Sunday, September 30, 2007

someone told me that different people cry or get upset over different things; it depends what is their sore point, what hits closer to home. to some people, it's their friends. to some people, it's their family. some materialistic ones would say money. but whatever it is, different people gets affected adversely by different things.
________________________________________________________________

baked hari raya cookies today. pics will be uploaded asap. vivien, don't jealous worr.. haha..

at the same time, i smsed _. talked to _ about some stuffs. then we sms sms all the way to dunno what time. _ is so funny; can't even spell the name of the player in his favourite club properly, and a bunch of other lame stuffs lah. talking to _ helps most of the time, but then some stuffs i can't outwardly tell _. but the whole thing got cheer me up a lot.

a lot of people's birthday coming up! and i know what to get for most of them already. whee!!

and umai, you are making me get all excited about hari raya!!!
haha.. teruk betul eh aku ni.. baru nak start bikin kuih hari ni, baju raya tu semua belum cari, lampu lap-lip belum pasang lagi ni.. hahaha.. belum beli pun! haha!!
takpelah, lepaskan gian, dengar lagu raya pun set ah!

8:15 pm

i'm supposed to be studying but my concentration span is gone already. and it isn't a very smart thing cos then it'll set me thinking and yeah...

a lot of people's birthdays are coming up, and i was thinking of getting something for them. but i don't usually get or give birthday presents, so it's sort of weird for me to want to do this. but i want to do it.

fyes are coming up very very soon and it's not a very good time to think about or let the whole issue with _ affect me. but sometimes it just can't be helped.

shall rest and go read the live text commentary of the roma-inter match on soccernet now. i don't want to concentrate on the Man Utd game; i just hope they win, even if it's 1-0. hopefully, the roma-inter match can make for some interesting conversation. there's always a high possibility of a red card in an inter milan match, whether it's from inter or from the opposition.
so please inter, entertain me.

12:24 am

Saturday, September 29, 2007

today was fun, cos it's the only exam paper that i really don't mind doing, cos i like! higher malay paper on a saturday, i know, weird right? haha.. this morning i felt like going back to bed after i had my pre-dawn meal, then remembered it was hml exam day, so yeah, dragged my somnabulistic self to school. Paper 1 was super fun to do, although i think i overanalysed until got no time to write conclusion. Paper 2 was luckyy.. the first 2 sections were the exact same questions as my practice papers and the common test, i think.





had these to break fast yesterday. haha. i ate the oreo, the cocoa crispy and the chocolatey one. then i shared the strawberry jam with my dad. see? only 6. got proof viv eats more then me :p

5:14 pm

Friday, September 28, 2007

quick one today, cos i still have yet to learn my peribahasa for tomorrow's higher malay exam.

my mood today was severely down. i cried so many times in school today that my eyes were starting to hurt during bio lesson, and then i couldn't focus on whatever Snr. Ms Lim was saying. then my mood sort of perked up a bit towards the end of the school day.

someone told me before, "sometimes to open the lock, you need the person who locked it."
i think i may have understood what that chinese saying meant today.


thank you for making me smile again although i cried because of you.

10:10 pm

Thursday, September 27, 2007

school wasn't much. my morning wasn't that great cos discovered man utd's humiliating exit from the Milk - ok ok, Carling - Cup. then it rained on the way to school, and i thought i saw someone familiar at redhill mrt, but i guess it was just the morning and the rain and the uninspiring football news.

took some time off during bio to jot down in my diary. it lasted me all the way to the first half of recess. i had to have some solitude in the bathroom, and after i was tired, i came back and finished off my entry. then.. yeah.. i opted not to talk much cos it wouldn't be very nice to betray my emotions.

reached home to find it empty. took that time to just sit in one corner of my room and.. yeah, you get the picture. now my eyes hurt, i'm tired and i'm trying to do a maths to get my mind off it.

5:30 pm

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

opted to go for chem instead of french just now. then while the rest of the girls were busy doing their TYS, samantha and i just sort of.. err.. slacked a lot a lot cos we've done all the questions wayy beforehand. so in a way, we just sat down there and whiled away 2 hours of our time. but hey, we managed to clear some misconceptions along the way.

just finished studying the first chapter of SS. i've finally touched and read through one of my humans books. there's still history to start, though.

i had a pleasant surprise when i got home: my mum had bought 3 orchids and 2 rose plants! the orchids were beautiful, really. one's deep purple, one's a combination of purple and pink and the other one is a combo of pink and white. and although the rose hasn't blossomed yet, i'm guessing it to be one red rose plant and one white rose plant. i'm not an advocate of orchids, since they're scentless. so i guess you can tell that i'm excited about the roses, because my mum bought my favourite flowers!! usually i'd prefer white roses because i think white roses symbolises a thousand different things: purity, sincerity, selflessness, sacredness, elegance etc. but red roses are fine by me as well, i guess, because red roses always seem to be more meaningful to the majority.

then i heard one of the songs in Moulin Rouge. i only remembered about the song when i saw this written on the whiteboard in the malay classroom when i went there for lessons yesterday:

Listen to my heart, can you hear it sing
Telling me to give you everything
Seasons may change, winter to spring
But I Love You, until the end of time

Come what may
Come what may
I will love you
Until my dying day

~ Come What May by Nicole Kidman and Ewan McGregor

and i am just so glad that although i had a dreaded feeling since last night, and came to school with the same dreaded feeling in the morning, nothing bad happened. i am just so thankful to Allah. i don't know what i'd do if my dreaded feeling came true.

Alhamdulillah ya Allah kerana Engkau telah melindunginya.

Roses. Come What May. Relief.

9:49 pm

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

to sound a bit more normal, i am somewhat anxious by the fact that i haven't touched my humanities subjects at all save for geog's plate techtonics, which i didn't have much problem with since (please don't hit me) i love the chapter. but at least there's positive progress in the other subjects. totally bogged my brain with numbers and numbers and whatever that has to do with numbers for most part of today. but anyway, hoping to clear my subjects by the time the papers come because i always never seem to be able to finish revising nowadays.

and oh, make-up tutorial vids are great de-stressors, as long as you can control yourself. most of the time i can do that. sometimes i'll just be itching to pick up a brush and my eyeshadow colours and play with make-up. yes, even at 12am plus.

on a more weird front (as weird as the Nazis goose-walk march), i guess i'd better rein in my emotions. for some reason, i just felt like crying in school just now during english period. but hurried to the toilet and controlled it. but i wasn't crapping around or being cynical anymore after that. then when i reached home, i entered my room and saw my class photo on the floor. i don't know how fell from my desk; maybe the wind blew it or something (i'm trying to understand how since i placed about 3 watches on top of it). and suddenly through the night, i don't know.. i just had a very anxious, uncomfortable feeling. we malays would put it as "rasa tak sedap hati". even now there's a tinge of it, but i'm half-awake so maybe that plays a part.

i am dead beat from everything.

ya Allah, lindungilah dia..

11:37 pm

Monday, September 24, 2007

to phrase my emotions simply, i am just plain happy to tears.
maybe it doesn't account for much, but after so long..

heard this happy song on the radio on the way home (:

Syuga - 8 Hari Seminggu

Aku menyayangimu
Juga aku mencintaimu 8 hari seminggu
Semakin mendekatiku seperti kamu
Pun menemani 25 jam sehari
Selalu begitu bila bercinta tiada habisnya
Sungguh! Sungguh kaulah tempatku berteduh
Saat hati tengah rusuh dan membusuk
Kau beri aku arti maka ku tegar berdiri

Aku menyayangimu
Juga aku mencintaimu 8 hari seminggu
Semakin mendekatiku seperti kamu
Pun menemani 25 jam sehari
Habislah kita dianyam perasaan enggan berpisah
Sungguh! Sungguh kaulah tempatku berteduh
Saat hati tengah rusuh dan membusuk
Kau beri aku arti maka ku tegar berdiri

Menggilaimu setengah mati
Tanpa ku ragu bahwa kaulah pilihan jitu
Dan aku mau slamanya denganmu

Aku menyayangimu
Juga aku mencintaimu 8 hari seminggu
Semakin mendekatiku seperti kamu
Pun menemani 25 jam sehari
Aku menyayangimu
Juga aku mencintaimu 8 hari seminggu
______________________________
translation: 8 days a week

i care for you
just like i love you, 8 days a week
as we get closer you
accompany me 25 hours a day
it's always like that cos love has no end
truly, you're my shelter
when my heart is anxious
you gave me a reason to carry on

i care for you
just like i love you, 8 days a week
as we get closer you
accompany me 25 hours a day
we're caught up with the unwillingness to part
truly, you're my shelter
when my heart is anxious
you gave me a reason to carry on

crazy for you to death
without doubt you're the one
and i wanna be with you forever

i care for you
just like i love you, 8 days a week
as we get closer you
accompany me 25 hours a day
i care for you
just like i love you, 8 days a week


to whoever that had felt the stab of the words in my previous posts, i'm really, really sorry ):

8:18 pm

Sunday, September 23, 2007

having dao-ed people the last few days, guess it's time for a quick reflection.

you know the feeling where you feel, "i'm there for them, but they're not there for me."
it hurts and pisses you off at the same time. so naturally you don't want to lash out at them, so you opted to dao them. now, this isn't a good idea.

but then, it sort of made me recollect this phrase (i've mentioned it in the 2nd previous post):

sometimes it's not a question of how friend they are to you, but how friend
you are to them.

the owner of these words sort of shook me up and comforted me with the words. it's true, i guess. to quote the person, friends just let it go. don't expect things from people. in other words, selflessness.

then there's the question of how selfless you can get. and again, the answer is, don't question, just do it. sure, there'll be instances where you feel that you're too selfless for your own comfort. but then again, what can you do about it?

nice to know that when you're throwing sarcasm at others, you don't get the sarcasm obviously aimed at you.

4:21 pm

smokey look EOTD.

4:21 pm

Saturday, September 22, 2007

sometimes it's not a matter of how friend they are to you, but how friend you are to them.

even after a month plus, those words seem to stick in my head.

had e maths and a maths extra lessons all the way to 12pm. both lessons were ok, i guess. came in late cos i don't know where the lesson is held. but whatever. sat with yeewen and nita. yeewen is so funny. haha. suddenly i recalled yesterday's history lecture. i sat next to teran, and we spent about a quarter of the time laughing at Hitler and the Nazis (no offence here).

had to keep stopping myself from crying in the train all the way from redhill to woodlands. it was rather unsuccessful cos it was pretty obvious i'm holding back the tears. and the fact that i nearly missed my stop.

when you really, really need the people around you, somehow you feel as if they just desert you.
thanks for nothing.

9:07 pm

I can't take part in the business man illusion,
I'll take my chance in the real world confusion
Don't blame us, who do we trust when they're so dishonest
No patience, this nation's obsessed with exploitation
Lying, denying surrounds me

All I know is I've heard this all before
Reality's a bore (is a bore)
You ask me to believe in something fake,
well I can't bring myself to do what
You want me to (want me to)
This is who we are and (who we are)
Nothing's gonna change

Thanks for nothing (I've heard this all before),
Thanks for nothing (reality's a bore),
Thanks for nothing (it'll never be the same),
Thanks for nothing (and nothing's gonna change)

~ Thanks For Nothing by Sum 41

12:03 pm

come to think of it, i think i may have been practising isolationism for the past few days. in case you don't take history, isolationism was a practice used by the US post-WWI where they decide to stay out of people's affairs and, well, basically isolate themselves from whatever raging conflict there is. it was more of a defensive stand towards the world.

ok, fine, maybe i did practice isolationism. but sometimes it's not because you want to; it's because the people around you are causing you to do it. so if some people happen to feel like i'm isolating them, yeah well, maybe i am, maybe i'm not. whatever your views is, reflect cos i'm not gonna waste blogspace on this matter. come to think of it, i don't quite care.

anyway, i guess isolationism sort of allowed me to take a step back and scrutinize the people around me. sometimes you think you know the people in your life, but you don't exactly. so by viewing them as a 3rd party and not as someone who knows them, you get better judgement about them.

i guess the main thing is that i don't have much to say to the people around me. or there's not really a chance for me to talk out. but whatever.

am i sounding cynical? perhaps. do i sound mean cos i'm doing it to the people around me? maybe. am i very cold to the people around me? to a certain extent.

it's the end of my isolationism for now. but thank you History for teaching me the concept.

11:23 am

Friday, September 21, 2007

i am not dao-ing people today. i just don't feel like talking, and i have nothing to talk about. so unless there's something to talk about, i opted to just remain silent. which was ok, since people tend to leave me on my own and i get my own space.

i really feel like going to that mini park beside the canal near my school. it's rather deserted, but that's fine by me. maybe i'll head out there tomorrow.

ya allah, mengapa begitu sakit hati ini menahan tangisan daripada merembes keluar? di bulan yang suci ini ku cuba untuk menahan air mata ini semasa berpuasa. tapi apabila aku terus-menerus menahannya, semakin perih. ya allah, masanya kian dekat. berikanlah ku kekuatan dan ketabahan untuk mengharungi hari-hari berikutnya.

ku sangat sangat memerlukanmu.. tapi kau tiada..

12:13 pm

Thursday, September 20, 2007

sheesh. not everything is about _, you know.

today was a pretty decent day by any standards, save for the e maths test result (i blanked out during the paper. oh wells.) what else? had hml listening compre, half-dozing off during the second reading. nothing much, i guess. if i state what i ate for my breaking fast today, you'll be slightly surprised, cos i was amused that i could eat that much: 1 thosai, 1 burger, some nuggets and french fries, rambutan cocktail, vadai, sunquick drink, sips of coffee. and all these have entered my stomach and awaiting digestion within a matter of 30 minutes. did my tarawih prayers at night, then now trying to study bio. may proceed to some other random subjects later.

sometimes i feel _ can really understand me quite well. it's like i don't have to tell the whole thing, or i'm halfway relating stuffs, and somehow, _ sort of completed the story for me, talked me round, give me the morale boost when i need it the most. but then the whole issue is rather complex, and although _ said that he'll be there if i need him.. there's only how far you can keep on turning to someone, because you can't keep on turning to the person all the time; they lead their own lives as well.

tapi dia mengenaliku, perwatakanku, sifatku. sudah beberapa kali aku curhat kepadanya. dan dia mengerti dan memahami erti segalanya. dia tak pernah jenuh talk me round. saat-saat seperti ini, aku terasa seperti aku ingin pergi kepadanya dan curhat segala-galanya kepadanya. tapi dia tiada. tatkala dia pulang, aku tak sampai hati untuk membebankannya dengan curahan hatiku. tapi saat-saat beginilah aku berasa bahawa aku inginkan dia di sisi. tidak perlu berkata apa-apa. setakat kehadirannya barangkali sudah mencukupi.

12:03 pm

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

ku ingat ku dapat bertahan tanpa kehadiranmu. tapi nampaknya aku separuh berjaya, separuh gagal. meskipun aku mampu menjalani kehidupanku seperti biasa, aku mampu tersenyum, ketawa, buat lawak, melaksanakan tugasan-tugasanku, acap kali kau selalu di ingatan.

aku terkenang wajahmu, senyumanmu, saat-saat manis yang pernah ku lalui bersamamu. ku terkenang suaramu, mengungkapkan kata-kata yang dapat menenangkanku dan membuatku berfikir tentang perkara-perkara di dalam hidupku. pada masa yang sama aku juga teringatkan kau dengannya. entah berapa kali aku pernah lihat kau bersama dengannya. aku tak dapat nafikan, sedikit terguris hati ini - tapi aku merelakannya kerana aku ingin melihat kau bahagia, tidak kira dengan siapa.

aku tetap menanti kepulanganmu, kerana aku masih menyayangimu meskipun aku telah cuba untuk melupakanmu.

12:03 am

rushed semi-smokey purple EOTD. just slapped on some colours at home after school today - in fact, don't quite know their exact names- and yeah, all done in a good 5 minutes.

12:03 am

Monday, September 17, 2007

to debbie: thanks for the "secrets". haha, i was so tempted to go and try them all out. all the colours were so nicee. haha. and also thanks for the M2M song. <33

but i guess this song reflects my mood now. it's called Disini Untukmu (Here for you) by Ungu. (yes, as you can tell, currently they're my favourite indonesian band. and yes, ungu means purple.)

Disini Untukmu oleh Ungu

seandainya kau tahu
betapa ku sangat inginkan dirimu
seandainya kau tahu
apa yang ada di dalam isi hatiku

akankah bisa kunyatakan
rasa cinta dalam hatiku
dan aku tak bisa kukatakan
bahwa kaulah yang terindah
untukku

masih disini menantimu
berharap kau akan memikirkanku
masih disini menunggumu
menanti jawaban atas cintaku
masih disini menantimu
berharap cinta kita kan bersatu
masih disini menunggumu
menanti dirimu kembali
___________________________
(translation for chorus - highlighted part)

i'm still here waiting for you
hoping that you'll think of me
i'm still here waiting for you
waiting for a reply to my love
i'm still here waiting for you
hoping that our love will unite
i'm still here waiting for you
waiting for you to come back
__________________________

i was watching one of the indonesian drama serials (Coklat Strawberi - Chocolate Strawberry) when i heard this as the OST. and then i discovered it's in their latest album. and it's super nice!

11:23 pm

Sunday, September 16, 2007

after my tarawih prayers tonight, i felt a sense of serenity that i haven't felt for quite some time. alhamdulillah ya Allah...

(mild explanation: tarawih is a special type of prayers we Muslims do during the fasting month, and it's done after the last compulsory prayer of the day which is at night around 8.30pm. usually we do it en masse, but some people like me prefer to do it alone although en masse is supposedly better. but whatever the case, it's our intentions, i.e. to pray, that matters the most.)
found a pretty amusing email in my inbox today when i logged in after tarawih.
it made me smile.
terubat sedikit rinduku padanya... syukur alhamdulillah ya Allah..

watched the launching of Ungu's new Islamic album "Para PencariMu" cum their mini concert on indonesian channel sctv yesterday, and i totally loved their new songs. Ungu is an indonesian band that plays and releases typical indo-pop-rock music most of the time, but releases an Islamic album during or nearing the fasting month, so i think that's pretty unique cos it's the first time i hear pop-rock being used for Islamic-based songs.

here's one of my favourite tracks, Sesungguhnya.


this one of their normal music, Kekasih Gelapku (My Secret Love), which is their latest hit.


can't wait to buy their 2 new albums, Untuk Selamanya (Forever) which is their normal music and Para PencariMu (The One Who Searches For You) which is their new religious album. although the songs in their first religious album, SurgaMu (Your Heaven), was great, i think their second one is better. plus, in their typical music terms, their songs are getting better. their previous album, Melayang, hit no.1 in the best-selling charts. i'm expecting Untuk Selamanya to have the same, if not more, success.

~ku mencintaimu lebih dari apapun
meskipun tiada seorang yang tahu~

~i love you more than anything else
even though nobody knows~

- excerpt from Kekasih Gelapku by Ungu

10:52 pm

Saturday, September 15, 2007

oh nice. everybody knows about it, it seems. guess it was the truth when someone said the whole world knows about it. did i make it that obvious? did word get around, or did they manage to second-guess what and why i was so down about?

don't tell me you can sense it or know about it as well..

thought of blogging about cosmetics (cos i did a smokey brown eotd) and munchy donuts (cos had them for break fast just now). but i guess knowing all about this dampened my mood.

it will all be over soon. real soon.

~ku menanti,bilakah kau kan kembali
hingga kini tiada berita darimu
ku harungi perjalanan hidup ini
sampai nanti bertemu di syurgawi~

~i'm waiting, when will you come back
till now there's no news from you
i'm going through my life's path
until the time we meet in heaven~

- Ku Menanti (I'm Waiting) by Akmal feat. Aneja
[akmal's voice is.. fuyoh.. powerr..]

10:15 pm

Friday, September 14, 2007

i need to wear a facial mask asap. deep cleansing one tomorrow. whitening one after a few days.

when i was doing my tarawih prayers (special, additional prayers done at night which is only reserved for the fasting month), memories flooded my mind and.. yeah.. crying but happy and thankful to Allah.
tak pernah ku rasa sebahagia, sepilu, sesempurna begini sebelum engkau hadir ke dalam hidupku..

came across a few songs (oh ya, thanks viv for jian dan ai. but i havent heard it yet. haha.) while searching for the new songs by Ungu.

Chorus for Tercipta Untukku by Ungu (came across this song on youtube, listened to it and went, "ohh.. that song..")

Aku ingin engkau selalu
Hadir dan temani aku
Di setiap langkah
Yang meyakiniku
Kau tercipta untukku
Sepanjang hidupku

Meski waktu akan mampu
Memanggil seluruh jiwa ragaku
Kuingin kau tahu ku slalu milikmu
Yang mencintaimu sepanjang hidupku

(translations)
I always want you
to be there and accompany me
in every step
that shows your confidence in me
you're made for me
all my life

although time may
call upon me
i'd like you to know i'm always yours
who loves you throughout my life
_____________________________
Chorus for Firasat by Marcell

Cepat pulang, cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi,
Firasat ku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang
Cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi

(translation)
return soon, return fast don't leave again
my instintcs want you to hurry back
return fast don't leave again
____________________________
Chorus for Kekasih Gelapku by Ungu

ku mencintaimu lebih dari apapun
meskipun tiada satu orangpun yang tahu
ku mencintaimu sedalam dalam hatiku
meskipun engkau hanya kekasih gelapku

(translations)
i love you more than anything else
although nobody else knows
i love you deeply
although you won't know it
____________________________

once again, the feeling strikes, and i miss you..

11:52 pm

- "the whole world knows about it."
+ "huh? what do you mean, the whole world?"
- "it's just a figurative speech."

just happened to recall that convo. but don't worry, i'm not going to sit here and start pondering over what the person meant. even if the whole world knows about it, i don't care.. i'd just like to find out how.

you know how is it sometimes you read other people's blogs and although they don't necessarily direct it at you, you still 'terasa'? as in, still feel a bit as if it's directed at you. i know this sort of stuffs ('sindir' or harsh sarcasm) happens in daily life; heck, i think it's pretty prevalent in office politics, what's with all the plastic, back-stabbing, promotion-crazy colleagues. back to the topic. so in a way, the 'terasa' feeling isn't very nice, cos then you start doubting how people actually think of you.

first day of the fasting month today. was quite ok, except that the weather was very hot. declined to go out with vivien they all [sorry girls ): after the fasting month, aite?]. hung around in school with hsun-i and olga before going off to pray. then went for LD. did a survey and mrt-ed home with vivien.

ku menanti, dan tetap terus menanti...
10 more days..

11:11 am

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

kepada seluruh umat Islam di Singapura dan di mana-mana pelosok dunia:
Selamat menjalani ibadah puasa sepanjang bulan Ramadhan. jangan puasa yuk-yuk tau. dan bagi mereka-mereka yang TERminum air lepas PE tu kan.... jangan asyik TERminum aje.. batal puasa. dan lagi satu hal, jangan terikut-ikut pulak cerita Bubur Masjid Air Katirah.. telinga kena piat, baru tahu.. mwahaha..

sebagai menyambut kehadiran bulan suci ini, di sini saya titipkan lirik sebuah lagu daripada Ramli Sarip (saya tidak akan menaikmuatkan recording nyanyian saya kerana kalau saya buat macam gitu, Singapura akan ditimbuni salji) :

Ramadhan oleh Ramli Sarip

Naluri kita manusia
Selalu leka
Hanya sujud dan sembah
Padanya jua

Kini engkau ku datangi
Berserah diri
Bersama kehitaman masa
Nan silam

Ampunan Mu kuharapkan
Tiada daya... aku menghindarkan
Kesalahan dan dosaku
Hanya Engkau Yang Tahu
Di Ramadhan ini kabulkan doaku

Suluhkanlah cahaya Mu
Di malam yang penuh syahdu

11:11 pm

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

i like this song (:

Atas Nama Cinta oleh Rossa

aku wanita yang punya cinta dihati
ada diriku dan dirinya dalam hidupku
mengapa terlambat cintamu t'lah termiliki
sedang diriku dengan dia tak begitu cinta

* mengapa yang lain bisa
mendua dengan mudahnya
namun kita terbelenggu
dalam ikatan tanpa cinta

reff:
atas nama cinta hati ini tak mungkin terbagi
sampai nanti hingga aku mati
cinta ini hanya untuk engkau

atas nama cinta kurelakan jalanku merana
asal engkau akhirnya denganku
ku bersumpah atas nama cinta
_______________________________
In The Name Of Love by Rossa
(literal translation for those who don't understand malay, pls excuse any grammatical errors)

i'm a woman who has love in her heart
there's me and there's him in my life
why is it too late, your love belongs to someone else
whereas between me and him there's not much

* why is that the others
could pair up easily
but we're chained down
by loveless relationships

reff:
in the name of love this heart will never be given to someone else
even till i die
my love is only for you

in the name of love i don't mind my road to be full of pain
as long as you're with me in the end
i swear in the name of love

10:45 pm

Monday, September 10, 2007

i just realized that i'm a sucker for classic malay songs. currently, i really like a particular classic entitled Sumbangsih sang by M Bakri, but i only came to know about the song's existence after watching Elfee Ismail sing it on Bintang Klasik Nusantara 2007, where he emerged champion.
other songs that i like listening to are mostly P. Ramlee classics, such as Di Mana Kan Ku Cari Ganti and my all-time favourite, Getaran Jiwa. there's something about these classic malay songs that seem to put you at ease. but in any case, i like it.

the days will pass quickly - i hope...
till i see you again..

akanku cuba untuk melepaskanmu pergi dan pasrah dengan kenyataan..
namun seandainya ku benar-benar dapat menurut kata hatiku......
tapi aku harus berdepan dengan realiti tidak kira betapa pahitnya ia..

10:46 pm

Sunday, September 09, 2007

kemarin, ku lihat awan membentuk wajahmu
desau angin meniupkan namamu
tubuhku terpaku...

semalam, bulan sabit melengkungkan senyummu
tabur bintang serupa kilau auramu
akupun sadari, ku segera berlari...

cepat pulang, cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi
firasat ku ingin kau tuk cepat pulang
cepat kembali jangan pergi lagi...

~ Firasat by Marcell

i'm trying very hard not to cry because i shouldn't be. but it's hard.
imissyou.

10:46 pm

Saturday, September 08, 2007

in love you need to make sacrifices, and sometimes you need to sacrifice love itself.
~ from some Flowerpodder

ok, fine, yes. i admit: i am tearing now. it's not like i can help it after holding it back the whole day.

blackbox today. it was an entertaining show, but i got bored cos curtain duty is.. well, boring. mrted home with aricia and sam low. as usual, they always strike interesting conversations.

what else? nothing much lah. i just wanted to post the quote. it's the sort of quote that makes you sit down and think and self-reflect and... well, basically it sets you thinking.

and "Miss You" by Gareth Gates ft. Westlife, and Westlife's "Miss You Nights" happen to be replayed on my playlist today. i think i need to update my playlist.

yup. that's all.

9:38 pm

Thursday, September 06, 2007

went to JB today. ate at kenny rogers, then bought some stuffs, mostly in the form of food. haha.. i am such a foodie!

then when i was browsing through the CDs at Popular Bookshop City Square, they were playing Chinese and Korean songs, with the latter mostly being OSTs of the Korean drama shows.

i don't know why but suddenly it all reminded me of you.

came across this song on my dusty playlist. another one of westlife's songs.

Miss You by Westlife

I can't sleep,
I just can't breathe,
when your shadow is all over me, baby.
Don't wanna be a fool in your eyes,
'Cause what we had was built on lies.

And when our love seems to fade away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart,
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
I miss you...

What would it take for you to see?
To make you understand,
that I'll always believe (always believe)
You and I can make it through,
And I still know I can't get over you.

'Cause when our love seems to fade away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart (see us apart)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
oh, baby I miss you, I do...

'Cause when our love always fades away,
Listen to me - hear what I say...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do,
I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart, (oh no, see us apart)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
I miss you, I miss you, I do...

I don't wanna feel the way that I do (the way that I do)
I just wanna be (just wanna be) right here with you (right here with you)
I don't wanna see (don't wanna see) see us apart (see us apart, oh, baby)
I just wanna say it straight from my heart:
oh baby I miss you, I do...

11:21 pm

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Outing for the Broken Hearts (OBH) today was entertaining!! me, rid and umai were super crazy there at causeway point. we went round, from guardian to jonh little to watsons, to help rid look for his facial mask. he wanted to buy his Adidas Ice Dive EDT at JL (and then he admitted something concerning one of the adidas fragrance for women that had not only me and umai cracking in laughter, but the sales assistant nearby there as well). then he ended up buying some spray-on hair dye by gatsby at watsons. after that we went to have kfc. rid didn't wait to settle down comfortably before he rushed off to buy his meal and wolfed it down. shared interestingly amusing stories about our school. then, while umai and i were eating, he tested his spray-on dye on his hand and that was funny. it looked like he had a huge mole on his wrist. then he told us to smell it, and he was like, "smelly right? smells like wax." so he went to wash it off while we continued eating, and then he was like, "eh, this thing must RUB one before can disappear."

8:46 pm

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

i am not suicidal, people. serious.

10:32 pm

lousy mood the whole day in school today (thanks ah LD for giving me chance to stone for 2 hours). but i guess the Outing for the Broken Hearts jointly organised by me, humaira and farid for the three of us tomorrow sort of took my mind off stuffs for a while. the initial plan was to go catch a movie (ratatouille), take pics, eat, shop. but then we changed it to just shop for facial products, eat, shop again (courts, john little - for cosmetics, etc.), eat while shopping again.. you get the idea..

so yes. an Outing for the Broken Hearts at 1400h tomorrow may get things off my mind for a while. cos all three of us - ok, fine, two and a half - are someway or another going through about the same thing. so... suitable right, the name for the outing?


i almost cried because of you, but when i read your email, i just had to smile.

10:32 pm

Monday, September 03, 2007

two westlife songs. that's all.

If I Let You Go by Westlife

Day after day
Time passed away
And I just can't get you out of my mind
Nobody knows, I hide it inside
I keep on searching but I just can't find
The courage to show to let you know
I've never felt love like this before
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

[CHORUS]
But if I let you go I will never know
What my life would be holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me ? (oh yeah)
How will I know if I let you go ?

Night after night I hear myself say
Why don't this feeling just fade away
There's no one like you (no one like you)
You speak to my heart (speak to my heart)
It's such a a shame we're worlds apart
I'm too shy to ask, I'm too proud to lose
But sooner or later I gotta choose
And once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

[CHORUS]
If I let you go I will never know
What my life would be, holding you close to me
Will I ever see you smiling back at me? (oh yeah)
How will I know if I let you go ?

If I let you go ooooh baby
Ooooooooohhhhh
Once again I'm thinking about
Taking the easy way out

[CHORUS (repeat to fade)]
_______________________________________
Miss You Night by Westlife

[Shane:]
I've had many times I can tell you
Times when innocence I'd trade for company
And children saw me crying
I thought I'd had my share of that
But these miss you nights are the longest

[Bryan:]
Midnight diamonds stud my heaven
Southward burning like the jewels that are your face
And the warm winds that embrace me
Just as surely kissed your face
Yet these miss you nights they're the longest

[(Mark) Shane:]
(Lay down) Lay down all thoughts of your surrender
It's only me who's killing time
(Lay down) Lay down all dreams and feelings once remembered
It's just the same this miss you game

[Mark:]
Thinking of my going
How to cut the thread and leave it all behind
Looking windward for my comfort
I take each day as it arrives
But these miss you nights are the longest

[Shane:]
But these miss you nights are the longest
___________________________________________

although i tried hard not to the whole day, i end up crying now.
am i crying because i miss you, am i crying because i'm hurting inside, or am i crying because i'm not ready to lose you?
i don't know...but i still want you by my side.

9:27 pm

i'm keeping this short as possible. had solo lunch today. thought of going to ya kun at far east plaza, so there i was at the bus stop opposite the school. but it wasn't that helpful cos i'm like sitting there trying hard not to cry. i tried to do some Top Gear stuffs like name the model of the cars that zoom past me, but even cars bring memories right? so in the end, gave up, controlled myself and waited a very long time for 132. i didn't even bother to board it all the way to far east plaza. got off opposite far east shopping centre and walked all the way to wisma and to macdonald's at taka. so ended up having my solo lunch there. quite ok lah. got corner there. but it was rather difficult, eating and trying not to cry.

i tried not to think of you, but you always seem to be there. and even right now when i'm down, you're the only thought that comforts me.

9:27 pm

Sunday, September 02, 2007

just cos i'm not in the best of emotional state doesn't give me the right to make people feel depressed reading my blog. so i'm gonna talk about some rubbish neutral thing aka COSMETICS and FOOD.

10:46 pm

Saturday, September 01, 2007

i thought i had at least put it out of my mind for a while, but when i just think of it.. it seems to hurt, it seems to be cut again.

i don't know how i'm going to carry on...

deep inside i'm hurting. sometimes i just opt to steel myself, but how much longer can i deny myself the truth? it's one of those things that really make you feel wonderful but at the same time it hurts from within. it's because i'm steeling myself, that's why i'm no longer crying outwardly, i'm crying in the inside. i thought it could help. the complete opposite happened.

time is working its magic against us..

but if i let you go
how would i ever know
what my life would be
holding you close to me
will i ever see you smiling back at me
how will i know
if i let you go
~ If I Let You Go by Westlife

but what happens when you have to let go?
what happens when the one thing that makes you cry is the same thing that comforts you?

the whole world can tell me to slowly get over it, don't think about it. but how would they know because i'm the one going through this. it's my battle. it's my fight.

for what? a fight for my feelings or a fight to let go of it?

Dan Tak mungkin untukku
Tuk menggapai cintamu
Walau rasa di hati
Ingin memilikimu

Cinta harus berkorban
Walau harus menunggu selamanya
Ku tau..Kau bukan untukku
~ Dan Tak Mungkin by Agnes Monica

Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts in you heart
Is the only way for destiny
Sometimes goodbye, though it hurts
Is the only way now for you and me
Though its the hardest thing to say
~ Say Goodbye by S Club 7

I can´t breathe easy
Can´t sleep at night
Till you´re by my side
No I can´t breathe easy
I can´t dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There´s no air
~Breathe Easy by Blue

我 会 学 着 放 弃 你
wo hui xue zhe fang qi ni
是 因 为 我 太 爱 你
shi yin wei wo tai ai ni
~An Jing by Jay Chou

cos with him you can be true, and with him you can be you..

11:52 pm

teachers' day celebration today was quite fun, both at crescent as well as the journey back to woodgrove primary. ok, maybe the latter was more of being able to meet up with humaira and reminiscing those ultra crazy days and traced our exact steps that we took to school. it was pretty interesting cos we'd have pieces of memories in almost every corner of the school. the bus-bay was our playground while waiting for higher malay class to start. and now that they've put up a trophy casing there, i took a look at the trophies won and remembered some of the achievements, like our dikir boys winning back-to-back top prizes for the zonal dikir barat competition. everyone enjoyed doing and watching the dikir; in fact i still remember some of the dikir boys. haha. last time Mr Djohan Abdul Rahman aka Bobo aka the tukang karut for local dikir group Andika Kencana was the teacher in charge of dikir. he also taught me Civics and Moral, and everyone truly enjoyed his lessons cos he's super funny! then humaira reminded me that i used to squabble with andika over some potato dish that was sold at the last stall. but it's no longer being sold now cos new principal = new rules. but it's a bit sad cos man, that dish holds memories. and oh yeah, we ran into andika there as well. he's still like that lah, cynical as usual.

lately i've been listening to a lot of dikir barat music. aside from loving the two tracks by Dikir Temasek, Hantaran Puteri Gunung Warisan and Dian Yulaiha, i've also been to youtube and the local dikir groups' website to listen to their performances. i especially like those by Andika Kencana, Cucu Datuk Merah and Hulubalang. they never fail to greatly entertain me.

to debbie: thanks a lot debb <33

one thing i learnt is that ultimately you can only rely on yourself.

i try not to think about it, but it still hurts a lot.
seeing you cheered me up a little today. but somehow, the thought of you and her together seem to cut my heart real deep , and the realization hit me that it's nearing end of the year very soon. too soon.

it's too soon to say goodbye

12:05 am

the one

Nur Syafiqah Ahmad Jaaffar ex-WGPS 6E'04 Crescent Girl's School syaf_316@hotmail.com

be sorted @ nimbo.net

tell me the truth

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