Wednesday, October 31, 2007

this song was like so last 2 years, and i just got the song a few days back. rather passe, but whatever lah.

Without You by Clay Aiken ft. Kimberly Locke

Never even thought to cry
When I heard you say goodbye
Never said where you were going
There's no laughter in the air
Only silence everywhere
And so much left unspoken

Since you've been gone
I haven't been the same
I wish that I could see
Who's to blame

CHORUS
Without you, where do I belong?
Without you, how can I go on?
No love but yours will ever do
Tell me how am I supposed to live my life without you?

Was I lost in you and me
To the point I couldn't see
That what we had was dying
Now it's all that I can do
To see photographs of you
And stop myself from cryin'

I should learn to live without your love
Got so many memories, but it's not enough

CHORUS

I feel helpless and oh so all alone
Like I've never felt before
You made me feel alive
But I don't remember what it's like anymore

CHORUS
______________________________________________
i know some people have been like laughing about what i've been blogging about. ok lah, fine. it's cheesy. but wait till you experience it.
till then, if you ain't happy, talk to the hand. if you're still not happy, like what the ikan bilis lah right, talk to the feet.

9:57 pm

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

i came across this while music-surfing.

Sealed With A Kiss by Brian Hyland

remember the tune? i like it. it's so sweet.

Have You Ever? by Brandy

the MV is a bit too pink, but it's the song that matters.

you know, old songs can be so sweet to listen to? and the best thing is that they are timeless.
_________________________________________________________________
i just miss you so much

11:32 pm

Monday, October 29, 2007

i tried hard not to..but i just kept missing you so much.
i'm at loss. what am i supposed to do? how am i going to last the weeks?

a timeless piece by Rick Price.. but adjust the 3rd person sing. accordingly..

Heaven Knows by Rick Price

She's always on my mind
From the time I wake up,
Till I close my eyes.
She's everywhere I go
She's all I know.
And though she's so far away,
It just keeps getting stronger everyday
And even now she's gone
I'm still holding on
So tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

Chorus:
Maybe my love will come back someday
Only heaven knows
And maybe our hearts will find a way
But only heaven knows
And all I can do is hope & pray
'Coz heaven knows.

My friends keep telling me
That if you really love her,
You've gotta set her free
And if she returns in time
I'll know she's mine
But tell me, where do I start
'Coz it's breakin' my heart
Don't wanna let her go

(Repeat Chorus except last line)

Bridge:
'Coz heaven knows
Why I live in despair
'Coz wide awake or dreamin',
I know she's never there
And all the time I act so brave,
I'm shakin' inside
Why does it hurt me so?

(Repeat Chorus)
Heaven knows... heaven knows.

9:37 pm

dragged myself to reach school around 11.25am. ok, fine, i was nearly 30 minutes late for lesson and the last student to report for the lesson, but what the ikan bilislah. ran into denise at the corridor. haha. denise is so funny! she was like, "syafiqah! so late ah! tsktsk!" then we walked up to the PAT and talked about some random stuffs. then sat with ferind and got really pissed by the people sitting at the back. if i had it my way, i'd have just stood up and yelled "woi! can shut up anot? you think this is what, your father's PAT issit? even if it is, but you don't want to listen, take your bags and get your a** out of the place lah. we won't lose anything one."

after that was boring boring english persuasive course. ended up having the paper conversation with ferind, jes lee, vaish and debbie to entertain ourselves.

then lunched with vaish and ferind. hahaha. we crapped and laughed so much until my hips hurt. then vaish had to tell ferind how the japanese pronounce their 'chicken' and then we kept repeating it until cannot tahan ready, so dang funnyy. and then while i was eating my zinger, suddenly jeng jeng jeng.. i saw farid's brother and his friends having their lunch at the table next to ours. at first i wasn't too sure, but then when i saw that the guy's face was a spitting image of rid, and his voice was near the same, it was like "confirm abang farid nii.." haha. then accompanied ferind to buy her Potato mag and saw a lot of the japanese fashion mags that i was eyeing for so long like Seventeen, Cawaii, JJ and Viva. then mrt-ed home. got a killer headache in the middle of the train ride, though.

you know the feeling when you've been out for so long then you're back and it's hell trying to fit back into things? it's annoying. seriously. not much on the sad part. more of annoyed and irritated. and then it's like, i've already picked myself up, breathed new humour into myself to the extent that i can't stand myself (chic-can.. huhuhu..guess what it actually is), fitting back in suddenly seems like something that i don't want to bother to do cos like wth, end up feeling like lamp-post. that's why they said that life ain't easy, and every experience that we go through in life makes us a stronger person. experiences shaped me into who i am today. 5-6 years ago, i toughened my character up from the softie because of a major heartbreak. 8 months ago i learned to soften myself. 7 days ago i learned to rectify my life. and you know why my life is so complex, such that only me and a few people can truly understand it? cos it's my life, and cos this is me. take it or leave it.

on my way home, i just missed you so much. how am i gonna lead these weeks without you? but at least your smses yesterday and the days before gave me a reason to smile. maybe it's true; you're the key. i don't care what people say. let me listen to my heart.

9:37 pm

i need to get you out of my mind. seriously.

but here, a song..for you.

Have You Ever Been In Love by Westlife

In the morning light
Half awake and half asleep
Have you ever laid there thinking
Was it all a dream?
But you reach out and she's there
Every moment, everywhere
Have you ever been in love?

Have you ever felt
How far a heart can fall
Have you ever stayed up waiting
For a telephone call
Just to hear her say hello
Cause you miss each other so
Have you ever been in love?

** Have there been times to laugh
And times you really want to cry
Finding reasons to believe her
cause you'd die a little if she lied
And when in times of doubt
Have you ever tried to work it out
But still she leaves you wondering
What it's all about

And when she's far away
Have you ever felt the need to stray
And tried and then discovered
It just doesn't pay
Cause with her, you can be true
And with her, you can be you
Have you ever been in love?

**

And when the night comes down
Can you call your house a home
Do you dream you're still together
And wake up alone
Have you ever been in love
The way that I'm in love
Have you ever been in love?
Have you ever been in love?

12:56 am

Sunday, October 28, 2007

for once, let me feel truly happy after a very, very long time.

smsed _ in the late afternoon to wish happy birthday. then crapped for a while. argued about _'s age and whether we can start driving when we're 18. then had to stop cos don't want to intrude on the birthday celebrations (if any).

the events that happened during Jalan Raya 2007 with ex-WGPS kept replaying in my mind. hahaha. omg. they are just so so so sooooooo funnyyy! i miss them a lot a lot! i wish those primary school days could be relived and relived again! nothing beats those days, and their craziness!

so an ultra-special shoutout to my jalan raya peeps, consisting of
[farid, andika, zailan, yazid, norman, irfan azaman, aidil, syazwan, sarah, finna, syafiq saad, hambali, haziq hazwan (and hopefully i didn't miss out any names) ] :
thanks a lot a lot for the ultra-great jalan raya, guys! possibly it's the best jalan raya that i've ever been on, and being with you guys just make me miss you guys and the primary school days even more! <3333333 you all!
and make sure we keep this friendship going all the way till we're old and grey! haha! promise me, alright?

10:32 pm

continued jalan raya with some of the primary school peeps today. this time round, it was a smaller group and haziq and syafiq saad and hambali joined in. and here are the people who made it for Part 2 of Jalan Raya ex-WGPS 2007:

(back row, L-R: Syafiq Saad, Syazwan, Hambali, Haziq)

(seated, L-R: Sarah, Me, Irfan Azaman, Farid)

(at Cikgu Tuty's house)

hambali left after Cikgu Tuty's house, then there were 7 of us. so went to farid's house after that, spent about an hour plus there. haha. omg, we all totally kena goreng by his mum, who was advicing us about placing our studies first and don't look for boy/girlfriends at this age. haha. should have seen the guys' reaction.

after we ate the nuggets (ok, syafiq saad ate most of them..he ate 6!), we went to syazwan's house. along the way the guys saw a red ants nest and they were so fascinated by it. then at syazwan's house, i was mostly talking to haziq and letting him flip through my phone.

then at around 4pm we departed for irfan azaman's house. hahaha. his house was the best house of the day! his mum cooked fried mee bandung for us, and then syafiq was like, "eh, i can still put some more in my stomach lah!" and then we all cracked up. haha. i miss his funniness! after that we congregated in front of the PS2 set to play and watch Winning Eleven 8. it was so entertaining!! first game, it was irfan 1 haziq 0. then haziq and syafiq had to leave. so then it was irfan 5 syazwan 0, and me and farid were loao watching the game as wan crumbled. then it was syazwan vs farid, and i think it was 2-1 to syazwan, with the one consolation goal for farid being a stupid one. hahaha. it hit the post and was like trickling on the goal line before a player slid it into net - by chance. hahaha. after that, if i remember correctly, it was irfan 4 syazwan 0. and i was like, "eh, wan, what's this? what telah happen?" and wan was like, "i don't know lah!" hahaha. after that was me vs farid, i think. and wth, i lost 2-0 in the first half. i really should start playing it at home; my skills so rusty, want to use a more reactive metal like zinc also cannot. then my champion - wait, mine, irfan's and syazwan's champion - came to save the day: irfan's younger brother in Primary 2, haidi!

so now the fun started. haidi finished off the game for me and managed to pressurise farid in the game. hahaha. and he scored a beauty in the last few minutes! after that, it was a pure farid vs haidi. hahaha. before i elaborate, let me engrave something onto the metal scoreboard that i'm planning to get:

ETCHED IN HISTORY, HAIDI 5 FARID 0

hahahaha. it was kick-off, and in the first attack, around the 3rd minute, Haidi scored. and put pressure on farid. then he scored again in the 24th minute. hahaha. then he dropped another bomber one minute later. and it was 3-0 at half-time. whoots! the fourth and fifth goals came swiftly in the second half. hahaha. we were aiming for haidi to get a six, but time was up. hahahahaha. omg, it was so funny!!! we kept telling haidi, "don't worry. don't give chance. just go and score. don't worry about abang farid; he will never score one." hahaha. and it came true. whoots! throughout the game we kept teasing farid, telling him stuffs like "amalkan selalu eh (do that always, ok)?" and we continued with syafiq's egging him on about him being the youngest. hahahaha. at the end of the game farid was like laughing and tearing cos of too much laughter over his pai seh-ness at losing to a P2 kid. hahahaha! omg it was sooo funny!! and irfan was like throwing funny, joking slightly insulting comments that had me and wan adding on.

after that i had to go off although i was reluctant to. hahaha. they are sooo funny! thinking back about all these jokes and funny stuffs make me miss them and their funniness a lot!

i heart you all a lot a lot a lot! haha.

P/S: sorry eh rid, kalau tersinggung perasaan. main-main aje lahh.. jangan kecil hati, okay? nanti bila-bila The Glers keluar, okay? ajak wan ke ziq ke anak pak saad sekali...

___________________________________________________________

happy birthday _. i'm glad you like it (:

never once were you totally out of mind in the days. sometimes i see stuffs, and it'll remind me of you. sometimes i feel like hanging out with other guys, but i'll just go back to you.

i love you. if only that can be my birthday present for you.

but making you smile is perhaps the least that i can do.

And when she's far away

Have you ever felt the need to stray

And tried and then discovered

It just doesn't pay

Cause with her, you can be true

And with her, you can be you

Have you ever been in love?

~ Have You Ever Been In Love - Westlife

1:11 pm

Saturday, October 27, 2007

went jalan raya with the primary school peeps. gathered at my house around 4 plus, then left for sarah's house nearing 5. after that was andika's house. we somehow overstayed there cos it was just so nice to hang out in, and the guys were entertaining us by playing Winning Eleven 8 on dika's XBox. played and helped rid to take snapshots of him and andika's youngest brother, adiputra. haha. adi is just so cute.

then there was the funnyaye taxi-searching incident. haha. sarah and finna were adamant to take the bus, but then the whole lot of us were adamant to take taxis there. so we split into 2 halves, 5-5: dika, rid, zailan, norman and irfan azaman in one group; me, wan, yazid, sarah and finna in the other group. then we waited and waited for the taxis to come but they're either busy, hired or off to ang mo kio. so wan decided that we should walk down the road further. guess what? we managed to get a taxi on a deserted street. haha. all 5 of us piled into the taxi and i think we didn't give the driver a chance to tell us that they don't take 5 people. so off we were to zailan's house. along the way, there was this car next to our taxi where the driver was driving and headbanging - we ended up loao in the taxi. then wan contacted farid (and sort of played around with his weirdly entertaining message tone) to find out whether they manage to get a taxi. farid said no, how about us. wan said that we were still waiting for a taxi, although we were already in the taxi and halfway to our destination. haha. it was fun for a while. until we reached zailan's block and realised we'd have to wait for them to arrive. and we waited for a very very very long time. we reached his block at around 8.15pm - they came at 8.50pm.
then irfan azaman related to us what actually happened. they hailed 3 taxis but all the taxis refused to accept 5 passangers. until there was this driver.. irfan was already sitting inside and all the rest were about to. when suddenly the driver told them he doesn't take 5 passangers. cos they were tired, sleepy and very pissed at the driver, they were very direct - too direct and polite in fact - in the way they shouted some very not nice words at the driver before they got off and slammed the door shut. haha. after that, they finally got a taxi when we've already reached and was waiting.
after zailan's house, went to norman's house and yazid's house. norman's house was nicely decorated, and there were two especially nice paintings. apparently norman's dad bought them when he was working in the Middle East. the journey and the staying at yazid's house was funny. at that point, all of us were sleepy and tired. like wan said, if yazid's house got cushion... haha. but rid said, i wanna get my forty winks at yazid's house.

after that we sent each other home. i was the last to be sent home. thanks alot dika (although you ran to hide behind me when you saw the dog.. as if i'm not scared of it either), zailan (for being and entertaining company) and aidil (for bothering to walk all the way).

some of the pics:

spider-adi (the cute one) and spider-rid (the..errr.. weird one)

rid was teaching adi something (shh.. won't tell).. and then we all cracked up

me and adi.. with his older brother andika in the background

adiputra and andika

(andika taught him that annoying pose)

1:25 am

Thursday, October 25, 2007

last day of school today, and it was a bore 95% of the time. didn't have MT, so hung around with the higher malay peeps at the library reading Women's Weekly (cos somebody snapped the Cleo mag) and wrote a note. biology was pretty entertaining, although i discovered something more weird about myself. apparently my heartbeat rate at rest is 95 bpm, which is the heartbeat that people expects when they exercise. sathiya's was a bit normal. then seeing that our results are funny, we err..switched the results around. but anyway, nobody but me, sathiya and olga knows, so shh.. recess was spent eating with sathiya, then discussing about live the dream with jes lee, and uhh.. trying to 'bully' vaish but the opposite happened. haiz..what to do, i'm too nice. haha.. and oh, we talked about Utt too, but figured out might as well leave him to ziying. haha. then sam came in and she was like, "eh, ytd you stalked me at JP huhh.." cos me, ferind and sath ran into her there after our late lunch. haha. cme was spent finishing my SPA Skill 3 aka copy the stuffs from Olga cos i had no idea how to do it. then there was clean-and-green. haha. omg that is totally the It can? it was the most slackest C&G day i've ever done. the only tiring thing that me and mich did was carrying a whole stack of unwanted booklets from class to GO to the recycling bin at the art gallery, and waiting to hand in the report books to ljw. then had history extra lesson, and that was super fun cos it was about the Cold War. and i learned about the Iron Curtain. first time i hear you can make curtains out of iron. but eh, obviously it's not true cos i'm BS-ing again. whoots. then there was intensive HML and although it was fun, i got so sleepy halfway + the rest were also super sleepy so we called it a day like 35 minutes earlier? haha. then had instant noodles with nasuha and rayhana cos we were too hungry to even think. ran into viv, sam, shijia and their friend at redhill mrt and mrt-ed home with them. i was like half-asleep standing, but i tried hard to stay awake cos dropping unconscious asleep on other passangers is very unglam. how i know? cos i went through it before. haha. i know. totally PS.

i am soo sleepy now.. haha.. wait, i've been sleepy since 9 hours ago. haha. wth sia. still can blog. tsktsk. fiqah fiqah.. ish3..

i think i'd better hit the sack now. cos i think i'm coming down with a fever soon. (but if it's during the hol classes, why not? haha..)

it was nice to see that smile back on your face, wonderful to realise that deep down you've never really changed.. you're still you.. and i'm just so thankful to Allah for that.

to debbie: (so the rest no need kpo..unless your head got insurance lah)
i was quite surprised when you told me that _ smsed you to say sth like my gift was what _ was looking for. i thought when _ smsed me to say the whole thanks thingey and that it was very nice, _ was just being appreciative. i didn't expect it.

and maybe now i'm just so relieved that there's still a trace of the old _ in _ . i guess that's one of the best things i can ever ask for now, perhaps the only thing that i could ever ask for now. cos although _ may have changed, there's still the old _ in _ that i fell for.

but don't worry, i'm ok (: trust me. haha.

i'm in a decent mood now. so here's a song that i heard on the radio entitled Keranamu Kekasih(Because of you my love).. it's the OST of the musical Puteri Gunung Ledang and it's sung by Vince Chong (he's the guy who sang Breaking Free Asian version). it's very sweet (: ask me for the lyrics translations. haha.

this is one of my fave.. from taufik batisah entitled Usah Lepaskan (Don't Let It Go)

11:37 pm

it sux knowing that there's something wrong with you but not knowing it at the same time.

Shoutouts:
ferind and sathiya: it was an entertaining late lunch at Banquet. and Jap food was coolio. but it was super filling lah.

shijia: thanks for wanting to listen to some part of it. <3

humaira: my partner in crime, memang betul cakap kau. kita yang berlebih..hehe.. and yes, why don't the Glers have an outing to the esplanade? very romantic.

ziying: woman, you are so damn funny lah. you and your utt and your thambelina. haha. thanks for the entertaining msn chat. don't be so obsessed about your utt. and he's 34, not 44. haha.

Fendi and By Definition: congrats guys for winning Live The Dream. Fendi, love ya voice. By Def, keep on rockin' and keep that attitude alive ya.

_: you won't be reading this. but just know this: i care about you. maybe i don't show it, and maybe i have absolutely no idea what's going on. but i should have trusted my gut feelings back then. i should have listened to it back then when i sensed that something was wrong. maybe if i had, things won't be so blurry for me. because with the way you are now, not only are you worrying me, you are scaring me. because i just don't know who you are now. and i'm at loss.

12:15 am

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

i was right, wasn't i? you've changed so much, i don't even know you anymore. why?

ever since... i don't know whether you changed during that period, but in the end i just don't know you anymore. you're no longer you. i know you but you're like a complete stranger. where did the person i fell in love with go?

on one hand i'm just so mad at you for changing so much, for making me hurt by your change, i feel like beating the crap out of you. but on the other hand i'm just so hurt, so lost. i just don't get it. you're not the you that i knew, the one i fell in love with; you're...... i don't know you anymore.

maybe literally you're there, but you're gone.

I can't take it
What am I waiting for?
My heart's still breaking
I miss you even more
And I can't fake it
The way I could before
I hate you but I love you
I can't stop thinking of you
~ Stuck by Stacie Orrico

I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
~ Where'd You Go by Fort Minor

where has the one i loved gone?

8:28 pm

messages first.
debbie: happy birthday dearie (:
hope you enjoy your birthday bash wherever it is with whoever lah. haha. love ya.

BC: sorry again y'all if i'm like being a very, very inactive member. love y'all.

humaira/farid: dah dah. jangan gaduh-gaduh lagi. peter parking, jangan asyik MC jerr. nanti umai potong gaji kang baru tahu. umai, jangan lupa uniform baru peter parking (importnye seyy) kalau tak, kesian dia kena recycle vest road monitor wgps.

farid: don't worry bro. pedulikan si diatu. just be happy with yr mary jane watsons store, alrite? that's the most important. me, umai and yang lain-lain akan selalu ada untuk kau.
________________________________________________________________
truth be told, i wasn't quite in the mood today. but managed to push it all aside in school and kept myself entertained with my friends.

so.. yeah. like that lah.

8:28 pm

I Really Miss You by S Club 7

I called you today just to hear you say
You were not around
When the message was through, though I wanted to
I couldn't make a sound

I wanna tell you the things I've seen
I wanna take you to where I've been
And I wish you were here with me
Don't you know

I really miss you - yes I do - yeah
I really miss you
Ohhhh yeah I do

I'm writing to say I had a wonderful day
Hangin' with my friends
But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies
I'm alone again

I wanna tell you the weather is fine
When the night comes around you were on my mind
And I wish you were here with me
Don't you know

I really miss you - yes I do - yeah
I really miss you - yes I do - I miss you
I really miss you
Ohhhh yeah I do

I wanna tell you the things I've seen
I wanna take you to where I've been
And I wish you were here with me
Oh, don't you know

I really miss you - yes I do - yeah
I really miss you - I miss you

I called you today just to hear you say
You were not around
When the message was through, though I wanted to
I couldn't make a sound
I'm writing to say I had a wonderful day
Hangin' with my friends
But the memory dies as the sun reach the skies
I'm alone again

8:28 pm

Monday, October 22, 2007

i keep on waiting although i really shouldn't. because you're there, then you're gone.
aku sebal deh.. benar-benar sebal sebab aku gak mengerti ngapa kamu nggak pernah coba untuk menunjukkan kepada aku kalau kamu risaukanku meskipun itulah kenyataannya.

went to school today. my eyes hurt like hell. i swear that i can somehow feel that my upper lashline was puffy cos it felt so dry and hurts a lot. and nobody had eyedrop so i had to use a makeshift eyedrop with water. didn't quite help cos it just ended up being dry again.

a part of me is fed-up with you, but the other part of me never once stopped caring for you.

wasn't really paying attention to any of the lessons. so manage to find my own space in between. during the e maths mass lesson, i guess i have to give a big shout-out to ferind for entertaining me. paper chatroom session did make me smile.

during HML intensive, got the news that Cikgu Kartinie has given birth to a baby girl. the whole group of us HML students were cheering so loudly we almost got kicked out of the library. planned to pay her a visit tomorrow. Congratulations Cikgu!

everytime a part of me gets fed-up with waiting, another part of me will just insist to carry on waiting. i'm sorry if i appeared to be pissed with you - i'm not. aku cuma sebal ngapa hanya aku yang harus dekatin kamu untuk curhat segalanya dan bukan kamu yang cuba ambil tahu.

Salahkah bila diriku terlalu mencintaimu.
Jangan tanyakan mengapa
Karena aku tak tau.
Aku pun tak ingin bila
kau pergi tinggalkan aku.
~ Salahkah Aku Terlalu Mencintaimu oleh RATU
____________________________________
Is it wrong of me to love you too much.
Don't ask me why
Because I don't know.
I also don't want it when
you go away, leaving me here.
~ Is It Wrong Of Me To Love You Too Much by RATU

9:53 pm

Sunday, October 21, 2007

why do i still dream of you at night?

everytime i try to take a stand at all
i see your face again and i fall
==
but we can't change the way we feel inside
==
we both know it's better if we just let it go
~ One Last - Taufik

everyday i keep telling myself to get over you, but i just fall deeper for you. every breath i take was meant to let go of it all, but more of the memories gets drawn in. every night i keep telling myself not to cry, but i always succumb to it.
how can i drag myself to be strong for your sake when you're my weakness?

11:38 pm

One Last by Taufik Batisah

I never could imagine, life without you
From the moment you walked into my world
Never knew how long a loving flame could burn
But losing you has forced me to learn

That we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus
One last kiss
One last touch
One last tender moment between us
One last dance
To our first song
While pretending there's nothing wrong
Let's stay here for a while and
Cherish every moment we're in denial
We both know
It's better if we just let it go

Every time I try to take a stand at all
I see your face again and I fall
In the middle of the night there's the scent of a rose
The smell of your perfume I suppose

But we can't change the way we feel inside
And every try at love never turns out right
We both know it's better if we just let it go
So let's have

Chorus

Baby if we met each other under a different sky
Maybe then things would be much better between you and I
We could always hold on to this one special thing we share
But it would be too much for us to hear

So let's have

Chorus

We both know
It's better if we just let it go
____________________________________
my eyes are hurting from crying the whole of last night to sleep. i tried and tried to get you out of my mind. but you kept slipping into my mind, and i kept missing you.

1:28 am

look at the makeup skills, not the..uhh.. model. featuring Barbie Loves MAC products.

1:28 am

Saturday, October 20, 2007

says everything that i want to say.

(Translation for Usah Lepaskan by Taufik Batisah)
Don't Let It Go by Taufik Batisah

The most beautiful thing
is there on your lips
I've never seen you smile that way for me
has my love gone dry, you had to run to him
it sounds wonderful and nice
the future he's promising you

(Chorus)
Don't leave me here all alone
Don't give your heart away to him
Don't leave me standing here
Alone waiting with nothing

Don't ever let go of my hand
Don't throw everything away
Don't forget the way we felt
The first time we met

Don't let it go

(Bridge)
It's hard for me to just forget about us
I only wish to always be with you

(chorus)

I don't care what the reason is
you should be together with him
And I don't even care if the heavens don't agree
You and me should still be in love

Don't let it go
Don't let it go
___________________________________
today was one of those days where i can no longer hide behind the wall and rein in my emotions. i woke up feeling quite tired and my eyes hurt from breaking down the night before. assembly was farewell assembly for mrs lee. that only provided me an avenue to let some tears fall without being so obvious about it. the rest of the day, i was just trying hard to control myself. maybe i let myself cry secretly in the middle of the school day, but otherwise i need that strong facade.

i somehow got the feeling that you were there, just that you didn't want your presence to be known.
i don't want to worry you anymore, but at the same time i want to go to you to let as much of it out. your mere presence there just now was enough to console me. it was all that i need.

12:35 am

Unofficial Review for Taufik Batisah's new album Teman Istimewa

bought fik's new album today straight away after school, after umai sms-ed me and totally made me jealous with her taufik poster (bekas matair aku tauu.. tapi takpelah kan, dah jadi suami kau. haizz.. taufikk..)

anyway, listened to the whole CD twice, and i absolutely love it! maybe some of the songs are just the malay versions of some of his past english songs, but the way he carried these songs were just great! i think i like the malay versions better!

Untukmu (For You), the opening track, was the malay version of First, but it took me some time to recognise it because i was just amazed by the song. Teman Istimewa (Special Friend) was just sooo cute, especially the parts where Taufik 'spoke' into the phone to his 'special friend'. Usah Lepaskan (Don't Let Go), his previous malay hit, was given a new life with a special acoustic version. i was blown away. his voice sounds much, much better and the way the song was sang made it more sweeter than the original. and the original itself was very, very sweet that some people were so touched by it when they first heard it that they cried.

it's a lovely album, seriously. i'm not saying this just because i'm a Taufik fan, but this album is one of his best albums to date. just like All Because Of You, Teman Istimewa has Taufik stamped all over it from the voice to the composer to the producer.

Teman Istimewa is now sold in all CD-Rama outlets and priced at $16.95.

12:35 am

Thursday, October 18, 2007

got back the rest of my fye results today. was quite pleased overall, although i think bio sort of spoiled it a little. the rest was kinda unexpected, in a good way. then had ice-cream with vivien and teran on the way home. ran into aleena and some of the LD girls at cheers, but i think they pretty much close one eye on the three of us - plus para, so that's four - giving the LD session a miss. to put it simply, we weren't quite in the mood to audition for the VJC drama audition thingey.

to be honest, i don't even know what i'm doing with my life nowadays. maybe i'm trying to rebuild it. but after de-socialising for quite some time, the whole re-socialising concept seems weird and pretty stiff. sometimes i don't even know what to talk about to the people around me, or my friends even. sure, i can just sit one corner and let my life eff the hell outta itself, but what gain is that gonna bring me? at times i get fed-up with the whole "i don't have anything to talk about" thing that it irritates the hell outta me. so that's why nowadays i talk about general stuffs (excluding the weather cos i never care much about it.. and besides, that topic is reserved for debbie) and even if it comes to my personal stuff, it's just a matter of touch-and-go.

i've failed, am failing and still failing in trying to get over you. suddenly i just miss you so much..
i guess i miss talking to you. knowing that there's someone who can understand me and talk me round when things aren't going right. making me smile and laugh again. there's a bunch of stuffs, some explainable, some not. but when i tire from hiding behind the brick wall of life, you're the only one i can turn to, the only one i want to turn to...

Salah Jatuh Cinta oleh Agnes Monica

Kau seperti cermin
Yang tekah usang dan berdebu
Sebarkan noda di hati ku
Berkalang awan kelabu di sini

Ku seperti kapas
Yang putih lemah dan terkulai
Meratapi cinta yang hitam
Ku jatuh cinta, jatuh cinta yang salah

(Korus)
Bersama mu serasi
Hati dan cinta ku bernyawa
Namun mengapa barulah kini
Ku bertemu dengan mu
Ku tak sendiri dan kau telah berdua

Ku sering menatap awan
Andai ku bisa jadi burung
Bisa hinggap di mana saja
Setiap saat bisa melihat kau dengannya
Getir...
_________________________________
Falling For The Wrong Love by Agnes Monica

You are like a mirror
That never becomes old and dusty
Spreading dirt on my heart
Cushioned by the grey clouds here

I'm like cotton
that's white, weak and flailing
crying over the dark love
i've fallen in love, fallen for the wrong love

(Chorus)
Together you're compatible
My heart and love are alive
But why is it that only now
I found you
I'm not alone and you're with her

I always gaze at the clouds
If I could be a bird
Able to perch anywhere
Able to see you with her every second
How it hurts...

while i'm tired of pretending, it's something i'll have to carry on doing to hide my weakness.

8:43 pm

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

i tried hard not to break down today but i did. but at least it was during the free period, not before. there's a line in the song 'My Heart' that went, "If we love somebody could we be this strong.." My answer? yes, and no. yes because it helps you find your inner strength that maybe you never knew about. no because.. it can also be your ultimate weakness.

i've been trying very hard to get over you. sometimes i think that i'm trying too hard. but why is it that the more i try to get over you, the deeper i fall for you? why is it that you're the only one that can really put back the smile on my lips, make me laugh even though you're the same reason i'm crying? i want you but i don't want you in my life at the same time. sometimes i just hate you for making me feel this way. but other times, i just can't stop myself from falling for you.

tak sanggup aku kehilangan...

sometimes i wonder, am i wrong for loving you like this? my friends have moved on, healed back their hearts. but why am i still struggling to get over you?

maybe i shouldn't even try. maybe i should just let my heart decide.
if it still refuses to push you away, then what am i to do? i can't keep on lying to myself, telling myself i'm over you when deep down, when i'm all alone and faced with only my own reflection, i know i'm not. i know i still love you.

ku mencintaimu sedalam-dalam hatiku
meskipun tiada satu orang pun yang tahu...

ily. maybe that's all that needed to be acknowledged.

11:04 pm

i came across this song when i was surfing through taufik's website.
guess it sort of struck a chord. but the 'she' and 'her' can be changed.

Let Her Go by Taufik Batisah

Let it go
I know it's what I got to do
Getting around this life
Being without you
I can find no words

Let you know
This feeling that just burns inside
I need you by my side
Emotions I just can't hide... no

Now the page has turned
What I've lost, he's earned
Even though I've learnt
What's the use now
I've got to let her go

(Chorus)
You never believe what you got till it's gone
And it feels surreal
How could you ever be done with love
When must the feeling ever this easy?

You never believe that
She would take off and leave you
When you need her most
What can you do if she tells you no
There's nothing to do
Well I guess I got to

I know that things were said and done
Left cause I'm the one
Who wish you would return
But this would never work

I was crazy to think
You would take me back
After how I treated you
I'll never bring you back
I want you back

I know that things were said and done
Left cause I'm the one
Who wish you would return
But this would never work

I should have cherish the love you gave in me
Now it's out of my hands
I know I gotta let her go

Chorus

(Bridge)
You got to treat your baby right
Before you know it she's gonna let you go
Don't give in to fears and swallow your pride
If you know what's good for you
Don't ever believe she wouldn't
Leave you for somebody else
If she does move on, let her go

You gotta let her go

Chorus

11:04 pm

just some messages for a few people.

farid: tahniah di atas ahem ahem tu. haha. orang beraya dapat kuih raya, duit raya, dia beraya dapat buah hati baru nampaknya. here's to wishing you and her all the best in the course of the relationship. kalau ada batu, perlahan-lahan angkat.. jangan main lebur dengan bom atau bazooka aje. and jaga hati dia betul-betul tau. haha. anw, hopefully things will sail smoothly for you two!

humaira: umai umai, kita set kan plan untuk outing kita bertemu dengan suami-suami kau dan matair lama aku kat esplanade eh? konsert SingaRaya, 8 november, 8 malam di dewan konsert Esplanade. sekejap, aku nak advertise concert ni dulu:

SingaRaya concert, a Hari Raya concert with a twist. hosted by Najip Ali and Era Farida, expect well-acclaimed singers like Taufik Batisah, Hady Mirza and Aliff Aziz singing the songs that have made it through to the finals of the Hari Raya song-writing competition organised by Esplanade. standard tickets are sold at $30, $50 and $70. visit http://www.esplanade.com/ for more details.

taufik batisah fans aka Fiknatics: taufik's new album, Teman Istimewa, is now sold in all CD-Rama stores islandwide. hurry to the nearest outlet to grab the album and show your support for Taufik!

11:04 pm

i don't know whether i'm doing the right thing, making myself put on a front to all the people around me. but it makes me feel better to see them not worry too much about me. i know some people may think i'm avoiding them, or running away from them. that's not the case. i just don't want to reveal too much. i think it's enough.

i'm trying to get over you, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can really put a smile to my lips and make me forget about all my troubles. it's just your presence there and the support that just... to put it simply, i don't have the heart to disappoint you.

when i was about to sleep last night, images of you just flashed into my mind seamlessly, and it was as if every single memory was dredged out. it was pleasant and hurting at the same time; i don't know how i managed to smile and hold back the tears at the same time.

sometimes i think it's a vicious cycle - i keep falling for you day in and out. the moment i fall out, i just fall back in. i don't like to admit it, but i sort of knew when it started. it wasn't sudden; it was gradually when i came to learn who you really are.

call me foolish, accepting reality and letting you go, but still loving you as before. there's only so much you can ask for in life. you don't own someone because you love them; you let them go because you love them. maybe that's a wrong philosophy for me to hold on to. but that's how i am. sometimes i think i'm too selfless, but i can't help it; this is me.

it always hurt to love someone and lose them, whether it's literally or you have to let them go. but it's better than never to have loved at all. there's a tinge of serenity when you see the person you love happy with their life. i'd call the feeling syahdu in malay; can't quite find the english word.

i don't want to let you go, but i admit defeat, i know i have to. because that's only fair for you and me.

12:06 am

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

recalled about the upcoming Pesta Raya 2007 that will take place between 2-11 Nov. basically it's a Malay arts festival, ranging from dance to theater starring top actors from malaysia and singapore to concerts by well-acclaimed local malay singers like Taufik Batisah, Hady Mirza, Aliff Aziz, Imran Ajmain, Norfasarie. and there's concession for students, with most tickets priced at $25.

i'm torn between Hitam Dan Putih – a Malay Music Retrospective concert, SingaRaya concert and Wangi Jadi Saksi. wonder which one i should go for. (umai, nak ikut?)

and my pri sch friends settled for a date for us to go jalan raya: 26 and 27 Oct. so yepps, those two dates are booked.

10:38 pm

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Termenung ku sendiri
Memendam rindu tidak menentu
==
Di pagi hari raya
Hati sayu mengenang dirimu
==
Keampunan ku pohon
Sekiranya aku yang berdosa
Pulanglah ku merindui mu sayang
Ku menanti dengan jiwa raga

~Pulanglah oleh Aishah

Di Lebaran berkerdipan
Terpancar sinar cahaya hari mulia
Namun ku di ambang sepi
Mendung menyelubungi
Syawal ku yang kembali
Bagaikan tidak berereti
~ Di Pinggiran Aidilfitri oleh 2D

entah mengapa tatkala terdengar seruan takbir semalam dan pagi tadi, ku merinduimu. entah mengapa sehari ini ku hanya terfikirkanmu. aku teringin sekali engkau berada di sisiku pada hari raya ini. namun sayang, keinginan dan harapan ini hanya tinggal abun-abun yang takkan terjadi biarpun ku menanti di sini selamanya.

_____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

okay, ignore the emo part above. i will try to get over it once hari raya is over, just as i promised you. that's the very least i can do cos i get worried once you worry about me. because no matter what happens, i still care for you..

one thing that makes hari raya so enjoyable for us schoolkids is the 'payment' that we get. i've counted mine and it was pretty unexpected. but anyway, let's put that matter aside. the more fun part is after the month of Syawal aka the month for hari raya is over, then we sit down on our bed and lay out all the packets and start counting. "eh, got 10 in here lah!" "fuhlamak, got 5 in here!" "eh eh, what's your total ah? haha.. i got more than you!" hahaha. guess lah what i'm referring to.. hehehe.

went to my step-cousin's house today (cos my late grandma married twice). Abang Hafiz.. take care of yourself lah, please. see lah, now NS kena something like de-ranked ready. so yeah. went to his house and chatted with him, my uncle and their maid for about an hour plus. turns out my uncle may be relocated to Labuan, then to Dubai for his work (currently he's based in China). Abang Hafiz's cousin was also there, and like my uncle, he's also based all over the world. currently he's in SG to report for reservist duty, but otherwise he's based in Amsterdam. i was like, whoaa! interesting, but i don't think i can bear to be apart that long with my family. especially if i'm married with kids. i'll be worried sick in some part of the world about my family in the other end of the world. heck, i don't think i can even bear to leave my parents and my brother to study overseas. but if circumstances are unforgiving, i guess i have no choice.

then went to my aunt Cik Lili's house. watched some funny 'horror' flick with my cousins, Siti and Ridhuan. played congkak with Siti and let her win. stayed there from 7 plus all the way to 9 plus. haha. as usual, we were chaotic. here are some pics:

haha.. cute ritee she?? haha (:

the.. ahem.. shot in the mirror. forgot the lights.

end of the day, the makeup still stays.. haha

11:31 pm

there is one thing that i don't quite like about coming home so late at night, or at midnight: i won't be able to sleep after my shower. but i need the shower to freshen up and remove any hidden traces of my makeup! but then i won't be able to sleep. so that's why i'm blogging at past 1am when i should be smacked flat in my bed with exhaustion.

first day of hari raya today! my cousin came over around 2 plus. then they stayed until around 4. after that, i got ready to leave for my grandma's house. i was sort of rushed to get ready, so my makeup had to be kept to a bare minimal. i didn't get a chance to take a snapshot of the nicely, freshly done makeup, but i got a snapshot of how tired someone who had gone off to jalan raya all the way till midnight looks like. but i'll upload that some other day. anyway, stayed at my grandma's house from around 5 to 7pm. after that had to flag a taxi all the way till 7.30pm. then cabbed to my uncle's house and reached there at around 8pm. stayed there, ate, drank and whatnot all the way till 11pm. turns out that another of my uncle came over to the house as well at around 10pm. so i guess you can imagine how delayed our leave was.

i think i'm gonna gain the 2 kilos that i lost during the fasting month in just 1 week. scary right, how easy it is to put on weight. but whatever lah, as long as i'm healthy, i don't bother much about it.

you know, i just took a look at my calender today, and i think i'll have to start confirming with the various people their plans because otherwise.. whoo-lamak.. kecoh beb. plans can collide into one another, and who'll be in trouble? me lah, cos then i'll be sitting down there in my room wondering what to do.

so anw, just a rough plan of how my holidays may shape up:
- end of october to mid november, i am reserving it for hari raya. ok, actually, i'm just waiting when The Glers want to jalan raya. this year, i promise, i'll jalan raya with you all till the last house. even if it ends at midnight. seriously. even if there's 20 houses to go to within 1 day, wth, let's just go for it!

- go out with umai and rid to makan and sightseeing at some faraway shopping centre. seoul garden for lunch ke.. apa ke.. just get back to me asap guys.

- go out with my crescentian girlfriends. i really feel bad about The Issue and how it's affecting me and you all. we'll go out soon, ok? <33 you all!
__________________________________________________________________
how do i forget you when i still dream of you everytime in my sleep? how do i forget you when you keep on sneaking into my mind everytime unexpectedly?

1:10 am

Friday, October 12, 2007

kepada semua saudara-mara dan sahabat-handai:
di ambang syawal ini, ku menyusun sepuluh jari memohon maaf setulus hati. sekiranya terkasar bahasa, tersilap kata, tersinggung perasaan dengan kata-kata mahupun tingkah laku.. ku mohon dimaafkan segala silap dan salah. selain itu, selamat menyambut lebaran!

kepada umai dan rid, sempena hari raya aidilfitri ini, ku dendangkan sebuah lagu ciptaan ahem ahem.. cik umai dan cik fiqah:

(mengikut irama Seloka Hari Raya nyanyian Uji Rashid & Hail Amir)
excitednya sungguh kita bertiga
nak keluar pergi outing bersama
farid nak tunaikan janji
janji untuk shopping dengan kita

farid nye sedang pening kepale
memilih spray gatsby yang colour apa
si fiqah pula sedang mencari
kasut dan beg dekat charles and keith
si umai lagi satu hal
keliling causeway cari benda white

(chorus)
marilah semua marilah ikut
pergi outing dengan The Glers
setiap lah sorang punye lah perangai
boleh bikin sakit lah jantung

hahaha. amacam? creative kan? ahaha. sorry yer rid. tak baik aku ni, baru minta maaf. hehe.
tapi psstt... umai, dia tak boleh nak bantah kan? hehe. apapun, aku mohon maaf sekali lagi, dan..jeng jeng jeng.. jangan lupa yerr rencana kita nak berjalan raya. haha. asalkan kita tak pakai sedondon macam langsir bergerak sudah. haha. atau apa tau, group kita split 3. 1 group pakai baju colour red, lagi satu pakai baju yellow, lagi satu pakai baju hijau. lepas tu kan, kitaorg seberang jalan. kereta mesti berhenti nye.. hehehe.

SELAMAT HARI RAYA
KEPADA SAUDARA SERTA SAUDARI
SETAHUN HANYA SEKALI
MERAYAKAN HARI YANG MULIA INI

11:53 pm

went out to shop with umai at CWP today. haha. we were so kecoh! we got her smokey eyeshadow from Face Shop that cost $19.90. it has suspiciously the same colour as my Silky Girl Smokey Spark eyeshadow that i bought for less than half of that price. but in any case, umai, let's hope it better be worth it ya. helped her to pick out the blusher tone for her. she got one from maybelline, in Rose. haha. both Watermelon testers were out, and it was pretty unglam when you're trying to bring the heavy blush case down just to get a look at the tester. then we got stuck deciding over which Garnier mask i should buy. in the end i opted for the cheaper one (obviously). then my splurge was on Maybelline's Unstoppable eyeliner in Black. it better be as Unstoppable as it claimed to be, otherwise...

it's nearing 1am now and i've just finished cutting the onions and garlics and whatsoever for three different types of dishes. i haven't even gotten down to blending them. and just now as i was shaping the begedil (potato balls) into balls.. man, the fan was directly blowing at me.. mata layu beb (i.e. makes me feel very sleepy).. and now i am just so beat, my back is seriously wanting to break. i think i'll need to sleep for a good 12 hours.

then when i checked my MSN just now, turns out rid had sth to talk about and i was like in the kitchen cutting up onions. i felt quite bad. but but but, didn't i post it clearly on my MSN to msg me if there's anything? so rid, sorry strawberry tau.. janji, besok kita akan berbual, ok?

ok, i'm going off to blend my onions.
___________________________________________________________________
aku risaukan kau. entah mengapa firasat di hati mengatakan ada sesuatu yang tak kena.
moga-moga tidak ada apa-apa yang terjadi. aku tak sanggup sekiranya sesuatu terjadi padamu.

12:26 am

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

blogskin transformation from black to white. since everyone said my previous skin was emo-y. so will white be much better now?

cooked up an impromptu shopping plan with humaira tomorrow after school. i guess i really need it after everything. so anyway, we'll be chiong-ing from our schools to meet at CWP tomorrow at around 3, and we shall shop JL down! she told me about The Face Shop eyeshadow that she was eyeing for a very, very long time. haha. then i told her about my need to buy a rejuvenating mask. it's gonna be a quick trip, but i guess it could beat the feeling of shopping alone.

MSN-ed with humaira and rid after a long, long hiatus, what's with all 3 of us prepping for our fyes. i missed talking to them; they never fail to cheer me up when i'm down, and vice-versa.

for farid: rid, dengar sini cikgu nak story sikit. jangan risau sangat pasal exam results kau tu, yer? ingat janji kita, akan doakan satu sama lain. insya allah, kita bertiga akan maju dan berjaya dengan cemerlang dalam peperiksaan ini. amin.

for humaira: gurl, i totally heart you lah, can?? haha. alhamdulillah, kau dengan squarepants kau dah berbaik semula. moga-moga jodoh korang berkekalan lah yer.. hehehe.. and outing kita besok jangan lupa haa..

for both of them: thanks a lot guys for making me laugh everytime i'm down. korang ni aku dah anggap macam adik-beradik aku tau..aku type ni sebak rasanya..betul.. moga-moga persahabatan kita akan kekal dunia akhirat. korang lah yang tak pernah fail bikin aku ketawa macam orang gila depan computer. <33 korang. and, Maju The Glers!

for my crescentian friends: thank you guys for telling _. i really appreciate it. and maybe this is short, mainly cos i dunno how to express my thanks to you guys, but seriously, i don't know what i'd do without you all. love, and peace out!
___________________________________________________________________
maybe i'll have to put on a front, to convince people i'm strong in facing this.
there's two ways i take this on: embracing my softer side or hiding behind my steel shield.
i don't know which path i'll take. but whatever my choice is will be for you.
i just seem to love you more when i'm trying to get over you.
i still love you. i'm sorry.

11:14 pm

i will be changing my blogskin. and yes, it's somehow due to the fact that Hari Raya is approaching, but i can't find any blogskin that has ketupat on it or what.

and i think i'm easing back into normalcy. cos i felt much better after ploughing through pages of FOTDs on MalaysianBabes Forum, which is an equally coolio forum like Flowerpod Forum. i was like, the smokey look is THAT easy??! then i saw how you can create the airbrushed foundation look to achieve the flawless skin and it was just BLISS.

at the same time Farid IM-ed me on msn to ask for help for his A Maths paper tomorrow. (ah ah.. pandai lah tu dia.. tertinggal A Maths TB dgn fail kat sekolah.. buat lagi, buat lagi.. ishh.. kalau buat lagi, akak piat-piat telinga baru tahu..) haha. it was quite fun being his tutor for the night. i was like, it's like this. then he's like, WAITT.. why like this? (sorry tau rid.. sebab my 2 nampak macam x..) haha. umai suggested to me once that the 3 of us group study for our exams one day. how about for o levels next year? (gerenti kekek punya.. haha.. silap-silap, tak belajar, ranap library tu kita kerjakan.)

talking about umai, i smsed her this afternoon to tell her about SpiderRid's brilliant idea to produce a sequel to the complete Hikmah series. from my convo with him ytd, Hikmah 4.. coming soon in late 2008.. haha.. then today while i was baking my last cake, umai and i came up with the ermm.. draft casting for the sequel. hahaha. omg it was so painstakingly funny i almost dropped my spoon while baking my cake. haha.

ahem ahem.. presenting the cast list for Hikmah 4:

Ana - nobody

Adrian - nobody

Arman - nobody

Lika - Humaira

Surya - SpiderRid (tak kisah kau setuju ke tak :p)

Sinta - (ni paling kekek seyy.. we are short of actresses, so..) Azizan

Rika - Norman

Teddy - Syafiq Saad

Rizal - Ashraf Khan

Om Hasyim - Ziq (nasib kau lah ziq..)

Umi - me (kurang asam kau rid.. hahaha..)

Tante Vina - Wan (sorry tau.. ni umai nye idea lah ni..)

so yes, please await the release of the unofficial sequel, Hikmah 4.

jointly produced and directed by The Glers and Gang.

___________________________________________________

my F/EOTD that i did a few days ago cos i needed to control my tears.

Face:

Silky Girl Lightening LF in Medium (use this in place of concealer. just dab it on necessary parts like under-eye, cheekbone, eyelid = as a base)

Slky Girl Lightening PP in Natural (dab in onto face. or to speed things up a little, sweep it all over face, hairline and neck. use a powder brush to brush off excess powder)

Silky Girl Blusher in Honeywood (make the fish face and streak it into below your cheekbone towards hairline. this is to make the sides of the cheek appear thinner and hollower. then lightly swirl it onto the apples of cheeks.)

Eyes:

from Lancome Festival Couleur eyeshadow palette:

White (use a damp eyeshadow brush and apply onto entire upper eyelid. this will serve as a base. using a dry brush, apply onto browbone as highlight.)
Bronze (apply on entire upper eyelid. blend upwards from lashline. pack it on after applying the light green shadow.)

Light Green (this will go into the crease. lightly blend it in so that it will appear pretty faint.)

Dark Brown (apply on outer V and wing it out if desired. if it's winged out, eyes can appear to be more deep-set.)

Maybelline Unstoppable mascara in Black Brown (apply 2 coats. first coat is on entire lashes. 2nd coat will be at the tips of the lashes. fibres will extend and lengthen lashes)

Lancome MagnaScopic volumising mascara (apply 1 coat to lashes. for volumising purposes. if you have a lengthening & volumising mascara, you can just use that one mascara and skip this.)

the fun thing is, i did it all under 20 minutes (:

_________________________________________________________________

i will learn to let go of you..mainly because i love you..

12:15 am

Monday, October 08, 2007

today's topic: Hari Raya preparations (4 more days to go)

i don't want to put up the curtains.. at least for the next few months or so. my bum still hurts from knocking into the chair when i was putting the curtains up in my room. it was like, climb the chair, hook it to the curtain holder thingey and then suddenly BANG into the chair. ouchh.

helped my mom to bake kek lapis (thousand layer cake) today. it was so coolio. you put in one layer, bake it for 2 minutes, take it out, pour another layer, bake it for another 2 minutes and so on. for the last layer, you just bake it for 45 minutes. two kek lapis to add on to 5 nutella swiss rolls, 4 horseshoe rolls, 1 brownies and 2 ice cream layer cake. ~whee. imagine how my fridge look like.

i think i need to shop for makeup. at least get that FLAT eyeliner by Lord & Berry. it's thick and flat, and it can double up as an eyeliner (cos it has a thin front) or as an eyeshadow (the thicker part). or i can use it as an eyeshadow base.. a trick i picked up front ABB. colour in your whole eyelid with that and then just apply your eyeshadow as per normal. the colours will stick and show up more.

but umai has been making me jealous by keeping on to tell me about the smokey eyeshadow set from The Face Shop. haha. biasa ehh dia.. bikin orang jeles aje.. hmphh.. haha.

there's this hari raya song that i like, but i totally don't know its title! and it's very frustrating cos then how the heck am i supposed to look for it? but i loike the song.. haha.. the anuar zain version (ahem.. umai.. sorry yerr.. aku 'pinjam' hubby kau yang ke berapa entah sekejap.. suara dia mencairkan ah..)

i did the bimbo thing of buffing my nails while watching some makeup vid on Pursebuzz. haha.. was surprised i did that. but hey, my nails are shiny now alright.. it helps to buff your nails when you're frustrated.
___________________________________________________________________
some song lyrics.. sorry, unwilling and lazy to translate..

Harus... selalu kau tahu
Ku mencintamu sepanjang waktuku
Harus...selalu kau tahu
Semua abadi untuk selamanya...
~ Aku Bukan Pilihan Hatimu oleh Ungu

Bergantilah musim selalu
Mengingatkan aku padamu
Adakah kau mendengar aku
Menyebut memanggil namamu
Perlahan kucoba berdiri
Menahan perih dan bernyanyi

Tak pernah menyesal mengenal dirimu
~ Tak Pernah Menyesal oleh KD

Sayangku
Tahukah kau di dalam hatiku ini
Tersimpan perasaan cinta yang suci
Kau bunga ingin kusunting mu menjadi milikku
Lantas kuabadikan dalam jiwaku
Sayangnya... harapan yang selama ini
kubawa
Hancur berkecai musnah jua akhirnya
Semuanya bagaikan sebuah mimpi
Oh... Kau pergi jua
Setelah cintaku kini membara
Belum sempat kucurahkah kasihku
Kau pergi tak kembali
~ Kau Pergi Jua oleh Dayang Nurfaizah

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
~ Say Goodbye by S Club 7

i still love you, but i'm slowly learning to let go of you.. bit by bit..
thank you for your encouragement, your support, your words, your presence..
thank you for everything, although you will never know the whole thing..

11:28 pm

Sunday, October 07, 2007

i'm not going to post about my personal life for the next few updates cos at the rate it's going now, it's something that i myself don't want to face. so the next few updates will be general.

i read in CLEO magazine the makeup look for autumn/winter 2007: red lips, the 'nude' look, and thickened black eyeliner. to some extent, cleopatra makeup (think cats eyes, egyptian look) is making a big splash as well. but please don't match thickened black eyeliner with red lipstick. it's very dracula.

among these three, the nude look appeals to me more. nude look basically means a flawless look with a natural finish. as in, it's not obvious you're wearing makeup. and usually the products used are less, aside from giving the dewy, shimmery look.

some of the products that i think will work for this look:
- L'Oreal True Match LF, LP, 2-way foundation
= the fact that it matches your skin tone perfectly is an ooh-la-la factor already, non-comodegenic and you don't have to use a lot of it

- Bobbi Brown Stonewashed eyeshadow collection
= as the name suggest, most of the shades are earthly. perfect for the barely-there look.

- L'Oreal Blush Delice
= decent staying power, added with shimmers to add that glowy look to your face.

- Bourjois lipgloss (nude collection series)
= self-explanatory

- Garnier Lightening Dew (can't recall the exact name of the toner)
= saw this off pursebuzz. using a large powder/blush brush, dab this over your face to get that dewy look.

i would love to try this out, if not for the warm weather nowadays that made me forgo my foundation and eyeshadows. to beat the heat, i suggest:

a) Maybelline Unstoppable mascara/ XXL mascara
= waterproof, smudgeproof, sweatproof.. everything that you can ever ask for to wear on a sweltering day. i wore my Unstoppable for 12 hours plus and in the heat in JB, and when i came back in the evening, my lashes were still steady.

OR

b) Fasio mascaras
= any one will do. Fasio mascaras are the ultimate no-budgers. it will stay on, even if you go swimming.

- Maybelline Unstoppable Liner
= smudgeproof, so obviously it won't budge, not even on a scorching day

- Revlon Colorstay Lipcolour
= won't budge for a few good hours

- L'Oreal True Match CP
= it matches your skin tone, controls the oil, nice casing and is compact

i skipped my blusher as well, but maybe if you want, cream blushers should do the trick.
but personally, i'd just be happy with an eyeliner, a mascara and pressed powder.

11:38 pm

logged in to Flowerpod just now and saw some quotes. here are some of them:

letting go doesn't mean giving up,but rather accepting that there are things that cannot be.
~ losefaith

Sometimes people put up walls not to block others out, but to see who really cares enough to break them down.
~ ling yan

ppl become stronger becos they have memories they cant forget.
~ heavenz

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return. But what is more painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let that person know how you feel.

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you，only to find out in the end that it was never meant to be and you just have to let go.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch swing with，never say a word，and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
~ hipermax

Love is magic. The more we hide it, the more it shows; the more you suppress it, the more it grows.
~iceruby

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.
~littlefoot

he who laughs last thinks the slowest. ~ lerr (i don't quite get this one, though)

wat doesn't kill u today only makes u stronger. ~hanes_honey

Heartless words are like a boomerang dipped in poison.If you throw it, will kill your opponent. But it’ll come back and kill you as well.
~ GalCir on harmful words

Will you run your own life away? Running away gives the soul no rest. Nothing you do becomes fun.
~ GalCir on running away from yourself

it's all a bit... complexingly depressing. but i took it's a forum mah.. the users input. i don't have anything to post yet in that thread, though.

12:41 am

Saturday, October 06, 2007

this is gonna be a long post, so sit tight.

firstly, went to JB today to look for my baju kurung for the upcoming hari raya next saturday. when i reached Kotaraya and saw the whole lot of clothes on the first floor, man... i was spoilt for choices. every few steps i took, i went, "EHH.. NICEE". then saw the price tag and went, "But the price not nice."

but seriously lah. there was a lot of nice baju kurung. but i was aiming for a songket baju kurung, so maybe i narrowed my choices down. then at one of the shops i saw 2 very nice songket baju kurung, one in turquoise green and one in light maroon. it took me 15 minutes to decide to choose the latter. it is just soo nice!! then my mum and i managed to persuade my dad and my brother to get matching colours so the whole family will be wearing the same colour on hari raya.

a snapshot of how my songket baju kurung will look like..
i just love the design.. very malay..

then when i came home, i found out that my manchester united has totally blitzkrieg-ed wigan 4-0!! see?? i told you they will start scoring!!! and yay! arsenal is once again our main archrival in the premiership after chelsea for so long! haha!

i am so so proud of the man utd lads! although we are facing an injury crisis (new injuries added during the game.. vidic, o'shea and saha were the new casualties) and we are playing with a makeshift team, we did it!! gerard pique, danny simpson, nani, anderson.. the new lads.. i am just so proud of them! they gave a fantastic showing today! ronaldo, tevez and rooney all found themselves on the scoresheet; our attackers are attacking again!

afterwards, i became more high when i found out that Taufik has released a new abum!! entitled Teman Istimewa (Special Friend), it contains 8 malay songs and 2 english songs which he composed and produced!! and it's a mixture of a bunch of genres, and it's not a problem for a versatile singer like him! haha.. and he is just so cute! i read some of his quotes on his official website and they are just so funny. for example, he said, "Actuallly I've set a 10-year plan, but if someone comes along, then jadi (malay for will happen) lah!" when he was referring to questions asking him whether he's still single. then to promote anti-smoking, he said, "my voice is my ricebowl. why the hell would i want to ruin it by smoking?"

so you can tell it's quite a happy day for me. and i am still jealous of my neighbour's lampu lap-lip:

strain your eyes and then can see the drapey lights on the lower floor.

this is an.. ahem.. sneaky shot of the lights.

and i found an alternative to the present that i was looking for. haha (:

11:58 pm

Friday, October 05, 2007

Relaku menunggumu seribu tahun lama lagi
Tapi benarkah hidup aku akan selama ini
Biar berputar ke arah selatan ku tak putus harapan
Sedia setia
~ Seribu Tahun oleh Imran Ajmain
_____________________________________
I'm willing to wait for you even for the next 1000 years
But will my life last that long
Let it all turn back I'm not giving up
I'll always be here
~ A Thousand Years by Imran Ajmain

last day for exams. started the day with add maths (doable) and finished it off with chemistry (doable). then there was the Sec 4 Farewell Assembly all the way to 3pm.. and well, although it was very nice and touching and all, can't really say i enjoy being there.

i think The Issue (my friends should know) has somewhat, somehow affected me. although i tried not to let it get to me. maybe people may have realised this earlier, but i just realised it now.

usually i'd be cheered up by the slightest prospect of football and anything manchester united-related because i love those to bits. reading through Redcafe.net was a surefire way of putting the smile back on my lips. but nowadays.. i don't know.. it's like i don't really care. i don't seem to care about the going-ons of the club, the injuries, the results.. even watching a match nowadays don't seem to be that tantalising anymore.

even cosmetics.. now i just seem to view it as rather.. viewless. i'm not too sure if i can remember how to create the basic looks with eyeshadow. and put it simply, it doesn't excite me as much as before.

i don't know.. maybe it's the burnout of post-exams. but.. i don't know..

11:22 pm

at the rate things are going, i think i will need a layer of foundation and some powder for school tomorrow morning. my eyes are tired and hurting, i am tired but i just can't seem to stop the tears. i don't know.. truth be told i've been half-conscious of whatever that's going on around me or what i'm doing since last night. it's like i'm just doing things because it's routine, and just now geog paper was just answering whatever that came to my head.. i wasn't even sure if i was thinking.

i am still tired from crying the whole of last night, i don't want to keep on holding back or letting out the tears like the days before. i am just very tired of it all.

2:58 pm

Thursday, October 04, 2007

to liven things up a little. it's not fair (or nice) to make people feel depressed reading my blog.

so to spruce things up, hari raya is approaching! in... 9 more days! all my hari raya cookies are done (finally), and now my back's aching from making 2kg worth of pineapple tarts just now. i'll be shopping for my songket baju kurung in JB this saturday. since i won't have any school from this saturday all the way to next wednesday, a lot of hari raya preparations can be done. this includes baking all the cakes, changing the cushions and curtains as well as shop for shoes (i hope Charles and Keith have nice heels) and bags (or rather, a wristlet). then on thursday, i'll be busy helping my mum to prepare the ingredients to cook the hari raya dishes which will have to be cooked by friday afternoon. and i want lampu lap-lip.. you know, those colourful lights? i saw my neighbour's on the opposite block and i am so jealous. lampu lap-lip adds to the hari raya atmosphere. but apparently i can't find cheap, nice ones in the woodlands area.

and i just realised that i'll be able to do add maths better when i'm listening to dikir barat music and hari raya songs. seriously. in the afternoon i was listening to random tracks by peterpan and ungu and i couldn't seem to know how to do. sekali at night, switch on dikir barat and hari raya songs, i can do those questions pretty fast.

i like this song; it's a must-have spin on the radio every year since it was released a few years back:

it's a happy song, the tone that is pretty common in most hari raya songs.

and i like the lyrics.. i forgot the literary term, but it has something to do with repetition.

and Siti Nurhaliza's pretty as well as have a sweet voice..

and my rose has bloomed!

i'll spare you the agony of me typing out lyrics to The Rose by Westlife.

2:58 pm

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

i learned something today: it doesn't pay to do stuffs in the kitchen when your mind is wandering off to some far away land, because you can end up slicing your own finger, accidentally touch the hot oven and/or mess up the ingredients. had a slight mishap in the kitchen today, but it wasn't serious because it only warranted a short lecture from my mum.

i am trying not to let it affect me in the midst of fyes like it did for my common test.
trying to study geog, and learning about flood barriers.. well, maybe i need one myself.

one of my favourite sad songs for hari raya..

Pulanglah oleh Aishah

(spoken) Sayang, di hari yang mulia ini
Ku pohon keampunan
Hanya satu yang ku pinta
Pulanglah..

Termenung ku sendiri
Memendam rindu tidak menentu
Kasih suci murni yang kita bina
Hapus hancur oleh kata fitnah

Di pagi hari raya
Hati sayu mengenang dirimu
Mudahnya kau menggantikan diriku
Seolah cintaku tak berharga

Apakah suratan
Aidilfitri satu titik akhir
Sekian lama bercinta
Kau tiada di hari mulia

Keampunan ku pohon
Sekiranya aku yang berdosa
Pulanglah ku merindui mu sayang
Ku menanti dengan hati rela ( jiwa raga )
Pulanglah kepangkuan ku oh… sayang
Ku menunggu mu di hari raya
______________________________________
i love you.. what do i do?

8:43 pm

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

had SS and E Maths today. SS was happy paper. E Maths was doable.

you know, there's a saying amongst the Malay community that goes something like, if you keep on laughing and laughing like mad non-stop, at the end of the day you will cry. true enough.

for some reason this song just kept on playing in my head the whole afternoon. and for some painful reason, i don't want to think about it, whether it's imminent or not. cos now my eyes hurt from holding all the tears back and letting some of them fall, and it's just not helping me right now when i'm supposed to be studying history and bio.

Say Goodbye by S Club 7

In the years to come
Will you think about these moments that we shared
In the years to come
Are you gonna think it over
And how we lived each day with no regrets

Nothing lasts forever though we want it to
The road ahead holds different dreams for me and you

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in your heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

In a year from now
Maybe there'll be things we'll wish we never said
In a year from now
Maybe we'll see each other
Standing on the same street corner, no regrets

Each and every end is always written in the stars
If only I could stop the world, I'd make this last

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll miss your love in every way
So say goodbye (so say goodbye)
But don't you cry
'Coz true love never dies

And when you need my arms to run into
I'll come for you
Nothing will ever change the way I feel

Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny (is the only way for destiny)
Sometimes goodbye (sometimes goodbye), though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me (is the only way for you and me)
Though its the hardest thing to say
I'll missing your lovin' every day
So say goodbye
But don't you cry

Because a true love never dies
_____________________________________________________
i just don't want to think about it.
but what happens when the person who is everything to you is the one you can never have?

9:47 pm

Monday, October 01, 2007

i didn't have any paper this morning so i didn't have to come to school! yay!

haha! then woke up this morning and found a pleasant surprise in my handphone! then after that i couldn't sleep redi.. haha!

then at 11am plus, i started my escapade in baking 3 more types of cookies to add on to the 3 cookies yesterday. haha.. baked cornflake choco chips, oatmeal and double choc cookies today! it was so funnn!!! especially the cornflake choco chips; prepare the batter, then use spoon drop it onto the tray in cute, bite-sized amount. then bake, then finish ready!! whee!! and i managed to finish all 3 cookies by 5pm! whee!!!

took this one while the double choc cookies was still in the process of baking. then can see that a lot of my cookies are chocolate, because my whole family - including my extended family - likes chocolate a lot a lot because there's a lot of kids on my mother's side. my dad's side are mostly grown up and married.

i knight thee Chocolate Treasure! haha.. as promised, one of the cookies i baked yesterday!

oh yes, then my mum bought more orchids, but i didn't have the chance to take a snapshot of them. but this is what one part of the mini garden outside my flat looked like:

haha.. cute ritee?? then tomorrow i shall take a snapshot of my roses cos they have bloomed!!! yes, my roses have bloomed, and they're so pretty!!

whee!!! i haven't felt this high for so longg! it's like everything seems great from the moment i woke up! yay yay, fiqah dah habis buat 6 jenis biskut.. yay yay!!

9:47 pm

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Monday, October 29, 2007

Sunday, October 28, 2007

Saturday, October 27, 2007

Thursday, October 25, 2007

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Monday, October 22, 2007

Sunday, October 21, 2007

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Sunday, October 14, 2007

Friday, October 12, 2007

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Monday, October 08, 2007

Sunday, October 07, 2007

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Friday, October 05, 2007

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Wednesday, October 03, 2007

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Monday, October 01, 2007

the one

tell me the truth

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