Friday, November 30, 2007

the past resurfaces - and it has never let go.

i ran into _ (umai, kau tahu kan siapa) at the civic centre just now. i was going up the escalator and i saw _ with his mom and bro. it was...slightly awkward, especially when we ended up being in the toy section at Tom & Stefanie at the same time. but since the both of us were acting as if we don't know eac other, well... but even after so long, _ is still the same.

before that Remember Me This Way was looping itself in my head. after that..well, it's slowed down in the looping.

when the past and the present clash.

11:37 pm

the song won't stop playing in my mind after i watched Casper in the afternoon. and it's so sweet! when i heard it, i felt like tearing.

and i dedicate it to all my gurlfrenns: Humaira (8 tahun beb!), Debbie, Vivien, Samantha, Shi Jia and all my gurlfrenns in this whole entire world. plus all my guy friends (farid, wan, zan, dika dan yang sewaktu dengannya.)


Remember Me This Way by Jordan Hill
(Casper soundtrack)

Every now and then
We find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You're the best friend that I've found
I know you can't stay
A part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay


* I'll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life would just be kind
To such a gentle mind
If you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way
Hmm...... this way


I don't need eyes to see
The love you bring to me
No matter where I go
And I know that you'll be there
Forever more apart of time, you're everywhere
I'll always care

(Repeat *)

And I'll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I'll be standing by your side and all you do
And I won't ever leave
As long as you believe
You just believe

(Repeat *)

11:37 pm

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

The Glers outing was a blast!! whoootsz! haha.

11:45 pm

For fuck's sake, who cares whether Australia is in the group of death or what for World Cup 3rd round qualifiers?! forget them! hell, also forget England who's grouped together with Croatia. look at Singapore instead!! hello, our national team made it through to the third qualifying round of the World Cup for the FIRST TIME! and guess what? half of the Singaporeans are aware about it. they're more depressed over England failing to qualify for Euro 2008 after such a shitty performance against Croatia. it's little wonder that our local football just can't seem to progress, because their own countrymen are shunning them.

if i grab a self-confessed football fan and ask him/her, who won the EPL last season? he/she can easily reply at the tip of his/her mind, Manchester United. but they missed out on the Carling Cup, the FA Cup and the Champions League trophy went to AC Milan. BUT if i ask him/her, who won the Sleague this season? or who won the Singapore Cup this year? they'll probably be stunned although it was written in the media that it was SAFFC.

so who is Singapore grouped alongside with in the World Cup qualifiers group? -stunned- Uzbekistan, Saudi Arabia and Lebanon. which one was Raddy hoping to avoid (if you are a football fan and you don't know who Raddy is.. gth) ? Uzbekistan. why?? read the fcuking papers!

and how many of us knows that our Young Lions are already in Thailand? and that they'll be playing their first SEA Games group match this Saturday. and it'll be shown 'live' on Channel 5?

sometimes i am just so fed-up that too much attention is given to the other countries' football development. like wtfh. England has good players, yes, but they are also bloody overrated. and their youth system is in crumbles. and one of the perpetrators is the FA themselves. it's their country's footballing future, FFS. make an effort to fcuking improve it rather than firing-and-hiring managers like free.

okayokay. i admit, i'm a bit too firey in my abovementioned post. partly because i'm still pissed at _A_ for letting that fcuking _B_ talk to me like that. due to time constraint, i couldn't let _B_ get this straight: (1) calculus isn't in our fcuking syllabus (2) don't use mathsy words and expect me to understand them, and then insinuate me when i don't (3) the next time i see you , you fcuking b*itch, or the next time i chat with you, i don't care how many SOs i'm gonna receive, but you're gonna get hell from me. if i don't "accidentally" type out the F-word a lot of times in my replies to you, then you're in luck. who the fcuking hell do you think you are, and what gives you the right to say such stuffs? and WTF were you doing interrupting the convo, anw? (4) NOBODY messes around with me and get away with it. NOBODY degrades me and walk away scot-free. i've never cursed anyone before. maybe it'll be you.

and as for you _A_ ... don't let me end up wanting to slap you again. because when that happens, i'll probably have hated you for this.

1:52 am

Tuesday, November 27, 2007

how the hell can you be with such a b*tch? thank you for siding her. and for the first (and i hope the last) time, thank you for making me feel like slapping you right there and then. what the hell is wrong with you? no, wait. make that who are you? since when do you sound like as if you have no backbone/principles, have your judgement all blurred... Why?
most of the time i can't bear to see you hurt.. but just this once, i feel like slapping you, cry in front of you and make you answer why you're no longer who you are.

The Glers outing was cancelled and postponed to tomorrow. nopes farid, kitaorang dah tak marah dah. ASALKAN besok kitaorang nampak engkau dan batang hidung kau kat mrt pukul 1.30pm. kalau tidak... *menyinsing lengan* jengjengjeng. terserah kepada imaginasi engkau lah yerr.

spent the whole afternoon playing Nancy Drew and The Last Train To Blue Moon Canyon. currently i'm 1/4 through the very long game. i just read the walkthrough cheats for the game and there was a long long way to go.

my happy mood was dampened in the morning. then cheered up. and then just almost an hour ago it got dampened again - make that pissed - thanks to _ and _. so yay people, give me a sarcastic wow.

but thanks to Umai for calming me down, making me laugh and forget the whole pissed-off deal for a while. you're the best, gurl!

Message from The Glers HQ:
Agent Umai, sesungguhnya aku masih simpan record verbal contract kita tu. dah, tak payah pakai pen2 emas yang takde ink tu. buang current jer. and ahem2, jangan lupa mission-mission possible kita yer. Agent Fika outz.

11:52 pm

only 12 more hours to The Glers outing! hopefully it'll turn out great!

did some of the descriptions for the toys that my aunt are planning to sell on EBay. initially i had fun typing out the descriptions of the Hello Kitty couples. after a while, well... let's just say it set me thinking about stuffs that i have been trying to distract myself from.

so yeah. the Hello Kitty couples look really sweet. i know that some will find them "damn cute lah!". others will go "eeyeerr! Hello Kitty?!". i don't know.. i stopped being a Hello Kitty fan back in upper primary, but the couples simply looked very sweet. no wonder people used to queue up and rush like mad for them a few years back.

anyway, Debbie finally brought her online existence back! haha. spent time MSN-ing about toys - since i was in the midst of doing the EBay thing. somehow admitted that even after so long, i cherish my Barbie dolls and Polly Pocket and there's absolutely no way i'm gonna sell them. although i rarely play with them, i still sayang them. and yeah, we sorta relate that to my song choices.

lols. nothing much. changed my blog music vid from If Tomorrow Never Comes by Ronan Keating to There You'll Be by Faith Hill. ended up slightly tearing after watching the latter vid. maybe it's cos of the sweet song. *shrugs* whatever.
__________________________________________________________________
" Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life
That's all I'm breathing for... "
- Breathe Easy by Blue

1:52 am

Sunday, November 25, 2007

i'm gonna make it 310 posts before i'm gonna change my blogskin. i found something purple and nice, made by D.Lockheart (my favourite BlogSkinner!). so yupps.

went shopping with Umai today! haha. we were like weaving in and out of shops looking for the perfect stuffs. and it super tiring! haha. i didn't know it can be that tiring. at one point, we were just stuck, don't know what to buy so we ended up recce-ing weird stuffs to buy. like the toys at Metro. hahaha. we even thought of picking up Barbie bags and some Spy Gears and Pokemon stuffs. and we are supposedly 15-year-olds. tsktsktsk. hehehe. but we did end up buying something from Metro. and i got myself a unique clutch purse from John Little. cos it contains a makeup set inside!! and all the eyeshadow colours are so pretty!! definitely the perfect dark colours palette. and they even have a mascara, 2 brow shaders, a mirror, a brush+sponge-tip and a mirror. and all that for just $11.92 (after 20% discount). cool eh?

i've been extremely bored the past few days, The Glers outing is perhaps the only thing that i'm looking forward to. i mean, other than Umai, Rid, Viv and Sam, there hasn't exactly been anyone to MSN with. and Debbie is like don't know where! sighs. ultra sianzation, thank you very much.

2 more days to The Glers outing! yay! i hope that the fun, laughter and crap can last me the whole holidays. cos otherwise, i'll render coming online on MSN as a waste of Net space, cos it's not like i'm having conversations, aside with Rid and Umai (which is almost on a daily basis).

okay. i'm going back to my Hindi songs. at least that can give me some entertainment. lols.
___________________________________________________________________
how much longer can i keep lying to myself?
i feel so bad everytime i chat up with other guys.
maybe you're full of faults, maybe you're not what i expect my dream guy to be. but it's all those faults that make you who you are. without them, you're not you.

11:03 pm

Saturday, November 24, 2007

i think i'm gonna fall sick soon. but hopefully after the 27th cos i don't want to miss The Glers outing! it's bad enough i missed BC's outing. i ain't gonna miss this one.

hehe. umai is storytelling me the plot for Shah Rukh Khan's new movie, Om Shanti Om. it sounds pretty nice. but even if the storyline's predictable, if i ever watch it, i'll just watch it for shah rukh khan. haha.

but to be honest, i'm waiting for Hindi films that are somewhere along the lines of Salaam E-Ishq, Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham, Hum Tum, Main Hoon Na, Devdas and Kal Ho Naa Ho. apart from Salaam E-Ishq and Hum Tum, the rest all starred Shah Rukh Khan. SRK is one of the best actors around! although he's 40+, he is still so suitable to take on the role of heroes cos he's the King. hehe. aside from him, my fave actors include saif ali khan and salman khan. saif ali khan is super cutee! and he's a great actor as well. salman khan, despite his run-ins with the law, is a terrific actor. i like most of the movies he starred in, whether it be serious or funny.

i haven't been in touch with bollywood for so long! and i sort of miss seeing my favourite actors (READ: the likes of Saif Ali Khan, Salman Khan, SRK, John Abraham) and actresses (READ: the likes of Rani Mukerji, Kajol, Preity Zeinta, Priyanka Chopra, Bipasha Basu) on screen.
___________________________________________________________________
" cinta harus berkorban
walau harus menunggu selamanya
aku tahu kau bukan untukku "

" in love you need to sacrifice
although that means you'll have to wait forever
i know that i'm not meant to be with you "
~ Dan Tak Mungkin (And There's No Way) by Agnes Monica

10:31 pm

it's 2.12am and guess what? i just came back from my first bowling experience 12 minutes ago. hehe. it was so fun, although i went with my uncle and my cousins! despite it being my first bowling session, i managed to score 72! haha. maybe this is just a consolation, but not bad for a beginner who (1) didn't know that different weights of bowling balls exist (2) SAFRA's bowling alley is super cool, especially past midnight (3) playing the real thing is different from playing it on GBA (4) they serve nice fries there, but it's not what i'd consider cheap (5) it's not wise to play it with manicured nails cos it will splinter, then it'll break, then it'll bleed, and then you're left with an ugly nail which you're wondering how to fix (6) it's pretty addictive - i didn't feel like leaving the alley.

it's super fun! no wonder my brother was hooked onto it some time back. i came in second for the first round, then missed out on the second round cos my nail was badly broken. so in a way, i was quite pleased with myself. we started at around 11.25pm, then ended around 1am. after that, my uncle had to settle some stuffs with his SAFRA card, so then me and my cousin, Sophia, had some girl talk about dating and how we'd restrict our daughters if they ever want to go out on dates. man, for a P4 kid, she sure can think pretty maturely. after that we zoomed our way out. then my uncle refilled his car, then me and my brother reached home at 2am. haha.

thanks to that experience, now i can't sleep. guess i'd have to crank up my armin van buuren tracks and party away in my seat to exhaustion. hehe.

2:12 am

Friday, November 23, 2007

first and foremost, out of all the foremostest (ada ke word macam tu? tak kisah ah.. aku TM word tu jadi word aku dan The Glers..hehe) things on earth:

WELCOME BACK TO SINGAPORE, GURLFRENNKU HUMAIRA!

tengok, aku baik kan.. kibar2kan banner utk menyambut kepulangan kau. siap dgn lagu lagik [ikut irama Umbrella]: ehk, ehk, ehk, Cik Umai dah balik, balik, balik... hehehe.

i miss you many many many many lahh many many seyyy! hahaha. farid pun. tiap-tiap hari dia tanya samada kau akan bawa balik uniform baru dia. hehehe. tapi sayang seyy.. kau balik, dia pergi holiday pulak. haizzzzz.

apa pun, kau tak yah risau-risau sebab sejauh ini takde perang dunia ke-3 di antara mereka berdua. bikin aku jealous tu ada lah. haizz. inikah nasib diriku yang single-mingle ini? hehehe. tkpe2, aku belum sampai ke tahap desperate.

apapun, aku janji kitaorang takkan makan makanan yang bertairu bila kita bertiga ber-outing dalam masa 3 hari! swearr! kitaorang gi BBQ, kae? lepas tu kita boleh basuh farid ikut cara orang-orang chennai. wakaka.

okayokay. to sum it all up: i miss you many many many many lahh gurl! and betapa seronoknya aku engkau dah balik, and farid dah tak yah keep on tanya aku samada kau akan bawa balik uniform dia. (aku suggest kain dhoti, dia tak nak) hehehehe. Welcome back gurl!!!
(rolls out red carpet, ada camera flashes dengan orang-orang kasi kau bunga ros belambak-lambak)
_________________________________________________________________
next up, for the guy who's andika's lil' brother long-lost twin, Farid:

ohhh.. gi holiday tak bilang ehkk. hehehe. oklah2, kau bilang lah, in your offline message. apa pun, make sure kau jaga diri kau betul2. jangan patahkan hati aishahwarya rai kau tau. nanti aku patah2kan tulang belakang kau. wakaka.

apapun, di mana jua anda berada, have fun! and jangan lupa ingatkan aku dengan umai yang kau abandon kat sini (sampai hati.... hahaha.. takdelah!! jkjk). and paling important sekali, rindu-rindulah kat kitaorang di sini yerr. hehehe.

10:31 pm

less than 8 hours till Umai touches down on SG :D

whee!! i smsed farid in the afternoon, and then we're reminded that the big day is tomorrow! i.e. Umai is finally coming home to our lovely sunny island of Singapore! hahaha. he was so excited about it, he got me excited about it as well!!

ehk ehk ehk, tupaiumai dah nak balik, balik balik..

wakaka! okay okay, i am so random. but i can't wait!! after.. 2 weeks?? that is superr longg!
haha. farid is so impatient for his new uniform to arrive (pssst rid.. aku dengar-dengar kain dhoti lerr..nyehehe). i just can't wait for our reunion (:

and oh ya.. i owe farid some cheering up to do. not that he can't do it himself. wakaka. i was online a little late today, so he beeped me over to come online, which i did. and guess what? he challenged me to a brainless Xmas special Mini Clips game. all you have to do is click your mouse like mad for 1 minute, and then there'll be these presents popping up. the more presents you have, the higher the score. i couldn't get past 40. farid set himself at 53. haha. omg. it had me laughing in front of my screen for about 10 minutes. so funn!

haha. then farid typed out a msg that was meant as a reply to yazid's sms. and then he realised his mistake and then he couldn't stop laughing for the next 5 minutes or so. wakaka. he is so nuts! hahaha. no wonder me and umai mix around with him. and no wonder we're The Glers. hahahaha. okay, stop laughing FikaPika.

right. i am officially a fan of CLEO, Marie Claire and Female. i love almost every single section of these mags, especially when they're featuring the latest look, cosmetic, shoes and bags. like how Marie Claire won me over by featuring Bobbi Brown's Pink Quartz collection. or how CLEO makes me love it by setting up the askCLEO.net website and affordable fabs in the mag. and Female is like MC and Cleo merged together!

just now Sathiya MSN-ed me to ask about blusher and eyeliner. which reminds me, i'm terribly itching for a new blusher. i think i want a more pinkish shade. fell in love with soft pink blushers after seeing it in Marie Claire Malaysia, where a model had on the English rose look. omg it was just so pretty! it focused on flawless skin, and then the soft pink blusher and lip colour gloss complimented the look. it looked so ultra-feminine! then there's the scandinavian chick look. uses thick black eyeliner that's winged out, then added with shimmers. keep the rest of the face muted and it will just look so rock!

my uncle's gonna take me and my bro bowling tomorrow, along with our cousins at SAFRA Yishun. at 11pm. -_-"
oh wells, it won't be nice to turn down an invite, right? besides, how often do you get to stay out late (minus my jalan raya trip..reached home at 12.15am..hehe) ?

by the way, i saw the advert for ZoukOut 2007 at Siloso Beach. i can't believe they're bringing in my fave DJ, Armin van Buuren! and they're bringing in some of the best local talents around: Brendon P, Tony Tay, Andrew Chow, Jeremy Boon (Zouk's resident DJs), Electrico and Great Spy Experiment (should change it to to Great Teachers Experiment since the band members are teachers!)
___________________________________________________________________
PP forgot how much he missed MJWS when he was laughing so much just now. i did, as well, when i was challenging him in the game.
but when he said that, i just suddenly thought of you. and how i felt after i did my prayers.
i missed you so much..

12:44 am

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

Khusus sekhusus-khususnya untuk Farid:
wahai sahabat ku yang tersayang (ceyy.. macam betul jerr..), jgn risau-risau atau sedih-sedih sangat, kae? 5 hari jerr... pejam celik, pejam celik, dah habis daa! lain kali, kau pergi lama sikit, lepas tu dia boleh rindukan kau lebih, okay? huhu.. tapi jangan melampau sampai 5 minggu ah. kalau 5 minggu kau blah tak bilang aku atau umai... aku siat-siat kau, lepas tu panggang kau kat Seoul Garden nye BBQ pan. haha!

and yes!! haha! aku sendiri tak sabar menanti The Glers nye outing tu! haha.. lagi 7 hari aje! cepat, kau get ready kau nye list of criteria what you want in your new Spidey uniform! lepas tu kitaorang ronda Bugis cari uniform kau tu. peter parking nye dah on the way untuk diimport dari Chennai. hahaha! tapi tapi tapi, kalau takde, terpaksa lah engkau jahit sendiri lah yerr.. mana tahu, Umai ada bawa balik kain dhoti spare dari phil bil dil hai Hindustani..boleh sepasang dengan uniform baru kau :D

dan dan dan, Umai akan balik tidak lama lagi.. dalam masa kira-kira 1.5 hari! haha. lepas tu, kitaorang dah reunited! Yayye!!

[ahem ahem... ada orang tu nye birthday lagi 18 hari jerr ehk.. macam tak sabar pulak tu eh dia.. ish ish ish..]
___________________________________________________________________

i watched today's episode of indonesian serial Liontin just now. and there was conflicting stances on love. on one hand, it was "If you love somebody, set them free. If they come back to you, then you're meant to be." on the other end, it was "If you love somebody, fight for them if you know that they'll be happy by your side."

but reality isn't that simple. if it was, there won't be fairy tales.
and i won't be here, still torn about you.

why songs? sometimes, words can't express how you feel. or you don't dare to voice it out. or you just can't, out of fear, out of the circumstances. songs give you the avenue to say it out, even if it's just to yourself. on one hand, it makes you feel better because you're sure of yourself, and what you're feeling. on the other hand, it hurts you because you know about it very well - you're just stuck at crossroads. that's when the reality hits you, and all of your life comes crashing down on you.

thanks to mariah carey and her song "Through The Rain", i guess it gave me some ground to pick myself up, stop crying so much and learn to think through the whole thing calmly. which i'm doing to almost everything. there's something about people like me. i can dole out advices to others, help them out all the way...but i'm at loss about my own problems.

but like you said, there's always a way to get around the problem we're facing. always.

my stand on the first issue raised: If you love someone, fight for them, until your heart tells you that the best thing to do is to set them free. you don't have to own someone to love them. because love isn't about owning; it's about giving and sincerity. if they come back to you, then it's meant to be. otherwise, it just means that fate is keeping you apart.

i'm letting you go off and leave me because i'm still in love with you.
i'm not going to fight for you because i can't.
i won't cry because i know you won't want to see me like that.
cos your happiness is all that i want - even if it's by accepting the painful truth.

" I would give it all I would sacrifice
Don't tell me it's not worth fightin' for
I can't help it there's nothin' I want more
You know it's true
Everything I do - I do it for you "
~ Everything I do (I do it for you) - Bryan Adams

10:32 pm

Saat Kau Pergi oleh Bunga Citra Lestari

Entah mengapa, hatiku terus gelisah,
apa yang akan terjadi?
Air mata pun jatuh tak tertahan,
melihatmu, terdiam

[#:]
Ternyata, kau pergi, untuk selamanya
Tinggalkan diriku, dan cintaku

[Reff:]
Apa kau melihat, dan mendengar
tangis, kehilangan dariku
Baru saja, ku ingin kau tahu
perasaanku... (1: padamu)

Mungkin, Tuhan, tak izinkan sekarang
Kau dan, aku, bahagia

[#]

[Reff] (x2)

Apa kau melihat...
Kau mendengar...
Kau melihat...

[Reff] (–> Fade)
____________________________________
The Moment You Left by Bunga Citra Lestari

don't know why, my heart feels uneasy
what is going to happen?
the tears fall, uncontrolled
seeing you, i'm silenced

[#:]
turns out that you're leaving, for good
leaving me behind, and my love

[Reff:]
Can you see, and hear
my tears of losing you
at the time when i just wanted to tell you
my feelings (1: for you)

maybe now God doesn't allow
you and me to be together

[#]

[Reff] (x2)

Can you see...
Can you hear...
Can you see...

[Reff] (–> Fade)

10:32 pm

first of all, thank you for making me smile and laugh (:

12:45 am

Monday, November 19, 2007

it's been 2 days and i still haven't tried out using my makeup brushes yet. maybe i'll save it for my outings with my friends (:

10:41 pm

Sunday, November 18, 2007

firstly, Singapore drew 1-1 Tajikistan in the World Cup Qualifiers play-off, 2nd stage. that means we advance onto the 3rd qualifying stage with an aggregate of 3-1 ! yayy! i bet KallangRoar will be abuzz with the news! haven't logged in for quite some time, though.

and the outing with Umai and Rid is 97% complete! we've got our aim (look for Rid's spiderman suit), our locations (bugis, esplanade, parkway/takashimaya), our timing, our meet-up spot (the usual). it's almost done; the only thing left is to wait for Umai to come back, agree with her the plans and then we're off! haha. i miss our threesome craziness (henceforth the name The Glers). haha. i think we'd be kecoh sungguh.com in the mrt, at the costume shops.. even at Waterfront. wakaka. tak sabar rasanya ku menanti.. ku menanti, dan tetap terus menanti..bilalah agaknya The Glers keluar beraya - eh, beraya pulak - berjalan..

and BC is also abuzz with our planned outing on the 20th. vivien is the busy organiser! haha. can't wait! miss the gals so much!

i created a playlist on my iTunes and labelled it lovesongs@95 after my favourite radio show! and on the playlist are the usual culprits of westlife, backstreet boys, blue, mariah carey, boyz II men, babyface, garth brooks, faith hill, michael learns to rock, lonestar, frankie j, ronan keating, spandau ballet, chicago, guys next door, bryan adams.. some of my favourite love songs in one playlist - i love it!

and unwittingly, every single song in there is for you..

" this love is unbreakable, it's unmistakable
and each time i look in your eyes
i know why
this love is untouchable
a feeling my heart just can't deny
each time you whisper my name
i know why "

absence makes the heart fonder; presence strengthens it...

11:33 pm

Saturday, November 17, 2007

a new wallet? not quite...

11:26 pm

being an ebay stock inventorist - even for your aunt - is tiring. i didn't know that doing the descriptions, the photos and uploading all the stuffs for listing could be so leceh. if that's the case, i can cancel out stock inventorist from my list of possible professions in the future.

that leaves me with counsellor, broadcast/print journalist, spa owner, teacher..not much to begin with in the first place. but in short, i like to work with people. as long as they don't annoy the hell outta me, that is.

so to entertain myself during the gruelling slow process of EBay, i planned The Glers outing in my head before SMSing Rid about it (: so basically the plan is we meet up early on the 27th Nov, then we'll head down to Bugis to look for Rid's spidey suit, then we'll take a stroll at Esplanade (and camwhore at the Waterfront there and at City Hall and the Substation..haha). and if time permits, we'll head down to parkway. i'm dying to try out the Kebab Station there.

haha. i can't wait till umai gets back. she told me that she'll touch down in SG on the morning of the 23rd Nov. think i'm gonna send her a super special tapai delivery through SMS on that day(:
i miss her and her craziness and how me, Rid and her create havoc on our MSN nights. haha. when all everything seems down and grey in my life, and when i'm always fed-up at the people around me, they never fail to really cheer me up. Rid and his trademark "huhu". Umai and her "hohoho merry xmas". and those two with their crazy 'squabbles'. and our MSN 'karaoke' sessions, 'poetry writing' and 'song writing' moments. hahaha. and today's the 16th, so that means there is only about 7 more days before Umai comes back!

ahem2, to the tune of the chorus of Mimpi Manis:
cepat, umai pulang ke SG, ke SG
cepat, umai balik ke sini
umai, umaiku yang manis
cepat, cepat umai pulang ke SG

haha. i shall go think up of a welcome back song for her (:
can't wait! 7 more days! haha.

and oh yeah, just got the news that Debbie's back! haha. missed her and <3 her loads.


it's interesting how i'm supposedly "in" but i'm "out". and it's very interesting that people know a lot about the ongoings while i don't - as usual. thanks y'all. so if i call it quits, please don't blame me.

12:26 am

Thursday, November 15, 2007

"I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they really like me half the time."
~ Cordelia from Buffy The Vampire Slayer series

thanks to Cordy for coming up with that quote. and thanks to Micol Ostow and Steven Brezenoff for putting it in The Quotable Slayer book. really helps me relate and say what i've been meaning to say. thanks.

so, by cramming complex issues in a nutshell, i'm not gonna hit out at the people around me cos hey, that will just be so mean. but to be honest, i am just so sick of the whole deal. sick of being the extra lamp-post within a group. sick of trying to fit in. sick of being pissed at the people. sick of trying to please people at my expense. sick of trying to spare a thought for people's feelings when they obviously don't spare mine.

cos i realised that all this while, more or less 3/4 of the people in my life have been taking me for granted. or relate me to a wallpaper. whatever. i've had enough. so READ: some people automatically assume i respect them as a person; but hey, so sorry to break your bubble mFer, but you want my respect, you gotta learn to earn it. some people automatically assume i'm their mediator. but right now i'm telling you, grow up and face your own life.

so when this realisation hits you, you realize that actually you don't stand anywhere on people's ground. sometimes you give in too much to others' demands and you try to spare a thought for their feelings, you let them walk all over you, you let them take you for granted. let me say it now: i've had enough of all this fcuking BS. just cos sometimes i appear less girly than others in the way i talk and act, doesn't really mean i'm not sensitive deep down. just cos i don't mind watching people's head getting severed, doesn't mean i'm heartless and don't cry. and just cos i relent and shut up most of the time, doesn't mean i'm entirely pleased or accepting with what people do. cos guess what? i'm human.

and you know what, there's a malay saying "whoever eats the chilli will feel the spiciness"
so who among you ate the chilli?

(kepada The Glers: rileks, ni bukan ditujukan kepada korang. kita bertiga tetap selama-lamanya, okae? tak payah risau pasal hal ni. lebih bagus korang mula fikirkan tentang sesi berjalan-jalan kitaorang tu.)


i need you so bad. but i don't even know how. and i don't even think i have the heart to trouble you.
but at this point in time when my life is completely effed up, i just want you by my side.

11:45 pm

the thing about rated movies i.e. for all those 16+ : sometimes the rating isn't justified. or maybe it's just me who doesn't care about the ratings and just watch them.

like now. i'm watching 300 right now, and apparently it's M18 cos of gore and violence. ok, fine. maybe there's some truth in there, what's with severed heads lolling about on the battlefield, spears piercing through the Persians..and a Spartan sculptor who lost his eye. but ANW. isn't that what war movies are all about? gore, violence, nice cinematography. in short, it's great.
(but maybe some people will have to wait till they're 18. haha.)

another flick that's worth watching is Hot Fuzz. it's pretty funny, actually. one of those comedies revolving around a top London Met cop's life after he was forced to be transferred to Sandford, Gloucestershire. rated NC16 for mild language once in a while. but otherwise, i can't understand why they rate it as such.

so in short, these rated movies are watcheable. just use your discretion while watching it.

11:10 pm

Wednesday, November 14, 2007

woke up this morning and felt really bad about being so mad at _ yesterday. but at least i didn't flamed _ with offline msgs (which _ won't read anw) or smses or what. it was ironical; i was just so pissed at _ last night, but in the middle of the night when i ended up crying i just wanted _ by my side. then when i woke up this morning... i just felt so so so sooo bad and guilty. i shouldn't have been mad at _ or vent my pent-up frustration at _.

anyway, started "work" today from around 2pm all the way to 7pm. for today, it was helping Aunt Nori to take snapshots of the stuffs she wants to sell on EBay, and at the same time doing some sort of a stock inventory of the stuffs. friday will be another products describing session. and "work" because i don't get paid, but i get commissions. had breaks in between, and entertained my cousins with actual ghost stories about my school. then it was time-out at 7pm. had dinner with them and then watched a bit of Aliens Vs Predators. (there's AVP2 coming soon, anw.) played around with Ady the cat for a while. i didn't know the cat likes to manja (in malay) / sa jiao (in chinese) with people. then my aunt sent me home and now i'm here blogging with my A Maths untouched in front of me.

looked through my emails for a while just now. my god, i miss _ so much.
i miss BC as well cos i'm like darn bored at home till the extent that i almost started doing my homework. One Missed Call outing, alriteys?

[RIHANNA:]
And I hate how much I love you boy
I can't stand how much I need you
And I hate how much I love you boy
But I just can't let you go
And I hate that I love you so
~ Hate That I Love You - Rihanna ft Ne-Yo

seriously.

sometimes i can't stand myself..how much i love you..

11:10 pm

Tuesday, November 13, 2007

went to catch a movie with Vaish and Jing Li just now. The Game Plan was okay.. pretty touching towards the end. it's one of those feel good movies, anyway. then ate at LJS and received Rid's SMS, stating that our outing was cancelled after it was repeatedly delayed. then found out i'm fucking broke; i don't have value in my EZ-Link card or my prepaid. when i reached woodlands, i was torn between buying a cosmetic brush set from chameleon or top up my prepaid. i opted for the latter. then saw that the queue at Singtel was bloody fucking long, so dropped the whole idea and went home.

for some random reason, i am just so mad at _. i don't know why; i'm just so mad at _. tried to sit down and try to reason out with myself why. i just don't know. maybe i'm just so mad that i can't do anything about It. or maybe i'm just venting my pissed off-ness over god-knows-what on _.

or maybe i'm just so mad at you for letting me fall in love with you. sometimes i try to hate you for it, but i just end up realising that i can't hate you more than i love you.

and wtff. sometimes i don't know why i bothered to come online.
i'm torn between waiting for you and just forgetting the whole deal.

you know, sometimes i just feel like i need to talk it out with someone. i need someone to listen to me. i just need someone to be there for me. Really be there for me.

i don't need all the "i'll be there for you" BS. seriously. i can just ask my worst enemy (if i even have one) to record that on the tape recorder and play it everyday. oh what the fuck. i can even just record my own voice. that'll be better right?

so when it comes down to the fact that i draw back and feel like turning to _ although i shouldn't, who's to blame? but _'s not even there anymore. and i'm too ashamed to go look for _ again. and if _ doesn't even try to show that _ cares, why should i even bother?

but i keep on dreaming of you through the nights. so how am i supposed to let this all stop?

11:10 pm

Monday, November 12, 2007

i think BlogSkins is telling me to stop searching for more skins. haha. cos it is working very slow today. but it ain't butterflies today, though.

and guess what? for the first time in a very, very long time, i finally tuned in to Love Songs With Yas On Class95. i used to listen to that show, straight after Skool With KC on Ria89.7 or Own Time Own Target With Sebastian on Power98 which usually ends around 10pm. i interchange between those 2 stations cos..well, sometimes i prefer to listen to Seb. on a random note, i like Yas's voice. haha. it's so soothing. to be honest, the only 2 shows that i hear on Class 95 is Morning Express (cos TFD and Glenn are just so hilarious, so if i'm laughing in the train in the morning it's all thanks to them) and Love Songs With Yas (cos my favourite genre of songs is being played). other times i'll tune in to Ria 89.7.

and thanks to Yas, i know the titles of some of my favourite late 80s-early 90s love songs! like, I've Been Waiting For You by Guys Next Door, Stay Forever by Joey Lawrence, Come To My Senses by Chicago... the list goes on for quite some length. hahaha. but the point is, i know the titles now, so i can go look for them!

and as i was looking through my CDs, i came across a compilation album, Yours, Always that i bought 2 years ago (and left to collect dust). so i popped it into my player, and i forgot how much i loved those songs. especially Last Thing On My Mind by Ronan Keating and Leann Rimes. that song was my ultimate fave the whole of last year. and it still is one of my favourite songs (:

Both: No I won't let go, know what we can be
I won't watch my life crashing down on me
Guess I had it all right there before my eyes, yeah
Ronan: Girl I'm sorry now
LeAnn: Oh I'm sorry
Ronan: You were the last thing
Both: On my mind (on my mind)

sheesh. i sound so much like the sentimental sucker that i always safely stash away in the closet. haha. (okay, i don't know whether to go run into the closet or just face my pai seh-ness. hahaha.)

dang. i think i'm in such a mood after my dream last night (:
but i think i'm just so weird. If Tomorrow Never Comes by Ronan Keating was playing in my mind to sleep last night. and then this morning i woke up to There You'll Be in my mind.

maybe i know why i'm so in love with you. or maybe i just don't. and maybe i don't care.
but all i know is that, the one thing i'm sure of is, i love you.
maybe that's the single most craziest thing that i've ever done.
but like the song goes, i just can't help falling in love with you.

11:02 pm

Sunday, November 11, 2007

woke up this morning, showered and then took a look at myself in the mirror: i looked shacked. for a split second i wondered if that was really me. i guess it was a bit weird cos usually i don't look that shacked. tried to cover it up with some light makeup. even with eyeliner and mascara, my eyes still looked dead rather than sultry-awake (the effect which you are supposed to have if you line your waterline and draw a semi-thick line on the outer half of your upper eyelid - supposedly) thought of slapping on some blusher but that would be OD-ing it - i'm just headed for my Islamic class. so yeah. slugged around the whole day today looking pretty defeated.

12:14 am

Saturday, November 10, 2007

for you. because it says everything i would want to say. somehow, you came on when it was playing on my itunes.

There You'll Be - Faith Hill

When I think back
On these times
And the dreams
We left behind
I'll be glad 'causeI was blessed to get
To have you in my life
When I look back
On these days
I'll look and see your face
You are there for me

[CHORUS:]
In my dreams
I'll always see you soar
Above the sky
In my heart
There always be a place
For you for all my life
I'll keep a part
Of you with me
And everywhere I am
There you'll be

Well you showed me
How it feels
To feel the sky
Within my reach
And I always
Will remember all
The strength you
Gave to me
Your love made me
Make it through
Oh, I owe so much to you
You were right there for me

[Repeat chorus]

'Cause I always saw in you
My light, my strength
And I want to thank you
Now for all the ways
You were right there for me
You were right there for me
For always

[Repeat chorus]
_______________________
in the morning went to CWP for brunch. browsed through the cosmetic in Watson's. L'Oreal Colour Riche lipsticks are seriously very nice; i feel like buying all the colours. then read in TODAY that L'Oreal will launch a special edition True Match Two-Way Foundation next month in a special casing that's designed by one of the local design students. it was black with gold embossing = elegantly beautiful. iow, i want it.
spent the whole afternoon watching one Hindi movie after another on TV. and i didn't even keep track of the titles. the movies were okay, pretty typical but entertaining nonetheless.
gave up on e maths homework half an hour ago. i just couldn't focus. and all my calculations turned out to be so jialat, it was as if i've never done those type of sums before.

i tried hard to keep myself from missing you, from thinking of you, from crying. the latter i managed to do. but every stray moment or so, memories will just playback in my mind.

12:14 am

Friday, November 09, 2007

i can't believe you came dressed in my favourite look of yours, including the hairstyle...

entah mengapa ia kelihatan sukar untuk dirimu, tapi adakah engkau tahu ia lebih sukar untuk diriku? dan tatkala aku berkata aku takkan turut serta untuk class chalet, kenapa engkau kelihatan dan kedengaran begitu kecewa? why did you sound so disappointed? why did your face fall? kenapa kelihatan engkau begitu sukar setakat untuk melihat ke arahku, begitu berat? kenapa aku merasakan bahawa kenyataan ini juga sukar bagi dirimu?

i watched a hindi movie, Salaam E-Ishq just now on TV2. and although it was 4 hours long, it was worth every minute of it. this is perhaps the first movie in a long time that i cried so much while watching it. it was perfect; the storylines, the characters, the songs. here's the synopsis. once you read through the synopsis and know what it's all about, you'll understand why this movie can bring tears to my eyes.

and my favourite track in the movie, Mera Dil


but this movie taught me something invaluable, something that will stay with me all my life: Fight for your love.

12:24 am

i guess i owe The Glers a lot for making me laugh through all the tears and pain. for making me forget, momentarily, how much it hurts inside. for putting a smile to my lips when others just can't. for icing the tears. i know i've never told you guys in detail exactly what, but one day i will. and i hope you guys will understand. but while it lasts, let me maintain my gler-ness with The Glers. Sesi mencari costume SpiderRid tu, kita adakan bila Umai balik dari Chennai kae? and Rid, no matter by hook or by crook, i'll come along and kasi kau crash course dalam soal-meyoal membeli hadiah. set? plus, aku kasi bonus: kita akan belajar menjahit spidey suit kau yang diperbuat daripada kain berkilau-kilausementara tu, rajin-rajinlah check handphone.

sometimes i just sit down and wonder who exactly are there for me and who are not. who matters most in my life, and who just seems to be a passing character in the story of my life. the lines between all these just seemed so blurred, it's difficult to clearly see it. or maybe i'm just so fed-up that everytime i don't want to talk, people are expecting me to talk. and when i feel like opening up, i end up opening up to myself.

at these points in time, i just need you so much. but i just don't have the heart to burden you.

you know what? i think i might as well let people know how i really am, who i really am. i know that on the outside, i'm crappy, cynical etc. i'm a football fan. i'm a makeup obsessor. i prefer violent, action and comedy flicks compared to family fun.
but deep down i'm different. they say you can tell a person's character by the type of music she listens to. my music taste is still leaning heavily towards love ballads. i'm sentimental.
sometimes when i'm offended or hurt, i stay silent. sometimes when i watch sad movies,or at a funeral, i can be the only one not crying. that doesn't mean i'm devoid of emotions. that just means i don't show it. because once i start showing my emotions, people will sense that it's my weakness.

i'm unwittingly counting down the hours and minutes.

"i know they say if you love somebody
you should set them free"

ronan keating's right.
i love you. i'm not stopping you.

"maybe cos i know you'll always be with me
in the possibility"

12:24 am

Thursday, November 08, 2007

if i can turn back time and freeze them at those moments, i would..
cos time is ticking by so fast..and it's slipping out of my grasp..

first and foremostly, to my girlfren tersayang, Siti Humaira aka TupaiUmai, have a safe trip to Chennai ya! tak, jangan risau, aku takkan cry2 sebab rindukan kau (hehehe) Tapi i will miss euuu many many many many many many many many x seribu satu malam. hahaha. and jangan risau, our Top Secret Confidential Plan akan berjalan terus (: akan ku recce2 in search of the barang-barang. and bila kau kat sana tu kan, jangan lupa ingatkan aku dengan Peter Parking kat sini tau! love you many many x 100! <3

PS: kalau berjumpa dengan SRK ke, Salman Khan ke, Kublai Khan ke (?!)... jangan lupa minta itu auto bin graph yerr.. hehehe

PPS: umai, jangan cry2 sebab terharu sangat dengan lagu kitaorg tu.. nasib baik kitaorg tk nyanyi live..huhu

i'm like waiting for Peter Parking and TupaiUmai to be online cos although there are a lot of people online on msn. haha. cos they never fail to make me laugh like mad in front of my computer.

and guess what? yay! both Umai and Rid are online!
and i haven't filled rid in about The Glers special project. huhu. i'm like tersangkut in the process of making it as well. haha.

10:28 pm

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

found _'s email in my inbox just now. it was pretty entertaining, albeit at some people's expense. but it made me smile - again.
i give up trying to solve the puzzles of my heart. cos it all comes down back to you.

XBox-ed the whole afternoon until my fingers are cramped. i really need to brush up on my FIFA skills. and get gold medal for the car sprint down White Mountain in Burnout: Revenge.

watched The Sum Of All Fears just now. i almost forgot how much i liked that movie. i know that most people are crazy over The Game Plan. but predictable plots don't do it for me. surprise me. like War: Rogue Assassin, which is Jet Li's 2nd last Hollywood flick. the twist totally caught me off-guard - i bet nobody would have expected who Jet Li really was in that movie.

i think i'm liking the Mod Make-up Look after i saw it on Asian Beauty Blog:


Maybe 'cause I know you'll always be with me
In the possibility

12:15 am

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

i never could imagine life without you
from the moment you walked into my world
never knew how long a loving flame could burn
but losing you has forced me to learn
=
everytime i try to take a stand at all
i see your face again and i fall
=
one last dance to our first song
while pretending there's nothing wrong
and stay here for a while and
cherish every moment we're in denial
we both know it's better if we just let it go
~ One Last by Taufik
______________________________
without you where do i belong
without you how can i go on
no love but yours will ever do
tell me how am i supposed to live my life
without you
=
please tell me
how can i go on?
~ Without You by Kimberly Locke ft Clay Aiken
______________________________

Love is like war, Easy to begin but hard to end. ~ by Anonymous

You will never know true happiness until you have truly loved, and you will
never understand what pain really is until you have lost it. ~ by Anonymous

Love is not a matter of counting the years... But making the years count. ~ by
Michelle St. Amand

_______________________________________________________________

i guess at times like this, it pays to help people around me. at least i'll be able to put a smile on faces (hopefully). even though it may be unresolved, but at least i tried.

to umai: tak ku sangka sebenarnya kitaorang tgh going through benda yang sikit lebih kurang sama. thanks for making me smile and laugh through the tears. (and i still owe you The Glers cartoon strip..nanti bila dah siap, aku scan kan and kasi korang eh?) terima kasih untuk segala-galanya , tupai. love you many many lah ehh. (cik baba, jatuh dalam parit. cik umai, ketawa jerit-jerit)
________________________________________________________________
i'm sorry i'm still so in love with you. i've been trying to get over you, but i just couldn't carry on lying to myself, putting up a front to the world. i'm trying to get myself to be strong for your sake but...
at the end of the day, i just feel so lost. and all i want is to go to you and let everything that has been kept away out. but everytime i want to, i'll hesitate cos i don't want to trouble you.
but when i'm really shattered, i wish i had. cos somehow you're the only one that can set things right.
but why you'd had to go, i just don't get it. kenapa Engkau menghadirkannya, kemudian membawanya? dan mengapa saat dia kembali, Engkau membawa dia pergi lagi?

12:15 am

Monday, November 05, 2007

Dazed and shattered, now it hurts
cos you're only almost here

How can i just let you walk away
Just let you leave without a trace
When i'm standing here taking every breath of you
You're the only one who really knew me at all

I climb the walls, yeah
I can see the edge but I can't take the fall, no
I memorized the number
So why can't I make the call?
Maybe 'cause I know you'll always be with me
In the possibility

Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside is killing me
Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you, to you
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

Wake me up when it's over
After the ending
When the damage has all been done
I don't wanna be somewhere
Where you can watch me
As I bleed
Just leave me here in pieces
In pieces

I'm alright, I'm okay, I'll be fine, give it time
But the only..

Trouble is I can't get [you] out of my mind
When I close my eyes every night
Who's gonna save me, now [you're] gone
The trouble is there's still a part of me
That still can't let go of [your] memory (I just can't)
And now I know what it is... (yes I know)
Now I know what it is
cause love is what the trouble is

I know they say if you love somebody
You should set them free (so they say)
But it sure is hard to do
Yeah, it sure is hard to do
And I know they say if they don't come back again
Then it's meant to be ( so they say)
But those words ain't pulling me through
Cos I'm still in love with you

I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
________________________________________
i somehow expected it..
i never thought it'll come true.

i'd be sidestepping the truth if i said i'm not disappointed. but i'll be telling myself a big lie if i said i'm not shattered.
it's cruel, but if life is forever easy for us, then what's life?
maybe some part of me wished i had told you, but the other part knows it's better to just stay silent.

You said goodbye
I fell apart
I fell from all we had
For I never knew
I needed you so bad

Why did I ever let you slip away
Can't stand another day without you
Without the feeling
I once knew

If you could see me now
You would know just how
How hard I try
Not to wonder why

I cry silently
I cry inside of me
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
I cry
Cause you're not here with me
I cry
Cause I'm lonely as can be
I cry hopelessly
Cause I know I'll never breathe your love again
~ I Cry by Westlife

7:53 pm

Sunday, November 04, 2007

to Peter Parking: don't worry too much. concentrate on your SPA. remember, if you still can't get it out of your head, follow TupaiUmai's advice, use BLEACH. make it into a syrup or what, drink it, then go do some yoga or whatever. but if you need a temporary amnesia, just tell us. we'd help you gladly. but on a more serious note, i really hope things turn out well. jangan lupa, The Glers.. teman setia anda (nyanyi ikut RTM nye lagu tu tau..)

to TupaiUmai: you know that i know that we know about it. so shh..and, seronoknya orang tuu... tak lama lagi dia akan ke Chennaiii...
___________________________________________________
ploughed through my CD rack and found my copy of Diamonds: Love Songs Are Forever. it's a compilation of 36 of the greatest love ballads. to quote the CD cover: "A collection of diamond classics that live on forever in our heart. Great ballads sometimes evoke as much love as a precious diamond."

if i can quote as much of the lyrics of all the songs as possible, if i can dedicate all these songs to you...

You're the key to my life...
Rain on the window covers the trace
Of all the tears that I've had to waste
And now I'm missing you so
And I won't let you go away
Stain on the desktop where coffee cups lay
And memories of you forever will stay
And the scent of your perfume
And the smile on your face will remain...

And I never gave up hope when things got me down
But I just bit on my lip and my face began to frown
Cos that was just my pride and I've nothing else to hide
And now the way is clear and all I want to say is..

All of my life the doors have been closed now
And all of my dreams have been locked up inside
But you came along and captured my heart
You're the key to my life
~ Key To My Life by Boyzone

sometimes i just need to talk it out to someone. but when i look out into the night sky, ask myself, there's no one but myself left. part of me feels like talking it out with you, but how can i when it's about you? but somehow that part of me wish you can hear it all out....

cos you're only almost here

10:31 pm

Saturday, November 03, 2007

watched Click in the afternoon. it was quite funny, although i can't help feeling sorry for Michael (Adam Sandler) as he fast-forwards his life all the way to his death. but then he was given a chance to relive his life again by Morty, the angel of death, so the ending turned out great.

felt like listening to Boyzone just now. fyi, boyzone was an irish boyband that ronan keating used to be part of. but they disbanded in the early 90s and then westlife took over as most popular boyband. but their songs are great. but it's quite hard to find their albums in stores. so had to make do with the songs that i manage to get. which is quite okay. better than nothing. at least i have some of the songs of the 90s boyband era. which is the type of songs that i seriously like to listen to, way better than all the hiphop and rnb stuffs dominating the airways nowadays.
___________________________________________________________________
If I Don't Tell You Now by Boyzone

I kept it inside for the longest time
And I can't keep keeping it
All this love that's inside of my heart
Maybe it's safer not to say that I care
Maybe this road won't lead me anywhere

[CHORUS]
But if I don't tell you now
I may never get the chance again
To tell you that I need you, tell you what I'm feeling
If I keep these feelings in
And if I don't say the words
How will you hear what's inside my heart
How will you know then
If I don't tell you now

I'd do anything to be in your dreams
And I can't stand standing by
With this dream that's inside my heart
Maybe I'm only gonna make a mistake
And there's a chance maybe my heart will break

[CHORUS]

How will you know you're inside my soul
Oh it's driving me crazy
Cause you don't see, you're the world to me
I'm so afraid to see
The way that I feel for you

[CHORUS]

If I don't tell you now

but maybe it's safer not to say i care.

11:07 pm

Friday, November 02, 2007

finally holiday lessons are over for the week. it's like, come in for lessons at 8am, go home at 3pm. it's like an extended school term.

but whatever lah. as long as i come for lessons (even if it's just to show face), absorb some stuffs and get the hell outta there, should be okay.
___________________________________________________________________
i'm just so tired of lying to myself. i wasn't over you, am not over you...i don't even know if i can get over you.

was i lost in you and me
to the point i couldn't see
that what we had was dying?
and now there's nothing i can do
but to see photographs of you
and stop myself from crying
~ Without You by Clay Aiken ft. Kimberly Locke

i know that some people say that it's a crazy and stupid thing to be falling so hard for you.
if we can choose who we fall for, it would make all our lives much easier, won't it?
cos the whole thing's not going anywhere.

Shadows bleeding through the light
Where the love once shined so bright
Came without a reason
Don't let go on us tonight
Love's not always black and white
Oh, Haven't I always loved you?
~ Almost Here by Brian McFadden

i know that i'm laughing off the matter, waving it all off.

but if i can tell you right now that inside i'm shattered, lost, confused...

and when i'm with you
i'm close to tears
cos you're only almost here
~ Almost Here by Brian McFadden

11:59 pm

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause you're only almost here
~ Almost Here by Brian McFadden & Delta Goodrem
_______________________________________
Butterfly by Mariah Carey

When you love someone so deeply
They become your life
It's easy to succumb to overwhelming fears inside
Blindly I imagined I could
Keep you under glass
Now I understand to hold you
I must open my hands
And watch you rise

** Spread your wings and prepare to fly
For you have become a butterfly
Fly abandonedly into the sun
If you should return to me
We truly were meant to be
So spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

I have learned that beauty
Has to flourish in the light
Wild horses run unbridled
Or their spirit dies
You have given me the courage
To be all that I can
And I truly feel your heart will
Lead you back to me when you're
Ready to land

**

I can't pretend these tears
Aren't over flowing steadily
I can't prevent this hurt from
Almost overtaking me
But will stand and say goodbye
For you'll never be mine
Until you know the way
It feels to fly

**
**

So flutter through the sky
Butterfly
Fly
Spread your wings and fly
Butterfly

9:55 pm

Thursday, November 01, 2007

in conjunction with Backstreet Boys' new album, Unbreakable, (and many many more) here's one of their top singles:

Inconsolable by Backstreet Boys

I close the door
Like so many times, so many times before
Filmed like a scene on the cutting room floor
I wanna let you walk away tonight
Without a word

I try to sleep, yeah
But the clock is stuck on thoughts of you and me
A thousand more regrets unraveling, ohh
If you were here right now, I swear
I'd tell you this

**Baby I don't want to waste another day
Keeping it inside is killing me
'Cause all I ever want, it comes right down to you, to you
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable

I climb the walls, yeah
I can see the edge but I can't take the fall, no
I memorized the number
So why can't I make the call?
Maybe 'cause I know you'll always be with me
In the possibility

**
No no no
I don't wanna be like this
I just wanna let you know
Everything that I hold in
Is everything I can't let go
Can't let go, yeah

**
Don't you know it baby
I don't wanna waste another day
I wish that I could find the words to say
Baby I would tell you every time you leave
I'm inconsolable
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, oh
I'm inconsolable, woah yeah
I'm inconsolable, yeah
________________________________
Backstreet's back, alright!!

10:19 pm

to debbie: it was pretty fun at BK today and queensway yesterday! <33

to vaish (i know you won't be reading this, Bean) : fine, i agree with you for once that BSB songs are depressing. but they are nice.

(Star Wars theme song)
In a galaxy, far far away.......

3 heroes will rise.. 3 unsuspecting heroes will come together to battle the Dark Side..or did they join them?
but anyway, The Glers are:
- Peter Parking = was the guy who park your cars. promoted himself to become parking attendant. in the day he parks cars and sells coupons. at night, he transforms into Spider-Rid and saves the world. but apparently he's now looking for a costume, but he has no idea where to find it. but he can always swing by little adi's house and borrow his mask.

- TupaiUmai = her secret weapon is the malay fermented glutinous rice called Tapai. blessed with her evil "nyehehehe" laughter that will scare any villians away, and an amazing agility (both in her words and her actions.. kata tupai apa..), villians will chicken out before they can even say "Chip and Dale". currently she has no mask, but 'proudly' wears her heavily-equipped blazer.

- FikaPika = reluctantly thrown into the Pokemon world after TupaiUmai was inspired by her A Maths class at her school. was retrenched from the Pokemon centre. Nurse Joy took her back in after her assistant Chansey quitted. with the ability to control any Pikachus in the world, she has mastered the ability to zap people with her lightning bolts. and no, she's not going to evolve into Raichu any day.

10:19 pm

half the people in my life don't even know me for who i am. seriously. they always have some form of misconception, although some of them may know me for months or years. they say you don't judge a book by its cover. guess what? don't judge a book by its content page either. because its content may not tally.

but sometimes, when you want to let your true self be shown to certain people, it just becomes so difficult because there's never the chance. it's like there's a thousand stuffs that you hide away deep within yourself but you want to let it out to some people, but you just can't. it just ain
t easy. tak mudah, dan pedih rasanya bila orang yang ingin kita luahkan segalanya pada menganggap kita tidak wujud, memandang tembus diri kita, walhal pada dialah yang ingin kita tunjukkan diri yang sebenar.

12:12 am

TupaiUmai: thanks girl for the songs, and your perasan alter ego. i think i dah tak nak kasi you makan tapai aje.. kesian i tengok you. i belikan you kacang putih, nak? boleh tapau, simpan dalam kocek.
___________________________________________________________________
i'm not in the mood. i'm like doing my maths rather droningly. iow, i'm not thinking - just do.

nowadays a lot of songs just seem to make sense. either they reflect me, my life or they have those advertisement songs-lyrics like those in Remember The Name by Fort Minor:

it's ten percent luck, twenty percent skill,
fifteen percent concentrated power of will,
five percent pleasure, fifty percent pain,
a hundred percent waiting - so remember the name!

these sort of stuffs you won't quite get it by typing it out. talking doesn't help once in a while. it can only be thought about. i guess i'd better hit the sack now; i do not want that frightening experience of blacking out in the train again. but there's one thing that i learned from that this morning - self-reliance. (and no, im not doing a Social Studies recap here).

one more thing. can all those peeps shut the trap? otherwise i'll zap you all with my lightning strike and make you all burnt like a super-tanned Raichu. thank you.

12:09 am

the one

Nur Syafiqah Ahmad Jaaffar ex-WGPS 6E'04 Crescent Girl's School syaf_316@hotmail.com

be sorted @ nimbo.net

tell me the truth

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