Tuesday, July 31, 2007

i'm feeling very weird now cos suddenly i feel stricken (the 'i momentarily froze, breath caught in my chest, my nails digging into my skin' sorta stuff) when i listened to Shan Hu Hai and An Jing by Jay Chou. i've heard these songs countless times, and most of the time i don't feel anything, except to be high and enthralled by jay chou's voice (: sometimes i can't even understand the way i act or feel.

anyway, score one more to the bizarreness of my life: i am having a durian hangover. yes, a you read that right. a durian hangover. what is it? it's the dizzy spells you get after stuffing yourself with a lot of durians. wanna know how it feels like? try eating 2+ boxes of durians while doing your homework, as well as bubur kacang durian (some sort of green bean soup with gula melaka and durian). then you can totally know how it feels like. the cure is usually drinking water from the durian shell, but when you buy your durians in styrofoam boxes, you don't get such privilege. and oh yes, i think my mom aggravated my recent insomniac activities by buying for me the iced mocha thingey from McCafe. it tastes great; i love how the slight bitterness of the chocolate is there, but not to the extent of overpowering the wonderful taste of caffeine. but the thing is, it's gonna keep me awake the whole night.

read about jay chou's Secret movie launch at the Cathay yesterday on the sg.yahoo's grapevine blog. then went flowerpod forum where some podders were flooding the thread about them being there and meeting him. arghh... wish i was there. i'm starting to be one of his fans cos his talent is simply remarkable. he can sing, he can write songs, he can play the piano, he can act, he can direct music videos and a movie...

and and and Shijia's gonna lend me November's Chopin, one of Jay Chou's best albums (:
i <3 zhou jie lun! haha..

11:55 pm

within that span of more or less half an hour, i felt like smiling, laughing and crying at the same time.

i know, it's weird. i wasn't able to sleep at all last night, even though i called it lights out at 2am. but it took me less than 15 minutes of lying on my bed before i just had to haul my tablet out, switch it on and log on to the net again. i wasn't listening to my head; i just followed my heart. so that's why i edited my post yesterday and posted something i've posted before - again. and after that i was just sitting on my bed, ruminating about it all and i wasn't sure what time it was that i finally dozed off, but i'm certain i slept for 2 or 3 hours. and guess what? surprisingly, i didn't feel sleepy at all the whole day. even now i'm not sleepy yet, and it's past midnight.

people have been noting that i've been moody the whole day and stuffs. yeah, i was. but some stuffs you can't divulge cos a) it's weird b) i doubt they can understand. and then the issue comes when you need to let even a small bit of it out, even if it's just by hinting - but there's no one there. and it doesn't make sense that the one person you wish you can let it out to is somehow embroiled in this thing. but that's exactly how it is.

sometimes i think i'm getting my on-off fever because of this whole thing. my worries led to it. my simultaneous tears and smiles led to it. my confusion of the whole thing led to it. and now, my certainty of it also leads to the fever?

Bokgu by Bi/Rain

Bu Nen Shuo De Mi Mi by Jay Chou

Cassiopeia by Bi/Rain

12:44 am

Sunday, July 29, 2007

thank you for cheering me up, even if it's just for a few hours:
the Iraq team that beat Arab Saudi 1-0 with a beautiful header from Younes Mahmoud in the Asian Cup finals. congrats!

i know i've posted this before, but i feel like posting it again:

are your palms sweaty, is your heart racing and is your voice caught within your chest?
it isn't love, it's like.
You can't keep your eyes or hands off of them, am I right?
It isn't love, it's lust.
Are you proud, and eager to show them off?
It isn't love, it's luck.
Do you want them because you know they're there?
It isn't love, it's loneliness.
Are you there because it's what everyone wants?
It isn't love, it's loyalty.
Are you there because they kissed you, or held your hand?
It isn't love, it's low confidence.
Do you stay for their confessions of love, because you don't want to hurt them?
It isn't love, it's pity.
Do you belong to them because their sight makes your heart skip a beat?
It isn't love, it's infatuation.
Do you pardon their faults because you care about them?
It isn't love, it's friendship.
Do you tell them every day they are the only one you think of?
It isn't love, it's a lie.
are you willing to give all of your favorite things for their sake?
It isn't love, it's charity.

Does your heart ache and break when they're sad?
then it's love.
Do you cry for their pain, even when they're strong?
Then it's love.
Do their eyes see your true heart, and touch your soul so deeply it hurts?
Then it's love.
Do you stay because a blinding, incomprehensible mix of pain and relation pulls you close and holds you there?
Then it's love.
Do you accept their faults because they're a part of who they are?
Then it's love.
Are you attracted to others, but stay with them faithfully without regret?
Then it's love.
Would you allow them to leave you , not because they want to but because they have to?
Then its love.
Would you give them your heart, your life, your death?
Then it's love.

Now, if love is painful, and tortures us so, why do we love? Why is it all we search for in life? This pain, this agony? Why is it all we long for? This torture, this powerful death of self? Why? The answer is so simple cause it's...LOVE.

11:01 pm

Saturday, July 28, 2007

i'm really happy but i'm crying at the same time.

nobody truly understands, do they? they think it's like (Scenario A). but they have no idea, they've never understood..

Breathe Easy by Blue

Cruel to the eye
I see the way he makes you smile
Cruel to the eye
Watching him hold what used to be mine

Why did I lie?
What did I walk away to find
Ooohhh – why… oooh – why…

I…can´t breathe easy
Can´t sleep at night
Till you´re by my side
No I…can´t breathe easy
I can´t dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There´s no air

Curse me inside
For every word that caused you to cry
Curse me inside
I won´t forget, no i won´t baby, I don´t know why (don’t know why)
I left the one I was looking to find
Ooh – why… ooooh, why – whyyy…

Why

No I…can´t breathe easy
I can´t dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There´s no air

Out of my mind
Nothing makes sense anymore
I want you back in my life

That´s all I´m breathing for

Ooooooohhhhh - tell me why

Oh won’t you tell me why

I can´t dream yet another dream
Without you lying next to me
There´s no air

No, no, no

There’s no air

10:56 pm

first of all, sorry to the Taka trip peeps (y'all know who you are) if i've been such lousy company just now. i just wasn't in the mood. but i did get slightly near-hysterical when i saw the M.A.C. outlet - C Shock, Flashtronic, Rushmetal (!!!) and Tendertones (!!). but otherwise, the whole time i wasn't really in the mood for it.

you know, since a few hours ago, i've a very uneasy feeling. seriously uneasy; the kind that seem to grip your heart, and render any efforts to overcome it futile. the kind that gets you so uptight and restless. it was all so sudden - you're reading the papers and suddenly the uneasiness strikes you. and the best part is you don't know why.

with every passing day, i seem to be more sure of what this is.

you look fine, but i saw past your eyes and i know you're not. and all of this - seeing and knowing that you're hurt - hurt me more than i can ever imagine. i can't bear to see you like this, but what can i do?

12:05 am

Friday, July 27, 2007

today was like stony day for me, cos still had slight fever and splitting headaches. ok, the fever is on-off, and there were only 2 splitting headaches throughout the whole day. but i still need 2 panadols to tone them down.

i officially like jay chou. he is uber-talented! and i simply love most of his songs. the melody is usually very sweet and very unique. or as some music-lovers will put it, very jay-like. and my current faves from him include tui hou, piao yi, shan hu hai, nocturne, qing tian and qi li xiang (:

today was a rollercoaster ride of emotions for me. and no, if the tune was as cheery as that song by ronan keating 'life is a rollercoaster, you just gotta ride it', i'd have no prob with it. but when you feel torn and happy at the same time.. that's enough to cause me another headache. then just like when you're happy about it, sekali another piece of news come and you think twice about it.

debbie has a point. but the problem is, i just don't dare to.

12:15 am

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

today was just so screwed. ~oh yay.

so in a bid to make myself feel better, i dragged myself for a mini retail therapy at Junction 8. i just had to make myself do so. and it sort of worked - i see Watson's and all the interesting beauty junkies there and i manage to divert my attention from the stony day at school, the annoying fever and all the other stuffs that completed my screwed up day (and the latest: saudi knocked japan out of the Asian Cup.. arghh.. i wanted a Japan-Iraq finals, man..) there was an offer for Maybelline's VolumExpress; it's being sold at $14.90. i was so tempted to grab it cos my mascara is almost near expiry date but then i don't have that much money on me. then i thought of getting eyeshadows. Silky Girl's duo eyeshadows are still going for $6.90, and i nearly bought Shimmer Lights. then i saw U-Nuco eyeshadows being sold at $4.95. swatched them. the colours are limited but they're great; the colours really show. and then there's an offer - spend up to $15 on U-Nuco products, send in your receipt to the HQ in Singapore and get a pair of dolly falsies free. i so want that. but then in the end i only bought Garnier's facial mask, the whitening peel-off one, not the whitening infusion mask i tried last time. i don't know when i'm gonna try it, but i hope it'll be soon.

then dropped by The Body Shop and saw that the White Musk collection had an offer. so maybe over the weekends i'll purchase a White Musk EDT and get the free White Musk Shimmer Fragrance or sth.. the newer product in the line.

and my eyes hurt.

and today i realised that i really care for you

11:50 pm

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

maybe there's some truth in what they say: when you love someone, you feel for their pain, or worse. and you're willing to do anything to alleviate it, just to see the person truly happy again.

i'm worried about him. i'm really really worried about him. if there is ever anything that i can do, anything at all, i would. i just want to see him happy; i can't bear to see him like this. if possible, let me feel all the hurt and pain for him. it shatters my heart to see him like this.

11:28 pm

~don't pretend you're sorry
i know you're not
you know you got the power
to make me weak inside~

~cos everytime i breathe i take you in
and my heart beats again
baby i can't help it
keep drowning in your love.
and everytime i try to rise above
i'm swept away by love
baby i can't help it
keep drowning in your love~

Drowning by BSB (the song that has always been one of my fave)

maybe this is gonna be another of my profound posts. maybe not. i'll try to keep this as short as possible, anyway.

you know how is that sometimes when you see someone, a rush of emotions just fill you? it's something like a sense of longing, avoidance, sheer bliss, you want to see the person, but at the same time you don't want to see the person? you're happy, but at the same time you're hurting. i don't know what sort of logic that is, but that's how i felt this morning. it was a mixture of almost all the emotions rolled into one until i'm not even sure which one is stronger. and you know how it is when you start your day gloomily, but then just seeing the person -no, make that just hearing the person- seemed to change everything else? one-liner quips that most people dismiss are the ones that brighten your day. it's all so weirdly amazing. haha (:

edited from Blue's If You Come Back bridge: can somebody please try to tell me, i wanna understand..

12:54 am

Monday, July 23, 2007

i saw wang leehom's new album at the cd store at woodlands mrt just now!!!!!! ~whee!!!

yup.. that's the cover of his new album, change my ways. and i managed to listen to all his songs on youtube, and they are super super nice!!! his song Change Me was rather cute, with all the chorused na na na na from 'crowds'. haha!! and he looks as shuai as ever! his duet with Selina S.H.E. isn't bad.. quite nice, actually. cockney girl was quite ok, the only chinked-out track in this album, which is quite refreshing, actually. hahaha! leehom is back with a new album!! i want!! haha..

watched a taiwanese drama, Prince Who Turns Into A Frog. hahaha. that show was super funny and cute!!! especially lim ming dao, the guy who played jun hao. ruthless boss. hahaha.. and the closing theme song was nice as well.. Zhen Ai by 183 Club.. haha..

12:48 am

Friday, July 20, 2007

first of all, to the 9 girls who have made this boring friday a superb one (in no order):
vaish
jing li
debbie
nurun
crystal
hsun i
michelle
vivien
shi jia

a huge <333333333 for you all! hahaha. today was a blast! who cares if the transformers tix were sold out? we had a havoc lunch at long john silver, and then we so chaotic during our neoprint shots i thought our booth would collapse! hahaha. and all the spastic poses, jokes, laughters, the long wait for 111 (grr..) and the non-stop conversation and bonding for the few hours we spent together (: i haven't had so much fun for so long! you guys rock my world! <333

(so this means we should go out like this often.. hahaha.. but next time we book tix in advance hor.. never mind if sound so leceh, but better right?)

ok, back to the general discussion of today. today was pretty slack for a 'heavy' day loaded with double periods of so many subjects. i was already bored by the late morning. e maths was super slow for me; i spent the time finishing the newly-assigned homework rather than listening. chemistry today was about exothermic and endothermic reactions. and ljw was explaining and explaining about it and when it came to the graphs, i was lost. aside from that, it was rather dry and rushed. not much banter and stuffs. geography was knowing about bank protection and hastily-done LORMS question. then bio was watching vids of heart dissection and how the valves open and close and the cardiac cycle as well. add maths was going through homework, touching the basics of binomial theorem, and a lecture/story by ms ang. higher malay was just going through answers for practice papers.

and i finally changed my blogskin! so say goodbye to the sakuras and say hello to the new blogskin (:

[tui huo was playing over the stereo in one of the shops, and it reminded me of you]

11:44 pm

Thursday, July 19, 2007

my Ctrl+C and Ctrl+V function or my left click-copy/paste function is not working, and i was planning to change my blogskin, so do u noe how increasingly frustrating it is? and i was all set for some butterflies on my blogskin. oh wells... gotta fix that problem some other time.

today was rather ok..not too sian, not too emo, not too happy. like, even the craziness with debbie, vaish, jing li, vivien, hsun i and michelle wasn't that crazy. it was pretty normal, actually. and i wasn't suaning debbie like on normal days. i don't know. maybe it's cos i'm just tired, huge thanks to the havoc of a workload that i get, or i'm just tired of it all.

as in, tired of trying to be cynical and suaning my friends, albeit jokingly, at any given chance. sometimes i wonder, out of all my friends, how many really know me for who i really am? or do they even know who the real me is? sometimes i get the feeling that i myself make it hard for most people to truly understand me. but i can't help it; it just happens automatically. i try to suit my personality based on the people around me. if they're crazy and crappy, i adjust myself to fit in that context. if they're quiet, i tend not to talk too much as well. but by making myself flexible to my surroundings, am i ignoring or denying my true character to myself?

to tell the truth, the process of getting back in touch with your emotions when you've learned to hide it from your own self for too long isn't easy. once in a while you will slip into that emptiness feeling, as if you're devoid of emotion. people watch titanic and they cry; you watch the same movie but you don't quite feel anything. that's weird. that was what i was trying to fix for the past few years. reconnecting to my emotions. you know how some decisions in life can't purely be made by thinking, but more towards following your heart? but when you've lost touch with how you're feeling, following your heart is a major problem.

you know how it is that you learn to adapt your character based on the people around you, but with some -as in, one or two, but mostly one- you feel there's no need to do such a thing? with that person, there's no need to hide anything; you can just be yourself, reveal your true character, admit your weaknesses. it's like your personality is balanced. almost every aspect is in place. you don't even have to shove away your weaknesses to some deep dark corner of your soul - it just reveals itself. and you don't feel uneasy in doing so cos for some unexplained reason, you just have to be yourself, you just have to let the person know how you really are. why that happens, i don't know. but it happens. they say a person's true character is revealed when there's no one else around looking. fairly true. but a person's true character is also revealed when the heart feels that's who it should be revealed to - and it's beyond control.

10:44 pm

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

i know people will slam me as being a sentimental sucker, but hey, that's how my taste in music is. you won't see a lot of rock and stuffs in my Walkman phone; you'll see more of love ballads with a few random rnb and hiphop tracks. so that's why i have opted to post one of my current fave songs. actually, it's dated a few years back, but when i saw the music vid, i instantaneously fell in love with the vid; i just had to post it here (:

Forever Love (Yong Yuan De Ai) by Wang Leehom

actually, Leehom has a lot of nice songs, but hey, that's your job to visit youtube or veoh to find out. the thing about his songs are that most of them are very sweet, and his chinked-out tracks are not bad. but i think his voice -i haven't heard such a nice voice for a long time- is more suited for the ballads. plus his songs are very meaningful (: and the fact that he looks sooo young for a guy in his 30s. seriously.

as promised, my EOTD shots. less than perfect, but i think i'll have to blame my bad photographing skills more than anything.

ok, despite the lousy lighting, i think can still see the colour albeit faintly. so here was what i used (all Silky Girl products unless otherwise stated):

Blusher in Honeywood (applied over the whole upper eyelid)

Duo Eyeshadow in Flushed Maple (brown in the crease, pink in the inner corner)

Duo Eyeshadow in Smokey Spark (only silver used as highlighter at browbone)

Long-Wearing Autoliner in Black Brown (line upper lashline, thickened towards outer corner, and midway on lower lashline from outer to middle)

Maybelline Unstoppable in Black Brown (applied after lashes are curled)

the lighting spoiled it all. but seriously, in real-life it really looks nice. i find that it makes my eyes look deeper naturally since i stuck to almost skin-tone colours. and although it took me 30 minutes to experiment with it, the actual application time should be halved or maybe a quarter.

i came across this chinese phrase "ri jiu sheng qing" when i was reading through stomp.sg forums yesterday. so just now i asked my friends what it means, and according to them, it's like a chinese idiom which means something like, the more time you spend with each other, the deeper your feelings grow. then i was like, why is it that i come across this sort of phrases? but to be honest, i think it's sweet. haha.. it's just that i don't tend to show the sentimental part of me when i'm with my friends and family. it just seems to be automatically hidden away. but i'm gonna admit it now, i like sweet songs and butterflies. hahaha.... come to think of it, they do go together.

11:02 pm

Sunday, July 15, 2007

i decided against buying shoes today and picked up a month's supply of Garnier Pure Self-Heating Sauna Mask.

yes, it self-heats. it purifies skin for 7 days by removing impurites and excess sebum from your skin. and best of all, it only takes 3 minutes. can you believe it? that's like taking a train trip on Clear Skin Express.

i'm beginning to like zhou jie lun's songs (: haha.. very sweet..

anw, saw a lot of pretty Eye Of The Day(EOTDs) on flowerpod forum in the Face Of The Day (FOTD) thread. so... yeah.. i am inspired to go on another EOTD try. but my eyeshadow solours are super limited... so that dampened the spirit. but nvm. tomorrow i shall perfect my silver-dark grey EOTD and upload it if it's nice enough.. haha..

12:32 am

Friday, July 13, 2007

since my previous posts were short and rather emo (haha!), this post shall be a bit longer. as we all know (ok, maybe not all cos for half the day i forgot about this), today is Friday The 13th. yup. superstitions say today is an uber-unlucky day. a day of misfortunes. a day of getting pissed at the world. three cheers for the superstition; my day was ultra lousy.

why is that so? let me see.. mrt schedule screwed up in the morning, and i was late for school. then e maths bored me to death (i'd really like it if she speeds up a bit more.. it's not my fault i'm forever distracted during her lessons). come recess, i was sleepy, i was light-headed, i felt sick and i had no appetite to eat at all. at some point in time, i was wondering if i should just smash the apparatus after i was done with chem spa, but that would be stupid so i decided against it. chem spa was ok, i guess. i only realized my mistakes in my calculations presentation about 10 hours later? haha. then the rest of the day was just as bad. got scolded during add maths cos i didn't finish my homework. (and i was up till 1.30am trying to do as much of my maths homework, thank you very much..) then had e maths extra lesson after school, so that just almost completed the sianzation of my friday. ~whee.

i think i laughed so much from tuesday to thursday that somehow to equalize matters, friday is super lousy for me. haha.. what i think? i did laugh a lot. haha! had lunch (if you call a hotdog roll and Cornetto ice cream lunch..haha..) with debbie and vivien!!! ~wheee!! hahahah!! it was super chaotic, i thought the playground where we were at would suddenly come alive and shoo us away. and when i mean chaotic, i don't mean running around like mad women; we were just laughing soo much that it was almost uncontrollable. debbie was more high than usual, and kept singing "cos we're so high we'll be flyyyiinnggg.." from robbie williams' She's The One while vivien and i were focusing on eating our ice cream. then we had an ice cream race to see who would end up finishing the ice cream last. turns out it was me. debbie dropped all thoughts of being demure by gobbling down hers, and vivien is an ice cream pro. i was.. uhh.. enjoying my Cornetto ChocoLuv. hahaha!

mrt-ed home with vivien, xie hui (??) and sam low from LD. that was just hilarious. vivien's laugh broke the stillness of the silence in the mrt, with shushes and silent laughs and sam's loud voice inserted as well. hahaha! that sam low is super funny! hahaha.. we were like laughing all the way from redhill mrt to choa chu kang mrt.. haha.. imagine how long we laughed non-stop. hahahah!! we were practically hyperventilating there! next thing we know, mrt will come up with a sign specially for us: no hyperventilating in the train, no matter how silent it is.

i shall rip a quiz off vivien's blog (sorry sis.. but it's interesting..haha..)

RED IS ANGER
1. Are you currently mad at someone? nope (: i can be nice and patient, okayy..
2. Which of your family members has the worst temper? haha.. my mom and my bro, i guess.. haha.. they even look somewhat alike.. haha..
3. Have you ever thrown something at anyone? if you mean toss, yes. if you mean throw and hit somebody, NO (: i've told you, i am nice..
4. Is anyone mad at you? why would they?
5. Are you usually mad? no.. i'm usually sane.
6. When you're mad do you prefer to stare angrily or yell? neither.. i prefer to bang stuffs around. beats the hell out of staring and yelling.

ORANGE IS EXCITEMENT
1. Has anyone ever thrown a surprise party for you? i can't remember..haha.. no? ):
2. What event is coming up that you're most excited about? A LOT! like monday, back to school, can meet those crazy people in class (and him), and 1 August - friendly between Inter and MU (: can't wait!
3.If you won a million dollars, what would be your first thought? i can finally buy a Mazda RX-8!
4. If you could have anything right now what would it be? him by my side.

YELLOW IS SELF DISCOVERY
1. Name- Nur Syafiqah. you want the meaning also? :D
2. Birthday- 16 March 92
3. What's your main goal in life? live life to the fullest and be happy :D
4. Do you want to have children? yup! 2 of them, 1 boy, 1 girl.
5. When do you want to die? when all my kids are grown up, married and happy.

GREEN IS OPINIONS
1. Are you against gay marriage? the opposite of no.
2. Lower the drinking age? that's crazy!
3. Capital Punishment? we need it, although it's heartwrenching.
4. Abortion? allowed, but depends on severity of situation. although i can't imagine taking away an innocent life like a baby's.. that's cruel..

BLUE IS LOVE
1. Do you love someone? good question.. i keep asking myself that as well.. haha.. yes lah.. duh.. you don't love your family and friends meh?
2. Do you believe in love at first sight? sometimes.
3. Do you believe in love? if i don't, then how do i live out my life with my family everyday?

PURPLE ISQ & AsQ:
Q: How many beds did you lay in today? one.
Q: What colour shirt are you wearing? maroon.
Q: Name one thing that you do everyday? breathe and respire.
Q: How much cash do you have on you right now? none. cos my wallet's in my bag, not on me.
Q: Look to your left. What's there? the window of my room.
Q: What's the last piece of clothing you borrowed? my mom's skirt which she gave to me in the end.. hahaha..
Q: What website(s) do you visit the most during the day? i'm stuck in school in the day, and too lazt to bring tablet to school.. haha.. so obviously none (:
Q: Do you have plants in your room? are fake flowers counted?
Q: Does anything hurt on your body right now? nope (:
Q: Recent time you were really upset? this morning.. and youth day holiday..

PINK IS LAST
1. Person you saw- my mom. haha.. i just came from her room
3. Movie you watched in cinema- Die Hard 4.0!!! super shiokk man that flick!!
4. Song you listened to- Shan Hu Hai by Jay Chou
5. Person you talked to on the phone- i didn't use the phone at all today.
6. Did you notice that the question 2 was gone- yes. why? ran out of ideas to ask, is it?

GREY IS TODAY
1. What are you doing right now? blogging and listening to zhou jie lun
2. What are you doing tonight? it's already night.. haha.. i will sleep..
3. What are you going to eat? dinner is in the process of digestion.

BROWN IS TOMORROW
1. Which is also- one half of the weekend (: saturday (: window-shopping day!!
2. Are you looking forward to it? are you kidding?! i want to spend money!
3. Are you going to laugh? haha.. most probably

10:22 pm

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

what do you do when the one thing that makes you smile, makes you feel what seems to be the happiest happiness, makes all your tiredness go away, also makes you cry and feel so in need of it?

so do you carry on beaming to yourself, or do you let your wall be pushed aside and just allow yourself to weep? or do you keep it all inside, happiness and pain and all, and just hide it inside to the extent that you're denying all of these to yourself?

12:24 am

i feel so sian, being half-awake and doing my homework. turns out i didn't really do them. i felt so sian, my brain is jammed and it is certainly not in the right condition to tackle add maths.
(and i kinda miss you so maybe that contributes to this) but anywho, tomorrow should be an okay day. will be celebrating Cikgu Rina's birthday during her lesson (: otherwise, nothing much.

i'm thinking of changing to a new blogskin but i can't seem to find anything that reflects my personality or what i'm feeling these past few weeks. what a waste of time searching for them.

12:24 am

Monday, July 09, 2007

i came across an interesting, and rather useful, thread on Flowerpod Community forum titled How You Know You Like Him? ok, it sounds a rather shallow topic, but the answers given are worth thinking about. here are some excerpts:

by sweetlen: when i miss him if i dont see him, when he becomes a part of my life, my daily doings.. when i noe he will be interested in wad i like, and we hav common interests. and dat he treats me rightfully.

by spoiltbabe: a relationship is hard to survive without chemistry. Some guys you can juz click and talk anything under the sun. But some guys you will feel concieous and keep worrying if you will say anthing wrong and end up say nothing.

by iveleen: For me, there was no fireworks, no butterflies in the stomach, no hearts racing, nothing dramatic. He smiled at me one day, and I was suddenly washed over with this feeling of familiarity, like I've known this person forever and he felt like a part of me that I never knew was missing, that came back.

i like this one by purple_pearl:
The smallest thing he did for u makes u smile.
When he is sad, u feel it with it or even worse.
You miss him if you can't see him.
You look forward to his sms,online msgs and calls.
You take the initative to do things for him.
If he doesn't bother abt you, u will feel the heartache and u tear.
no matter wad others say abt him, he is perfect in ur eyes.
Love is to see an imperfect person perfect.

keikogal suggests:
yes, its obvious that you can tell yourself that you like a guy if:
1. you constantly think & miss him at any time of the day
2. you worry when he's not home yet or how he is when its already 1am plus etc.
3. you look forward to every sms or meeting him eagerly
4. you can't help but not want to shower him with your care, concern & love
5. your heart aches when he's not around
6. your heart races or flutters whenever you see or are with him
7. you can't help but gaze into his eyes occassionally for a few seconds

Angelic Devil adds on:
I will think of him everyday whether if I'm with him or not.
I will see him not as an imperfect person but as who he is.
I will want to see him fall to sleep every night.
I will give him up if I cant give him the happiness he want.
I will wait for him and not pressuring him to be with me.
I will want to walk side by side with him till the end.
I will support him when he have any setbacks.
I will be happy even if I'm just seeing him from afar and he is doing great.
I will not ever ever want to hurt him again.
I will want to be there for him at his lowest.
I will make sure he is truly happy when he is with me.

11:43 pm

i am totally in love with k-pop, j-pop and mandopop as of today (:
for the past few days i've been enjoying songs by Rain (Bi), BoA, Wang Leehom, Tanya Chua, Mika Nakashima, John Hoon, Se7en, ShinHwa and tons more! it's like an addiction!

12:05 am

Sunday, July 08, 2007

went to watch Die Hard 4.0 today, and i tell you, it was one hell of a flick! i've never been so amazed by an action flick before this one. the actions were terrific (recall: the cool escape from a missile-firing F35 jet which includes a trailer which got smashed from the top and broken highways, the crazy fight with evil chick Mai played by Maggie Q that ended up with her going down with a car that burst into flames at the bottom of an elevator shaft, that insane scene at the tunnel where john mcclane totally beat a helicopter with a car... actually, there are tons of it, but if i mention every single one of them, that's no fun). and the witty lines are the best, for both the good guys and bad guys alike. here are some that i can remember:

Thomas Gabriel, the baddie, reminds John McClane how unwise it is to tell matt farrell and war10ck to trace his IP in front of him:
"Detective, covering the webcam does not turn off the mike."

Lucy, John's daughter, and Matt Farrell gets to know each other after they were caught by Gabriel's men.
Matt: hey.. i'm matt. matt farrell.
Lucy: i'm lucy.. lucy mcclane.
Matt: i thought your name was lucy genoro?
Lucy: not today.

matt is amazed after seeing how john managed to overthrow one bad guy stylishly.
matt: did you see that?
john: see what? i did that.

when gabriel first got in contact with john.
gabriel: officer mcclane..
john: it's DETECTIVE mcclane, you a******e.

matt asks john about their plan to save lucy (and the rest of america).
matt: so what's the plan?
john: find lucy, and kill everybody else.
matt: i know, but how do you do that?!

also, just now i received this in my email inbox from one of my french class classmates..rather meaningful..

-Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
-Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.
-Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
-What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry?
-The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love somebody else.
-If u love something...let it go.
If it comes back to you it's yours....
If it doesn't then it never was.
-A kiss is just a kiss until you find the one you love. A hug is just a hug until it's from the one you're thinking of. A dream is just a dream until you make it come true. LOVE is just a word until it's proven to you.

1:21 am

Thursday, July 05, 2007

emotions is one heck of a giant puzzle which you can never seem to figure out. like today. i was pissed in the morning no thanks to the mrt. schedule not so accurate and the doors needs to attempt closing twice. and that was like 'icing on the cake' cos i was feeling rather emo today. serious. and then i was like heck care whatever to almost everything that's occuring in school today. especially after recess. my emotions were like super weird. to put it to an analogy of bungee jumping, at the start of the period after recess, it was like i was at the top of the eiffel tower looking down on the streets of paris after managing to climb it after having some spicy food. nice and wonderful, right? then within 10 minutes, BAM! i didn't jump down the tower, i crashed down from it. and it was like that the whole day. can challenge john mcclane like this, man..

[all i needed was to hear your voice, and that was enough. if i look into your eyes, i may just betray whatever i'm trying to hide]

11:47 am

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

life has taken a wild turn for me quite some time ago. usually, i just deal with it or simply pretend to not notice it. but then, sometimes, there are issues and situations that just strikes you without warning. like for instance, you're watching a movie during cca. your mind and eyes are focused on Alice In Wonderland. but somehow, suddenly you feel that your heart is searching for something - what is it, you don't know, but all you know is your heart is searching - and all you want to do is to dash out of the room, into the open area and let your heart find what it was searching for. and the urge was so strong it got you restless, but you let your head rule you and so you held it back. when you're leaving, suddenly you feel like you're leaving something behind. again, you can't put a finger on what is it that's amiss. and again, it got you restless.

[you're always gonna be in my heart
and you should know
how i wish i could have never let you go
come into my life again
oh don't say no

you are always gonna be the one
in my heart
so true, i believe i can never find
somebody like you
my first love

~ First Love by Utada Hikaru]

11:47 pm

Heaven by Bryan Adams (:

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free
Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more

(Chorus)
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven
And love is all that I need
And I found it here in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down
Ya-nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

(Chorus)

I've been waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along
Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - I'll be standin' there by you

11:47 pm

and it was deja vu all over again...

[ucapkanlah kasih satu kata yang ku nantikan
sebab ku tak mampu membaca matamu
mendengar bisikmu.

mengapa berat ungkapkan cinta padahal ia ada
dalam rinai hujan, dalam terang bulan
juga dalam sedu sedan?]

~ Ada Cinta by Acha ft Irwansyah

12:45 am

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

just had a rather fruitful and a typically kecoh msn convo with fellow kallangroar members. they were discussing about our Singapore national team (NT) following their performance against Australia. sure, we lost 0-3, but i have never been so proud of the Lions, and it's not because they played on Kallang's last night. (i'll set aside a post specially for The National Stadium aka Kallang aka Grand Old Lady)

our Lions played with grit and determination. Indra Sahdan was very unlucky to be denied 2 goals by Schwarzer and the post. Khairul Amri nearly drilled one home for us but again, denied by the post. Bennet was one of the outstanding defenders in the squad, clearing the ball away everytime possible. Hariss Harun played quite ok, but i know he's capable of better stuff. Lionel Lewis did quite ok at the post, making saves after saves but unfortunately letting in those 3 goals. but anywho. Jia Yi played quite well, always stringing the right passes most of the time. but one thing's for certain: the midfield sorely missed Mustafic after he was stretchered out mid-game. after that, aussie just find space to blast in the goals.

but hey, mustafic's injury is not to be blamed. harry kewell made the obvious impact. y'know, i've always doubted the fella, always thought he was a show-pony who's not worth every penny of his Liverpool wages. but he proved me wrong. he came on and left such an impact, australia could thank him for being able to win 3-0.

and ehem.. some of our younger players could do with a bit more focus and improvement in their overall games. read: the likes of shahril ishak, ridhuan muhd, fazrul nawaz.

so anyway, back to the kallangroar conference. we came up with this conclusion: our NT needs to: improve their stamina, improve their fitness, really improve our defence (we can't forever rely on bennet.. he's great, but the once-potential players like baihakki.. please step up on your game), gel more as a team, be able to make the most of their chances i.e. convert them and score, stay focused and determined, listen to Raddy. ok, fine, the last part wasn't in the convo, but i think it's important the players do that. last time they didn't do that, they screwed up big time and exited the SEA Games 2 years ago before it even started. let's not see that repeated again.

and woodlands only lost 2-3 to Oman in a friendly just now. fyi, i am not crazy cos i'm happy about the scoreline. that means our clubs have improved somehow. last time we got thrashed 7-0 by Oman. see the huge difference? and woodlands only lost by 1 goal.

also, the SG U-23 drew 0-0 with the Australian reserves. i was elated to hear that. in a way, our reserves are better than their reserves. or equal to them (:

you know, i'm really hoping that FAS will step up on their efforts to relive the footballing scene in singapore. let's scout, groom, and polish our current players and future talents so we can call them our footballing greats alongside Fandi Ahmad, Dollah Kassim and the Malaysian Cup Heroes of the 1970s!

12:20 am

Sunday, July 01, 2007

i was wondering if i should decide to be for it, but it just made me more uncertain. i read through my horoscopes for the week. now, i don't believe all that bullshit, but sometimes it's a comforting idea to live in delusion.

[i don't know how much longer i can deny this when i'm feeling that i need you more than ever. i need to talk to you, but i don't know if i should.]

11:13 pm