Saturday, May 31, 2008

tribute to my fave manager ever, after Fergie. in all his annoyance-ness: Jose Mourinho (:

[pssst. good-looking right??]

anyway, while 3/4 of the world is waiting for Inter Milan to officially announce that Mr Mourinho here will wear the nerazurri of Inter Milan, here are some quotes by him that are not only memorable, but something for us to consider as well:

“There's a history made up by each of us, that leads us to that final victory. It's that history, in it's entirety, that turns us into champions.”

“To be the ultimate team, you must use your body and your mind. Draw up on the resources of your teammates. Choose your steps wisely and you will win. Remember only teams succeed.” - said on the show Mourinho Ultimate +10

“The moral of the story is not to listen to those who tell you not to play the violin but stick to the tambourine.”

“From here each practice, each game, each minute of your social life must centre on the aim of being champions”

“First-teamer will not be a correct word. I need all of you. You need each other. We are a TEAM.” (in a letter sent to the players)

“For me the most important thing in my life is love. I think you have to be in love with your family, with your job, with the people who work for you. If you are not in love with your wife you have to divorce. If you are not in love with your kids you are not a human being so you have to kill yourself, if you are not in love with your job you must change your job.”

2:36 am

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

tonight me and umai have officially lost it: we were dangdut-ing for almost 2 hours! thanks to the videos of our past favourite dangdut singers (esp. Mas Idayu, Iwan and Amelina) on youtube, we were karaoke-ing and dangdut-ing in front of our comps while laughing away! HAHA! and the best part: we couldn't stop! now i know why the makcikS and pakcikS just can't get enough of dangdut, cos it's addictive!

okayy. i am exhausted, thanks to school and dangdut! hehehe.
and also to you - ty for making me laugh(:

i shall get myself bubble tea and pancake tomorrow morning. maybe from there i can work out to losing weight (other than through dangdut, cos seriously, dancing to dangdut is super the tiring)

12:03 am

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

things about you just gets weirder by the moment. one second, i know my heart will break if anything happens to you. the next second, i wish i could dedicate the sardonic of songs to you.
i'm trying to detach myself from what i feel, but like what they say, you can't deny what's already true.

the realization of reality has long hit me.
but the realization of my emotions just keeps adding on and strengthening itself each day.

i'd be lying if i say i'm not tired of it. but i'd be lying as well if i say i regret it.

1:19 am

Monday, May 26, 2008

just let this song say it all:

Cry by Jay Sean
Album: My Own Way (released 2008)

[Verse 1:]
Had me convinced that I just wasn't enuff,
me and you fussing and fighting cussin all of that stuff
now I know, that I might've done you wrong,
didn't know I'd pay so long, till u did the same
I know I'd done u wrong I was making it up to u,
I apologised in a million ways but I thought that was that,
but I guess u got me back, didn't know it'd be like that,
but u did the same

[Bridge:]
Now we're caught in a circle
A constant battle
The day that u hurt me
The clouds cast a shadow on us
And I hope that you're happy we're even now, so cry baby cry

[Chorus:]
Let me see you Cry cry cry
I need to see u cry cry cry
Until your tears run dry dry dry
Like the deserts need the rain
Want ya tears to fall down on me [x2]

Before the love just turns to hate
Before I ask for u to stay
And just before u walk away

[Verse 2:]
What is this, what happens to relationships,
started off so good and ended up so bad
baby I just wanna know,
Tell me do u know, baby
Before we knew it we were at it again, no no no,
somehow I don't think we can ever be friends, wish it wasn't so
Wish it wasn't so, but u did the same...

[Bridge]

[Chorus]

So we go on and on on this merry go round
trying to chase a love that can never be found
time to say goodbye and step off of it now,
It's over (boy) it's over [x2]

[Chorus]

2:47 am

Saturday, May 24, 2008

to:

UMAI - thanks beb, for making me laugh through the bad mood, for enduring my craps till wee hours, for adding on to my craps, for inspiring me to crap, for understanding me, for agreeing with me that Bayu in Jelita is sweeet, for agreeing with me that afgan's song was sweet (kan kan kan??!), for letting me psycho you into liking the songs i'm hearing, for always being there for me, for being the bestie that i can count on and trust - always (:

RID - thanks beb for accidentally making me laugh with your random sms ("Fiqah! Tgh buat aper tu?") last night and incidentally lifting up my spirits (: you're my bestie that never fails to make me laugh, even through the tears, and inspiring me to crap aimlessly. also for entertaining all my craps, all my complaints, all my disappointments. and also helping to piece the sky back when it shatters. and ohh, also for reading my crap smses even though you were with Mr Headache last night. hehehh.

RAIMI - welcome aboard the Superhero League (: it was nice talking to you, walaupun tak sangat. hehehh. and make sure you take care of my umai okayy.

JELITA - you are perhaps the only drama to make it on my ty-list. thank you for giving me an excuse to cry. and pssstt.. BAYUUU!!! why are you so sweet?? whyyy??

YOU - my heart-felt sardonic thanks. i don't understand anything and everything.

11:26 pm

started watching Jelita on youtube today! i missed the series while it was aired on RCTI cos 1) it was at the 7 o'clock slot and 2) i was busy prepping for MYEs and settling homework. so today, i suddenly felt like watching it. who knows, it might be nice after all. and guess what? after watching the first episode, i'm hooked. and i like Bayu (Dirly Idol)!! in the drama, initially he was a jerk, then he turned out to be a nice guy. and he's so sweet! and as usual, i have to hand it to agnes monica for again, acting really well in this drama. she really brought about the role of Jelita well. great work for the cast!

storyline-wise, it's one of those dramas that can make you laugh and cry at the same time. typical love story background: rich guy falls for poor girl, and the feeling's mutual. but the way the story is developed is nice (: yayyy Jelita!

[pssssttt. umai, apa kata kau try tgk sinetron ni?]

1:41 am

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

I Wish You Knew by Mariah Carey

I've got to see you
Wherever you are
And I've got to be there
I'm wishing on stars
I've got to reveal what's inside of my heart
But the words escape me
And I'm paralyzed
So helpless when I
Look into your eyes

[chorus]
And how I wish you only knew
What I feel inside for you
You probably haven't got a clue
But I wish you knew
How I love you baby

Honestly I know it's silly of me
To want you so badly
But keep it concealed
See my inferiority complex kicks in
And the words escape me
And I'm paralyzed
So helpless when I
Look into your eyes

[chorus]
_________________________________

i'm trying to find a thousand different reasons to hate you. but i just can't; because i'll find a thousand different reasons to love you.
today was perhaps the first time when i teared again. pulled down my facade.
how is it that you're my strength but my greatest weakness?
please, don't throw me Glances when you're not gonna do anything. what do you expect me to do? i'm just a girl who's in love with you.

i'm just so tired. i've done all i could. now i just leave it up to you to decide where this will turn out.
ily, but i'm tired. very very tired. why don't you do something?

10:58 pm

Sunday, May 18, 2008

ytd's tiramisu-making with Umai was super cool!
initially, we thought it would be disaster (cos uhh.. we took 2 hours to make SIX small tiramisus, and i bought whipping cream instead of whipped cream). but guess what? it turned out to be nice! and we've unofficially created our own tiramisu recipe. hehe(:

got back my MYE results a few days back, and conclusion: i cannot do maths. seriously. which is kinda weird because, according to someone, "totally no logic. if you can do science, for sure you can do maths." but heck. i'm weird, anyway.

today i realised something about my likings. these are a few of what i like: butterflies, lavender (the colour and the scent), unicorns, Polly Pocket (the old one where Polly was super small, not the new one), strawberries (not flavour..they always taste so unoriginal), mermaids.
which is slightly contrasting to my character, but hey, deep down, these things are all that i like.

i found this song by Rihanna.
it just raised all the irony of everything that's happening between us.

Cry by Rihanna

I'm not the type to get my heart broken
I'm not the type to get upset and cry
Cuz I never leave my heart open
Never hurts me to say goodbye
Relationships don't get deep to me
Never got the whole in love thing
And someone can say they love me truely
But at the time it didn't mean a thing

*Pre-chorus:
My mind is gone, i'm spinning round
And deep inside, my tears i'll drown
I'm losing grip, what's happening
I stray from love, this is how I feel

**Chorus:
This time was different
Felt like, I was just a victim
And it cut me like a knife
When you walked out of my life
Now i'm, in this condition
And i've, got all the symptoms
Of a girl with a broken heart
But no matter what you'll never see me cry

Did it happen when we first kissed
Cause it's hurting me to let it go
Maybe cause we spent so much time
And I know that it's no more
I shoulda never let you hold me baby
Maybe why i'm sad to see us apart
I didn't give to you on purpose
Gotta figure out how you stole my heart

*Pre-Chorus

**Chorus

How did I get here with you, i'll never know
I never meant to let it get so, personal
After all I tried to do, stay away from loving you
I'm broken hearted, I can't let you know
And I won't let it show
You won't see me cry

**Chorus

**Chorus

All my life..

surprisingly, rihanna's the irony between us. our contrasting preference for her, the song that brought us closer, and now this song that just spells out whatever i'm feeling.
maybe i stopped crying because i stopped hoping too much.
i've done all i can do to patch things up. but i've since left it up to you.
i love you so much. but i just don't know what's happening between us.
did you change? did i? or did we change? i miss you with all my heart, but there's nothing left for me to do.

9:09 pm

Thursday, May 15, 2008

i was inspired by farid to do this. and also spurred by my emotions. kwang3.

anyway, kids. come closer, sit around. make sure you've grabbed all the necessary munchkins and pillows. you ready? good. now listen here. i have a story to tell. it's called The Sky and The Earth.

once upon a time, there was the Sky. tall, vast, annoying and unpredictable. then there was the Earth. quiet on the surface, but equally unpredictable.

one day, the Earth fell for the Sky. but the Earth felt that it was pretty silly because Earth and Sky - two completely different elements. the Sky is made of all types of gases and the atmosphere. the Earth is made of all types of rocks in layers. but all the same, the Earth fell for the Sky. and like how the Earth always is, it pents up everything inside.

but somewhere along the line, the Sky is stuck to something already: the Clouds. the Clouds are made of almost the same things as the Sky: condensed water vapour. anyway, the Sky and the Clouds seem to be perfect together. they seem to fit the jigsaw puzzle well.

again the Earth just kept it all inside because the Earth kept in mind a few things. the Earth realised something too: whatever the Earth experiences or does don't affect the Sky in any major way. but whatever the Sky experiences or does, the Earth feels it, senses it. was it because the core of the Earth was given up for the Sky? the Earth has no idea.

but the Sky is the sky, and the Earth is the earth. they'll always meet, but never unite.
while the Earth keeps on penting up everything inside.

The end.

so kids, how was the story? was it interesting? even if it's not, just say it is. then i shall give you the whole spoiled chupa chups machine.
now pack up all your munchkins - don't leave any crumbs behind! - and put on your footwear. do you see that big door right there? yupps.. you all can slowly walk there and leave. tata!

9:38 pm

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

suddenly i'm missing you badly since the morning.
there's so much i want to tell you about.
and everything that i do just reminds me of you. every song that i heard led my heart back to you.
i love you so much. i swear i do.

my god... ilysm.

cos you know you've got the keys to my heart...

11:30 pm

Monday, May 12, 2008

i miss you so much.

for once, i thought it felt as though we're hugging. but who am i kidding? myself?

it felt like you've always been there. it felt like it's never changed.

i try to think of a thousand different reasons to put you out of my life. but i simply can't.

how am i to survive without you in it?

11:44 pm

Saturday, May 10, 2008

this is what the Fullerton looks like from the inside. cool eh? went inside for learning journey ytd afternoon.

quick post about CrezAwards last night. it was better this year than last year. great job to the AVA people for the lighting effects + the misty thingey from the aircon + dry ice. it made the $10 seem worth it.

the contestants this year was better than last year's, thankfully. ariel had a reaaallllyyy nice voice! and nazeera just rocks lah, that girl! i salute her for her bravery to just go out there and dance it all out ALONE. and her song choices were great! at some point, i felt like dancing along to the music. hehehe.

left early, at around 9.30pm to head off (supposedly) for dinner at tanglin mall. but it turned into something else which had us (me, ferind, vaish and jing li) LOAO all the way till 11 plus. cos then we realised we're gonna miss the last train if we don't budge from where we are by then. let me fill you in.

we walked out of school (it was dark and lonely although the lights were on). then we got shocked in a good way as to how one of the sec 4 girls that we knew was dressed up in (iow, we almost didn't recognise her). so then we walked down the slope, and then we saw the bus zooming towards the bus stop. ferind was like, should we catch the bus? heck lah! run after the bus! so we did (thankfully i was wearing pumps) and managed to board the bus. there were only a few people on the bus and i think we just polluted the silence with our laughing.

so we got down at the stop near TM. and guess what? there was another bus behind! we were wanting to throw our shoes at the second bus. ran our way to the first bus for nothing. hurrs. so we were trying to decide where to dine at all the way to TM, and the funny thing was, we were like walking to the left and to the right - McDonald's or Starbucks. in the end, we stopped in the middle and asked for someone to decide. me, ferind and vaish were like, anything. jing li pointed to Starbucks. we were like, YAY! finally a word from jing li!

entered starbucks, found a seat at the corner facing the street and went to other our drinks. i had white choc mocha frappe, the rest had choc cream chip frappe. ferind had a huge muffin as well. so we sat there, drank coffee and crapped the hell out there in Starbucks. we were like laughing non-stop as one after another of us shared what's going on in our heads. it ranged fom crezawards, our contemplation of the principal's future speech about the success of crezawards, our weird dreams, and the highlight, ghost stories.

ferind and i were mimicking some contestants, or pretending what we'll be like as the judges. so case in point, they're so lucky they didn't have us as the judges. cos it'll be such a nerve-racking experience. kwang3.

the speech was interesting. hehehe. but too sensitive to be posted so ZZZIIIPP! confidential, sorry.

the ghost stories sharing was funny and scary at the same time. vaish was telling us about her encounter with a black cat with green eyes that keep appearing everywhere. ferind was talking about an out-of-place shadow she saw in her room. jing li was talking about the weird feeling we get when there's something where we are. i was laughing and half-freaked out. the crapping started when we were talking about ghost movies, and that's how sadako and ju-on came out. endless crapping and laughing (Starbucks was like waiting for their last 8 customers - us included - to get the hell outta there) led to vaish earning a new nickname: sadako.

hehehe. after that, she became the butt of our SMS jokes. i can't say how annoyed she is!

oh yes, in the bus, jing li scared a woman who was romanticising with her husband when her bag strap fell on the woman's head. again, we broke the otherwise silence of the bus.

it was a hell lotta fun last night. to put it in our words, next time we'll just sell off our tix to people and chill out at starbucks from 8 to 11 plus. maybe we can even sneak in time to wander at orchard at night. or we can skive town and head to night safari or cineleisure for gaming.

thank you so much to ferind, vaish and jing li who made it a memorable night for me. ILY all!

what i wore last night.

me and ferind at crezawards.

yes, i know we look retarded. but that's the point.

maybe what i prayed for didn't really happen. maybe it partially did.
but nothing will ever change what i'm feeling.

because, from the deepest bottom of my heart, i love you.

9:26 pm

Thursday, May 08, 2008

retail therapy didn't work.
i'm so tired. the memories just kept on coming.
and i just have no fricking idea what to do.

" No I can't breathe easy
I can't dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There's no air

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for "
~ Breathe Easy by Blue

" menatap indahnya senyuman diwajahmu
membuat ku terdiam dan terpaku
mengerti akan hadirnya cinta terindah
saat kau peluk mesra tubuhku

banyak kata yang tak mampu ku
ungkapkan kepada dirimu

Chorus:
aku ingin engkau slalu hadir dan temani aku
di setiap langkah yang meyakiniku
kau tercipta untukku
meski waktu akan mampu
memanggil seluruh ragaku
ku ingin kau tau ku slalu milikmu
yang mencintaimu sepanjang hidupku "
~ Tercipta Untukku oleh Ungu

There she goes once again
The ghost of our love
Is making me shiver
It's only small drops of pain
But even the rain
Can turn into rivers

Thought I'd be safe
Living behind this wall
But the pressure's too much
And it's starting to fall

**So how do I get over you?
How do I survive?
Living half a life that I knew
Oh how do I get over you?
When you take away everything I held to be true
I wonder if you feel it too
Do you?

Everywhere that I turn
There's something there
Something to remind me
When I sleep it's alone
Still I reach out
As if you're beside me

Try to move on
I try to find something new
But everything that I did
Is something we used to do

**

Seems like every place
Every place that we knew
Every sign, every taste
Reminds me of you
I thought that this would be gone
But it's still so strong
I keep holding on
What else can I do?

**
~ How Do I? by Lee Ryan

11:10 pm

Wednesday, May 07, 2008

today was the last two papers for MYEs. logically speaking, i should be happy and glad. logically speaking, i should be out and about watching tv shows after tv shows.

but for some reason, i don't feel like it. i don't feel like celebrating. i don't feel like wanting to bother to do anything. deep down, it feels so...cold and empty. did the influx of memories yesterday change me? or maybe all along we've changed.

i don't even know why i'm bothering to try. because everything just ends up the other way round.

i just feel so empty. come to think of it, i have no idea what i'm doing with my life.

i can't. i just can't.

11:21 pm

Tuesday, May 06, 2008

i keep telling myself i won't bother much about you.
but why are you the first person i want to see in the morning?
i don't think about you, tried to forget you
but why are all the memories coming back?
all the words that i've long forgotten...
i'm living my life as simply as possible, as carefree as possible
but why is it that at some point, i feel sad?
why is it at the end of the day, you're the one i want to turn to?

"you look familiar..."
and why do i feel like i've known you all my life?

it's all coming back to me. every place, every meet, every dream...
every tear, every smile, every hurt, every happiness..

"Jadikanlah aku cintamu bersemi untuk kita
Biar waktu nanti yang bicara ku lugu menanti
Kuterima engkau seperti yang ini apa adanya
Biar hati kita yang bicara ku cinta apa adanya kamu"
- Kucinta Apa Adanya Kamu oleh Chelsea Olivia

how do i stop loving you?

10:21 pm

Monday, May 05, 2008

i don't feel like talking about my life because for now, let's just say i don't even know who my friends are (melainkan sahabat2ku yang sedia maklum mereka lah sahabatku sampai kapan pun) and where i stand. it's such a cool position to be in, isn't it? don't even know who your friends are. LOLS.

i don't know - maybe people have different perceptions about friendship. but for me, being friends basically means you have faith in the friendship. if you can't have faith in it, reflect and stop being such an A.H. honestly, it hurts to hear indirectly from the people themselves that your friendship is like second-grade to them whom you consider relatively-close friends.

on a more lighter note, i came across a blog by an indonesian who called himself Longley Time. somehow it reminded me of another blog, Ayat Cinta, that i came across once but haven't visited for quite some time. cos both are talking about CINTA.

memandangkan i dah malas nak bagitau manusia2 berhati titanium ni semua kejadian dalam hidup i, and yang cuma baca cuma umai dengan rid, might as well tulis dalam bahasa melayu kan? lagi senang hidup i daripada nak buang current try sindir2 manusia2 berkepala batu yang takkan get it.

anyway, ini yang i jumpa kat blog tuu. macam worth a read:

Ketika cinta membutakan mata dan memekakkan telingaku..Aku tak
tahu..
Ketika ku tersadar, ternyata cinta yang buta membuat kita lupa tentang
apa itu hakikat cinta sesungguhnya..
Cinta tak membutakan, cinta tak
memekakkan...
Tapi cinta melembutakan hati yang keras, cinta membelai
perasaan manusia yang selalu diliputi amarah..
Cinta menghangatkanmu dikala
kau kedinginan dan mebuatmu dingin di kala kau kepanasan...
Cinta manusia
adalah berkah
Sehingga begitu halus & indah
Maka janganlah berkata "aku telah mati karna cinta".
(dikutip dari official forum baladewa)

and of course, tak ketinggalan, pepatah2 cinta yang inspirational:

Bercinta memang mudah. Untuk dicintai juga mudah. Tapi untuk dicintai oleh
orang yang kita cintai itulah yang sukar diperoleh.

CINTA sejati adalah saat kau dapat merelakan CINTA itu bahagia, bukan untuk
mendapatkannya.

Kerinduan adalah kekuatan dari cinta. Dimana dengan kerinduan, Terciptalah
ayat-ayat cinta, syair-syair sendu, lagu-lagu nostalgia, lukisan-lukisan indah,
bangunan-bangunan mahal dan kesetiaan cinta.

apapun, strongly recommend the blog. some posts are really touching - i guess that's where we can see kuasa cinta. and the best part about his blog is that, other than the fact that all the entries are sincere, there are also verses from the Quran. i don't know.. reading his blog, it's like we can tell what sort of person he is. i'm impressed, but i guess it would be an exaggeration to say he's like Fahri in Ayat-Ayat Cinta.

and here are a few quotes from the other blog:

Andai kata cinta itu sebuah pengorbanan, mengapa pengorbanan itu bukan
nokhtah sebuah cinta? Andai kata derita itu harga sebuah cinta, mengapa cinta
itu semakin sukar dimiliki? Cinta seumpama kota kristal indah di penglihatan
derita di perasaan.

Kadangkala kita menyedari betapa dalamnya kita menyintai seseorang, disaat kita
sedang kehilangannya. Dan kadangkala kita juga menyedari betapa perlunya cinta
seseorg terhadap kita, disaat kita amat memerlukannya

Cinta yang lahir dari pandang pertama adalah cinta suci, manakala perasaan
cinta yang lahir dr kemesraan persahabatan adalah cinta sejati. Namun sukar
untuk membezakan yg mana lebih abadi, cinta suci atau cinta sejati.

Cinta adalah cinta. cinta tak dapat ku lihat, tak dapat ku sentuh, tapi cinta
hanya bisa ku rasakan dalam hati.

cinta yg sederhana adalah sebuah kejujuran dan kepercayaan. jgn sampai cinta itu
hilang hanya karena ketidakpercayaan.
jagalah cinta karena cinta datang dari
Tuhan.
percayalah,cinta itu indah jika kita menghargainya dgn ketulusan hati
dan beningnya jiwa.

just some more from anakmelayu.com :

I have found out the paradox that if i love until it hurts,then there is no more
hurt, but only more love ~ Mother Teresa

Cinta bukan mengajar kita lemah, tetapi membangkitkan kekuatan. Cinta bukan
mengajar kita menghina diri tetapi menghembuskan kegagahan. Cinta bukan
melemahkan semangat tetapi membangkitkan semangat.

why all the phrases about love spilling out on my blog? cos they're interesting and really nicely phrased. sometimes phrases, no matter how simple, just sound beautiful because of word play.

jauh di lubuk hatiku
masih terukir namamu
jauh di dasar jiwaku
kau masih kekasihku...
(Kau Masih Kekasihku
oleh Naff)

11:36 pm

Saturday, May 03, 2008

An ULTRA-SPECIAL dedication going out to my sahabatS TERSAYANG,

Siti Humaira Bte Sumri and Mohd Farid Bin Mokhtar :

thank you for everything(:

all the craziness, night gamings, crappy SMSes and MSN convos especially, the perasan-ing, the moments where we can be ourselves with each other, the support, the advices, everything that makes me feel (ahem..) loved and that i matter (kwang3), the merepek-ness, the songs, the funny stories, for making me have some of the craziest dreams (hehe.. bab ni rid, aku rasa kau kena tanya aku sebab umai dah tahu. kwang3. it involves the three of us, a big tree, bbq and hawaii), for always making me laugh (especially sorang2 depan comp. kita bertiga paling terror dalam bab ni, kan kan kan?)

hehe. aku rasa list takkan habis.

but case in point is, ILY TWO MANY MANY MANY MANY SERIBU SATU MALAM(:

pssssssssstt. yuk kitaorg adakan post-MYE outing.
(super psssstt to umai: and tiramisu kita!)

dan motto terbaru aku: hidup mesti maju!

11:00 pm