them, i am so sorry to disappoint you; i've cut short your supply. the only recent interesting thing you can talk about is the person i am now.
i've changed. i've had enough of giving in and lowering my pride for the better good of the general public at the expense of myself, letting people take me for granted and chuck me when there's no need for me. to all these people who have played a huge role in turning me into who i am today, thank you. if it wasn't for you people, i wouldn't have come to realize once again that i am left on my own to deal with my own destiny. thank you for making me realise that it's time to stop giving and start taking, and time to make anyone who dare to make use of me pay. thank you for making me realise as well that in this world full of backstabbers, liars, betrayers and traitors, there's no place for the weak.
7:32 pm
